Mary Had a Little Lamb Song #21779

Mary had a little lamb, she also had a duck.

She took it round the corner to teach it how to…

Fry and egg for breakfast, fry an egg for tea.

The more you eat, the more you drink, the more you want to…

Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock.

Up jumped Jaws and bit off his…

Cocktails, gingerales, 40c a glass.

If you don’t like them, stick em up your…

Ask no qestions, tell no lies.

I saw santa claus undoing his…

Flies are bad, mosuitoes are worse.

And this is the end of my silly little verse. 🙂

 

The Cashier Quiz

This entry is part 5 of 5 in the series Cashier Lessons

The Cashier Quiz is the quiz that contains all the Cashiering questions created.  Test your know-how of how to be a cashier by answering these questions.  Any new questions created will be added here.

How do you know when to apply the breakfast discount?

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If someone who doesn't work at the store comes to you and asks you to give them pens to use because there is an event and they keep losing pens because people take them... What do you do?

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What do you do when a customer has an old gift card?

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The White Board tells you how to do something new, so you...

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What do you do with the register slips in your drawer during the day?

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There's a frantic bird in the store and no one can seem to catch it. What do you do?

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A customer comes to your register and would like to rent out one rental textbook. So you...

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A customer would like to return a t-shirt, however they do not have a receipt with them. So you...

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There are 10 minutes left and you run out of dimes. The next transaction requires dimes as change. So you...

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When an elephant wants to buy a scantron for 35 cents with an ATM card, what do you do?

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Dialogue Between a Hillbilly Husband and Wife (very dramatic)

Maw: Paw, git up.  It’s time to fuck the hogs and milk the trees.

Paw: Milk the trees???  Listen, I milked them last night.

Maw: Well, git up.  Listen, the old red cow is crowing.

Paw: What’s fer breakfast?  Corn pone and black-eyed poop?

Maw: No.  I got some nice fried beer belly.

Paw: Good.  After breakfast I’ll slap the chickens and I’ll have to fix the still.

Maw: What’s wrong with the still?

Paw: It’s turning out pee instead of moonshine.  I think I’ve been putting too much meat in the mash.

Maw: Well, don’t forget to take your rifle, Paw.  If a Revenue Agent spots you you can shoot him in the arse.

 

Joke #18745

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.

“You know,” said Melba, “today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don’t use the word ‘obey’ anymore.”

“Too bad, isn’t it?” retorted Ken. “It used to lend a little humor to the occasion.”

 

Joke #18681

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful…CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful…CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I’m driving.”

 

Joke #18493

The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”

“And, when was that?”

“When he asked for the second cup.”

 

Joke #18434

While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden brown.

Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn’t reach it. The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast.

I joked, “You must be an emergency room worker.”

“No,” she replied with a grin. “I’m an obstetrician.”

 

Joke #18408

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming.

Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason ‘why this couple should not be married’. His reception wasn’t disrupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order.

When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed.

Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, “I’d like to order breakfast for two.”

At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, “Make that five.”