Brothers and Sisters Are…

The ones you’re always tripping over when you’re trying to do your homework, and the ones who can’t be found anywhere when you feel like a game of catch!

The ones who think it’s hilarious to pick up the phone extension and hiccup while you’re talking to a friend!

The ones who borrow your best white sweater, and when they return it, it’s your best black sweater!

The ones who can’t explain how peanut butter got in your hairbrush!

The ones who can’t explain how your hairbrush got into their room.

The ones who keep their rooms clean and as neat as a pin because they spend all their time in yours!

The ones who think it’s fun to tease you all day long about your new haircut.  Then when you tease them back, they cry!

The ones you have to find a bathroom for when there isn’t a bathroom within twenty miles!

The ones who somehow can’t find anything else to do but sit next to you when your friends come over!

The ones who have no idea how all those grasshoppers got under your pillow!

The ones who, whenever your friends come over, think it’s a riot to call you by your totally embarrassing middle name.

The ones who eat the last slice of chocolate cake when you’ve had your eye on it for hours!

The ones who save their allowance until it adds up to a fortune, while you’ve spent every penny you ever had!

The ones who magically become invisible when someone has to walk the dog on a rainy day.

The ones who don’t get caught making silly faces at the dinner table.

The ones who always know how to make you laugh when you’re drinking so that you get a quart of milk up your nose!

The ones who want to watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island when you want to watch the baseball play-offs.

 

Bathroom Sniff

Announcer: did you ever take a big crap, and can’t seem to get the smell of your crap out of your bathroom?

 

(there’s a guy’s face that looks disgusted as green gas goes in front of his face and he tries to fan it away with his hand)

 

Announcer: take back your bathroom! Make your bathroom smell like a bathroom again, with Bathroom Sniff!

 

(the guy’s face starts smiling, as an aerosol can sprays white gas into the green and makes it go away)

 

(the guy’s face starts smiling, as an aerosol can sprays white gas into the green and makes it go away)

 

Announcer: isn’t that fantastic?

 

Guy: thanks Bathroom Sniff! Now my bathroom smells like a bathroom again! And with the great, informative labels on the can, I’ll know that I’ll inhale CFCs which deplete the O-Zone Layer, and I’ll know that my life span will be cut shorter and shorter with each use!

 

(a big smile as the camera focuses in on his face)

 

Announcer: yes, that’s right. An unfortunate side effect, but where’s the PROOF? Show me some proof! CFCs are good for you! You suckers! You’ll all sniff anything I tell you to! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Comes in different smells, including Regular Bathroom, Apartment Bathroom, Hotel Bathroom, and Porta-Potty. Bathroom Sniff is not liable for how its consumers use its products, and if someone dies of regular non-abusive use of this product, don’t call us, we don’t care.

 

(end)

 

Motel Mexicana

Parody of “Hotel California” by The Eagles.

In a dark musty hallway,a few friends standing there,
Worn shells of fajitas-lying under a chair..
I bumped my head on the big vents,
and watched  the shattering lights..
My hombre said he & his ride moved in-
Their cab had dropped out of sight….

Pepe stood in the doorway..
He smelled like Taco Bell..
And I was drinking by myself
My seagram’s seven and a fifth of cheap ale..

Said he hit up a vandal,and he owed me my pay
There were pesos down his corduroys..
He  robbed his work that day..

Welcome to the Motel Mexicana
Just a grubby place…(just a grubby place)
Such an ugly place..

There’s plenty of gloom at the Motel Mexicana-
Any kind of beer,you can buy it here..

The wine is simply unfit it’s-
Not for your eighty friends..
We knocked a lot of greedy,greedy boys..
Then we  paid rent.

Howie glanced at the floor:”Are,
theeeeeeeeese summer ants?”
Jose said:”no remember.”
Juan said:”I forget..”

So I called to the fat man:
“Pleeeeeeeease bring me more lime..”
He said:”We haven’t had that citrus here since,
Fried beans hit the sign..”

And grilled ‘ole oysters were falling
From Carlo’s tray..
They shake you up in the middle of the night-
Just to hurl away..

Welcome to the Motel Mexicana
Just a grubby place..(such a grubby place)
Such an ugly place…(ugly place)

They piggin’ it up at the Motel Mexicana
Lotta mice ….surprise!
They sing you lullabies…

Roaches on the ceiling..
They drink my warm Bud Ice..
The flea bed-
And my guitar keep me prisoner here..
With my spanish rice.

And in the bathroom chamber,
They’d rather horde in peace..
I grab them but they run for their life..
But you just can’t kill these fleas!!

That Spring I remember..
This guy was,spraying down my door..
Had I the mind,had I turned my back,
My face-they’d have gnawed to the floor..
“Step back,” said the bug man..
“We are now going to leave..
Make your check out anyway you like..
Just make it out to me…”

 

Fun Stuff To Do

– Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don’t, then punch them in the face.

– Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. Then after everyone gives you sympathy remarks tell them you were just kidding and tell them they are all a bunch of queers.

– Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard.  Then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say “beat that.”

– Inform a co-worker that he wouldn’t make a good hooker then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good ass-fucking.

– Walk around with a big smile on your face while keeping one hand down your pants.

– Answer every question with “fuck if I know” then call the person a racial slur that doesn’t even match their race.

– Brag about the fact that you own a gun and keep playing with your nuts, get them really sweaty , then walk around shaking everyone’s hand.

– Shit on the floor of your office and when someone comes in and sees it tell them that it’s the fake plastic kind.  When they try to pick it up and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

– Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over the place and yell “It won’t stop!” then when it stops, look down and say “oh.”

10. ask to borrow someon’es pen. take it to the bathroom and stick it in your ass. return it and tell the person to smell it. when they tell you it smells like shit say ” it should i had it in my ass !! “