craidoaut – v. to cut down a cactus and shit on it in Arizona
“They owe me a warmer state! And Arizona don’t count!”
– a guy at davepoobond’s job
::A customer from another state calls the phone.::
Guy From Arizona: Hello?
davepoobond: Hi, how can I help you?
Guy From Arizona: Do you guys sell any of those 2004 World Series Shirts anymore?
davepoobond: No, we’ve been sold out of those for a couple years.
Guy From Arizona: Ah, shit, dammit, fuck!
Guy From Arizona: Do you guys have a catalog?
davepoobond: No, I’m sorry, we have a web site where —
Guy From Arizona: Ah shit. I don’t have Internet Access Thing.
davepoobond: Oh… sorry.
Guy From Arizona: Can you drive me down some shirts?
davepoobond: Um… sure, for a thousand dollars haha.
Guy From Arizona: Really?
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07
On doctor’s orders, Melling had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services.
Melling’s brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of. “Would you like to see the body?” the undertaker asked.
“I might as well take a look at it before the others get here.” The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.
“He looks good,” the brother said. “Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for him.”
Here are some oddly named towns:
– Toad Suck, Arkansas
– Hot Coffee, Mississippi
– Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
– Frankenstein, Missouri
– Chicken, Alaska
– Fifty-Six, Arizona
– Knockemstiff, Ohio
– Rabbit Hash, Kentucky
– Happy Jack, Arizona
– Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
If you have one, feel free to leave a comment.