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Stories

The Twisted Story of Binobobo and His Demise

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Prologue

Bobo was a simple farmer in Wisconsin. He farmed cheese. Cheese is very popular in Wisconsin, which is why he farmed cheese. Cheese is made from milk. Bobo had cows, therefore he had milk, and with milk, he had cheese.

Chapter 1

Obo was a superhero. He had super powers, such as the ability to punch through walls. One day Obo was flying over the city of Wisconsin, which is a city in Wisconsin, when he saw a crime being comitted. The crime, specifically, was a typical bank robbery. Obo was just about to stop it when one of the robbers handed him a sack of money as a bribe. Obo looked at the robbers for a while, then decided to mind his own business and flew away with the sack of money. Thus, Obo “went bad.”

Chapter 2

Bingo was a happy monkey. He’s been like that for as long as he could remember, which is about five seconds. You see Bingo, too, was a super hero. He had the power of a very short term memory. This was useful for lots of things. One was if someone kept telling him the same joke over and over, it would still be funny. He could talk, too.

Chapter 3

Bobo, Obo, and Bingo meet as a result of a wormhole opening where each of them were standing.

“Hi,” said Bobo.

“Hello, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.

“Hey, maybe we should team up and be three times as powerful and be a super, super, super hero!” said Obo.

“Hello, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.

“I think it would only be a super, super hero,” said Bobo, “for you see, I am a simple farmer while you and the monkey are super heroes.”

“Hi, I’m a talking monkey.” said Bingo.

“Fine, whatever,” said Obo, “We can be a super, super hero that can make cheese!”

“Now yer talkin’!” said Bobo.

“Hi, I’m a talking monkey,” said Bingo.

Chapter 4

Obo, Bingo, and Bobo mash their bodies together in a trash compactor and become a “super, super hero that can make cheese,” which will now be known simply as “Binobobo.”

Chapter 5

Hamburgler was plotting an evil scheme to get rid of the newly arisen Binobobo. Hamburgler hated all super heroes, especially ones with names like Binobobo. His plan was to feed Binobobo a Sausage McMuffin, then wait for Binobobo to explode!

Chapter 6

“I’m hungry,” said Binobobo, “let’s get some chow!”

“Ok by me!” said Binobobo.

“I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo

Chapter 7

Binobobo was on his way to Taco Bell to get some Zesty Tacos when he heard someone say, “Um, excuse me Mr. Binobobo, but would you be interested in some free food?”

“Free food?!” said Binobobo, “How can any one refuse free food?!” So he flew down to where the man calling him was. It was at McDonalds. He glanced at the sign.

McDonalds

We love to see you smile – then explode!!

“Hmm…I don’t know about this…what do you think, Binobobo?” asked Binobobo.

“Seems fine to me, even though I hate McDonalds,” said Binobobo.

“I’m a talking monkey…hey, wait, I already said that. Geez, you guys are so boring that I actually remember what I said five seconds ago-Hi, I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo

“Whoa,” thought Hamburgler, “this guy is weirder than my commercials!”

“Ok!” said Binobobo, “Now we can take your food!”

“Hmm…maybe you’d better take three of these Sausage McMuffins…” said Hamburgler.

“Nonsense, we aren’t three people anymore,” said Binobobo, “Just three people mashed together!”

“Oh…I…see…” said Hamburgler while he handed Binobobo the Sausage McMuffin, “Here you go…free food!”

“Thank you!” said Binobobo.

“I’m a talking monkey,” said Binobobo

Binobobo ate the sausage McMuffin and exploded, as planned. The End

Stories

Star Compactor

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Prologue

I have a three day weekend coming up after finals. I’m going to play video games the whole time. It will be so relaxing. I won’t even have to tink! I can just sit in my room and stare at the TV. I can’t wait. Actually, that will probably never happen. So…anyway, you can read this story I wrote, if you want.

Chapter 1

“Yes, I have finally done it! I have constructed a trash compactor so large, that I will be able to crush the earth with it!” thought Ted, the repair guy from Venus. Ted was a simple man. Well, he was. One day a couple very rich peoplecame and told him to repair all 50 billion of their trash compactors. Ted just snapped. He was used to maybe one or two jobs a month, but this was too much. Ted took the trash compactors, and used them to create a giant trash compactor big enough to crush the Earth.

“Why the Earth, and not Venus?” you might ask? Well, one day he decided that the Earth was much too big, and it would be more efficient as a small cube. He would do the same to Venus, after.

Chapter 2

Bill was walking down the street having a normal day on Earth. He was going to buy a newspaper, then go home and read a book by the fire. The newspaper was for kindling. Suddenly, there was an eclipse. Bob looked up and saw the outline of something very huge that was blocking the sun. It looked a bit like the trash compactor in his kitchen that he used all the “pets” his kids brought home, only much bigger, obviously. Bill could hear a voice coming from the giant thing. This is what it said:

“Hello everyone. This is Ted the repair guy and yes, I am flying a giant trash compactor. Do not be alarmed! I come in peace….well, no, actually I don’t. I’m going to crush your planet into a small cube. I’m sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.”

Bill shrugged and said, “I never thought you could do that with a trash compactor…maybe I’ll crush the moon sometime.” And with that, Ted crushed the Earth and killed everything on it.

Chapter 3

The people of Venus were talking. They were talking about launching nuclear missles at the giant trash compactor. The problem was that they talked too much and Ted crushed them all before they had a chance to stop talking.

Epilogue

This story had one point. Never use trash compactors. You just heard how dangerous they are, so why use them at all? Trash compactors are just plain bad, and that goes for garbaged disposals too. Those things slice and dice things to peices. I can only imagine how many people die each year from the use of garbage disposals. Both of these things are dangerous, and you should avoid them at all costs

Lists

If They Wed

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If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she’d be Oprah Chopra.

If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it’s the ’90’s!) he’d be Cat Doggy Dogg.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she’d be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.

If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he’d be G. Ghali G.

Nog (Quark’s brother on “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”) has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he’d be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she’d be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. (This one may take a little longer to get)

If Jack Handy (“Saturday Night Live” writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he’d be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he’d be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, “Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy.”