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Happy Fruits – Pub Slot (iOS) Review

November 8th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer/Publisher: Mazooma Interactive Games || Overall:  8.5/10

Happy Fruits – Pub Slot is a fruit-themed slots game available on iOS.  As a single-themed slot, the experience revolves solely around the theme of smiling, jumping, happy fruit.  With some interesting bonus games, this slots game is one of the better slots games available.

As everything is Happy and Fruit themed, even the standard 10, J, Q, K, A letters are animated and smiling.  They represent different types of fruit, such as the Green J fruit, the Blue K fruit, and my favorite, the purple Q fruit.  They look so delicious, you’ll want to eat them!

Similar to other slots games, you’ll unlock features as you play.  Each level allows you to bet at a higher cap, and at level 5, Auto Play is unlocked.  You get bonus credits every level and as a timed bonus every four hours.  You start out with 2500 credits which can easily get you a few levels up just by itself.  Each bet will add XP to your player level, so higher bets will get you levels faster.

There are also several interesting bonuses.  The largest bonus is the three progressive jackpots that slowly grow as you play.  The pick-a-win multiplier, in which you choose one of three possible bonuses, multiply your bet by the one that is chosen.  The most frequent one I encountered was the Crazy Streak spin bonus in which you will be taken to a 3-slot game that rolls slots automatically.  When you gain three of a certain fruit in each of the allocated spaces respectively, you’ll attain the bonus that fruit type is assigned.  Once you get the killer tomatoes that require the bonus game to end, the rolls will stop and you’ll receive the payout.  This bonus game is pretty fun as you’ll see things slowly fill in and as you progress in levels you’ll be able to last longer against the tomatoes on average.

Happy Fruits – Pub Slot is an interesting slots game that has a unique bonus game and theme to offer to players.  If you are interested in trying out the game, it is available on the App Store.

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PixelJunk Shooter Ultimate (PC) Review

November 5th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer: Q-Games/Double Eleven | Publisher: Q-Games || Overall: 9.5/10

Q-Games’ PixelJunk series has become one of my favorites over the past few years. Starting with one of my all-time favorite games, PixelJunk Monsters, any time a new PixelJunk game gets announced it has gotten my attention. A couple of years ago I had purchased PixelJunk Shooter on Steam and fell in love with the blending of puzzles with twin-stick shooter gameplay. While I was never a big fan of twin-stick shooters by themselves, PixelJunk Shooter elevates the genre to a new height by integrating fast-paced, unique, and well-designed puzzles. PixelJunk Shooter Ultimate, released in October, carries over all of PixelJunk Shooter 1 and includes PixelJunk Shooter 2, which continues the game in new and challenging ways.

The general goal of PixelJunk Shooter Ultimate is to complete stages by collecting diamonds and scientists. Each “episode” is segmented into five different stages, and each stage is divided into a certain amount of “scenes.” Each full stage probably can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 minutes depending on your ability to figure out puzzles. In most scenes, a lot of trial and error may occur, and you’ll have to memorize the order in which you do actions to succeed. This feeds into the idea that you want to be able to perfect your run through the scene to collect all of the diamonds, all of the scientists alive, getting out of the scene without dying yourself and in the quickest way possible. There is one boss per episode with six episodes total. Shooter 1 is the first three episodes, while Shooter 2 is the second three. Shooter 2 continues right where the first left off in terms of the story.

Most of the gameplay revolves around the liquid elemental aspects of puzzles. You’ll see lots of different types of liquid as you venture deep through the planet, all of which do various things to you and with each other when they interact. While you don’t have a health bar, per se, you have a “Heat Gauge.” The Heat Gauge hitting its max will spell your end, but you’ll be able to skate by as long as it doesn’t hit 100%, and even then if you somehow land in water you might recover. Your Heat Gauge will increase when you use special-fire missiles, get hit by enemy fire, or get close to Lava. You’ll be able to cool down by submersing yourself in Water, and while in water you are able to infinitely spam your missiles. Water and Lava, are the primary elements you’ll encounter in the game, and when they interact, it creates rock that you can blast through with your lasers. You won’t be able to swim through Lava usually, so that is one of the many kinds of simple puzzles you’ll see in the game. Where it gets complicated is when you should do these things and how they affect other parts of your current puzzle, and this kind of decision making is integral to the experience of the game. You’ll also be able to use “Suits” in certain scenes where they are available, which will change the rules in how you interact with these elements in unique ways. This keeps the gameplay fresh and varied. Each Episode ends with an exciting boss battle that primarily focuses on combat rather than puzzles, but you’ll still have to remember what you’ve learned, as they do usually use the elements you have become familiar with.

At first I was worried I wouldn’t be able to carry over my progress from the previous game. I had practically completed the whole game at this point, but hadn’t gotten to the end. Fortunately, you can load a save from PixelJunk Shooter 1 if you have it already on Steam. This allows you to continue right from where you may have left off. Those of us who had played the first game will notice immediately that there have been various UI improvements and a simpler way of knowing you’ve collected one of the objectives in each of the scenes. This helps when you inevitably have to go back and replay stages you didn’t do too well on. Also, diamonds you’ve already collected do not appear anymore, as opposed to the previously where you had to collect a total number larger than you had before so that it would count as more diamonds. This makes it easier to collect diamonds and doesn’t require you to memorize where all of them are across the whole stage.

A new art style known as the “Ultimate” art style is the default in this version of the game. The art has been upgraded to give it a more 3D look and benefit from effects such as lighting. The “Classic” art style is still available, which has a more hand-drawn, flat 2D look. While I personally prefer the Classic art style, the Ultimate art style still keeps the general charm of the art and looks pretty neat. I found myself actually playing in the Ultimate art style after a little while to benefit from the extra effects they added in. As a result of this newer art style it does seem to have upped the minimum requirements of your PC a bit. Music has an upbeat/jazzy/electronic feel and fits in very well. Music is always one of the strong points of PixelJunk, and this game is no exception. Music will also fade out as you get closer to a boss, to give it a feeling as if something big looms near (and it usually does).

Overall, it seems like there is about 20 hours’ worth of gameplay on your first play-through. To get perfect scores on each level, it will probably take you a lot longer since you’ll most likely miss a lot on the first time through. You’ll probably be forced to replay previous levels if you don’t have enough diamonds to unlock the next stage, so it won’t really be something you’ll avoid completely, anyway. There is also a sense of accomplishment in completing a whole stage perfectly. There is also enough variety that going back and replaying a stage won’t feel cumbersome.

As far as alternate game modes go, there is a local co-op mode and an online multiplayer mode. The online multiplayer is based more on competitively completing objectives and unlocking gear as you progress. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be very popular, so it is hard to find anyone to play with in the League mode. However, you can play online with a friend who owns the game, so this mode isn’t completely a loss. I don’t put much stake in requiring a multiplayer mode for my games so it is easy for me to ignore it. It was disappointing to not be able to try it out at least a couple of times, though.

Shooter’s formula is simple yet the design is complex and multilayered. You’ll be forced to master the basic formula, and then be challenged when the rules change and the formula gets thrown out the window. Some levels are fast paced, while others focus more on puzzles, and yet others focus on defeating enemies. PixelJunk Shooter Ultimate is one of my most favorite games in the past few years, and is highly recommended.  It is available now on Steam.

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Roulette Live Casino (iOS) Review

October 30th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer/Publisher: AbZorba Games || Overall: 8.0/10

Part of the AbZorba suite of casino games, Roulette Live Casino is available for the iOS.  A simple, easy to play Roulette game using the AbZorba Avatar system, Roulette Live Casino is a perfect way for a beginner to understand the basics of the table game.

Once you sit at a table, it is easy to bet on the spots you for the next spin.  While Inside Betting on numbers directly will pay out the most, they are the least likely to hit.  Most of your bets should be spread out, and on the category-type Outside Bets, such as Black, Red, 1st 12, 2nd 12, etc.  There is a Help option that teaches these terms and how they are related to their payouts, so you’ll be able to know what you’re betting on.

The game will allow you to play with other people and you can see what bets other people do.  No one competes with each other, but you may be motivated to try and get a better total win than others on the table, or engage with them socially.  The options to place bets are simple taps with your finger, and you can also easily wipe your bets or place the same bets again with the on-screen commands.  There is a timer in the bottom corner that will inform you how much time you have for the current bet.

Roulette Live Casino also utilizes the same Avatar system as their other games, and you can make some fun custom combinations as well as opt to buying a “Hero” with Diamonds.  Chips are earned through regular play.  In-app Purchases are available for both currencies.

Roulette Live Casino is a nice roulette game for your iOS devices and if you are interested in learning the ropes of roulette.

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Squackle.com! Mottos

October 25th, 2015 Posted in Quotes | No Comments »

Mottos are needed when you want to boast about how good your site is.  Here’s a bunch of mottos and potential ad blurbs I thought up.  They may or may not be used at some point.

Mottos:

  • Squackle.com!  The Funniest Site on the Net!
  • Squackle.com!  Bitches Beware!
  • Squackle.com!  The Site That Saved the World!
  • Squackle.com!  Better Than Porn!
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, More Than One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Bringing You and Your Family Closer to Insanity
  • Squackle.com!  So Much Crap, So Little Time
  • Squackle.com!  70% of Our Visitors Probably Have Their Pants Around Their Ankles
  • Squackle.com!  We didn’t cut the fat!
  • Squackle.com!  One of the Funniest Sites on the Net (deprecated, but classic)
  • Squackle.com!  A Lot of Advantages
  • There’s a place for everything, even your mom, on Squackle.com

Ad Blurbs:

  • Hey, fag.  Go to Squackle! www.squackle.com
  • Jo MAMA lives in Bahrain! Buy the shirt at www.squackle.com
  • I screwed jo mama after she went to this site www.squackle.com
  • There’s naked pictures of your momma on the web. Go here to see them. www.squackle.com
  • ohh The Best Part of Wakin’ Up, is screwin your mom up the assssss! www.squackle.com
  • Hey, you.  Do something productive with your meaningless life and go to this meaningless site.  It’s funny!  Tell people about it, too.
  • Squackle <—— funny site.   Tell people about it.
  • Hey you!  Got nothing to do?  Go to this site, it’s funny, and there is funny stuff there, too!  Go as soon as you can, this shit is hi-frickin-larious.  Tell people about it, too!
  • Ain’t today pretty?  Pretty boring!  Wanna get un-bored?  Go to this site, it’s funny and well worth it to go.  So go now, and tell people about it, too!

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GameTwist Casino (iOS) Review

October 23rd, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer: Novomatic Games | Publisher: Funstage Games  || Overall:  9.0/10

GameTwist Casino is a multi-themed slots package.  Unlike some similar multi-slot apps, there is a progression system that requires you to level up to unlock more slots.  Starting out with 20,000 credits and three slots unlocked, you’ll gain levels and progress through the slots available.

As variety is one of the important aspects of GameTwist Casino, it is important to note how many slots there are.  There are currently 25 slots available, each unlocked every couple of levels at the lowest levels.  The highest slot is currently unlocked at level 160.  The progression system allows you to focus on the a smaller subset of slots as you unlock more, but not at a slow enough rate where you don’t feel like you lack the variety the game intends to offer.

You’ll unlock your 10th slot at around level 15, which is easily attainable after spending a little while with each of the slots you’ll unlock up to that point.  The gaps between unlocks grows as you get higher in levels.  The GameTwist Casino lobby is also easy to use as you can download the slots one at a time, and easily choose which one you are interested in playing.  Every level gained nets you a bonus, as well as the four hour Timed Bonus.

The art in the slots games is nice, and there are many 3D animations that enhance the general experience.  When a large win happens, big letters such as “BIG WIN” will appear which ups the excitement factor.  The user interface for the slots are consistent so you won’t have to “learn” anything new when you open up a new slot.

Some of the slots available are as follow:

  • Book of Ra deluxe
  • Gorilla
  • Sizzling Hot
  • Reel King
  • Lord of the Ocean
  • Marilyn Red Carpet
  • Golden Ark
  • African Simba

GameTwist Casino’s generous starting bonus allow for a lot of play to get used to and unlock many of the initial slots.  To get all of the slots unlocked, it will take a time commitment.  If you enjoy slots games, it can be fun to unlock the slots, as they feel like a reward when you attain the level milestone.

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Quote #24311

October 13th, 2015 Posted in Quotes | No Comments »

“If you’re reading this, you might be interested in our friend, Megan. We made this profile in secret to help her find the Right guy.”

– from a girl’s dating profile that isn’t actually hers

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Cops & Robbers Safecracker (iOS) Review

October 12th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer: Mazooma Interactive Games | Publisher: Funstage Games  || Overall:  9.0/10

Police chasing down the crooks is one of your classic scenarios for media.  On the iOS App Store, Cops & Robbers Safecracker is a free-to-play slots game that integrates the titular theme for your gaming pleasure.

You’ll notice immediately the cartoon-style the game inherits.  Overall, it has a 1920’s UK theme for the characters, and paired with the terminology, such as “You’re nicked!” the slots game has a certain charm to it that can appeal to the user.

What is really fun about this slots game is that being a singular theme allows the developer to focus on bonuses and expand upon the chosen theme.  With the normal slots game, which is a 5-Column slot format, you get pay outs for three/four/five-in-a-row matches.  You’ll see the standard 10, J, Q, K, A letters for slots, with a Police Officer being the second highest, and the “Cops ‘n’ Robbers” logo for the highest pay out.  There are also bulldogs that stand in as the Wild.  You are able to gamble your winnings at the end of a roll by way of a 50% chance predicting a Red or Black card being drawn.  This option can be toggled on and off as you desire and you can increase your bet in increments of 25, and after 100, increments of 100.  This allows you to fine tune how much you want to use, and the Auto Play toggle will show how many spins you can play at the current stake level before you turn Auto Play on again.

Along with the seven matching items for pay outs, a number of themed bonus items may appear.  If three of them appear on the board, you’ll enter one of the exciting bonus games.  Each bonus game is unique and can hold a lot of reward.

Your typical bonus comes in free spins.  Rolling three safes will earn you those free spins and you’ll choose between the three different safes.  They will have a different amount of spins each and the payouts you win during the free spins will be multiplied, which ups the value of your free spins considerably.

Getting three swag bags activates a bonus in which you choose one of three colored bags.  Each of the colored bags has a different amount of credits to be awarded.  As you play the normal slots game, these swag bags will slowly mature, and whatever the credit value is assigned to them at the time of the bonus activation is what you will get if you choose that bag.  The bags will be shuffled and you only choose one, so it is a 1/3 chance to get any of the three.  After the bonus, the colored bag you chose resets to a default value and proceeds to progressively mature again.

If you get three Crooks, you will enter a dice roll “Chase” bonus game.  A board is displayed with credit values, and you will roll a dice when ready.  The dice roll will dictate where your Crook lands on the board, and those credits are what you will earn for doing so.  After you roll, the police will roll as well, and they will either catch you or miss you.  If you are caught, you will be put in a suspect line-up, where you have a random 1/3 chance to get away and roll again on the board for more credits.  If the Crook is identified, your bonus round is over and you’ll return to the slots game.

Sound effects are also fun with voices, police sirens, jail noises, and other themed noises.  Visual effects are nice and the art style helps the game with its charm.  Every four hours will also earn you a free 500 credits, allowing you to start with about 2500 credits when you install.

If you’re looking for a slots game that integrates a multitude of bonus games, Cops ‘n’ Robbers Safecracker is a fun slots game.  One of the advantages of playing video slots is that the bonus games can become fairly interactive and exciting, and this is one of those instances that takes advantage of that fact.

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molidon

October 8th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

molidon – n. ravioli-stuffed watermelon

Ex. Serving molidon with a side of beans is recommended.

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Slotpark (iOS) Review

October 4th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer/Publisher: Funstage Games  || Overall:  8.5/10

Slotpark is a free casino app available in the German App Store.  Slotpark maintains the same user interface integrated across a wide variety of slots as players switch between them.  In the corners you’ll be shown your current Credit balance and your levels.  With each level, you gain an extra Credit bonus, as well as a timed bonus every 4 hours, which is standard across many casino apps.  The first few levels are quite easy to reach, so you’ll be earning a lot of bonus Credits as you start out.  This is a good way to allow you to get used to the game’s features and slots, and improves the accessibility to new players.

Slotpark currently includes 12 differently-themed slots, with more being added.  You’ll be able to switch between slots very easily by downloading a new slot.  Once you feel like changing, it is easy to go back to the Lobby and switch to another slot.

The slot selection is varied, and each theme can be fun depending on your personal preference.  5-Column games are what you’ll see mostly, but there are a couple of 3-Column games available.  The selection of slots include the following and more:

  • Lucky Lady’s Charm Deluxe – lady/luck/magic themed
  • Queen of Hearts deluxe – castle/red heart theme
  • Book of Ra Deluxe – Egypt themed
  • Pharaoh’s Tomb – also Egypt themed
  • Lord of the Ocean – Poseidon/water theme
  • Dolphin’s Pearl Deluxe – water/pearl theme

It is very convenient to be able to switch between slots that are available via the Slotpark lobby.  If you are interested in trying out Slotpark, you can find it on the German App Store.  It is also available in the Austria, Switzerland, Romania, Turkey, French, Netherlands, and Greek App Stores.

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dichodeci

October 4th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

dichodeci – n. a fortune cookie that has two fortunes in it

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alpier

October 3rd, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

alpier – n. an item left inside of a microwave that surprises you by its presence when you open the microwave door.

Ex. That plate was an alpier to me this morning.  Where the fuck did it come from?

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Rogue Continuum (PC) Early Access Preview

September 27th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer: Rocktastic Games  | Publisher: Surprise Attack Games

THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY SQUACKLE SYSTEM!

THIS IS ONLY A TEST!

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW DECIDES TO ALTER THE TIMELINE, DON’T! IT IS A HIGHLY VOLATILE AND SENSITIVE PART OF METAPHYSICS THAT SHOULD ONLY BE HANDLED BY A PROFESSIONAL. SO UNLESS YOUR FIRST NAME IS “DOC” AND YOUR LAST NAME IS “BROWN,” PLEASE LEAVE THE TIME STREAM ALONE.

SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO: NOT KILLING JOHN CONNER, ATTEMPTED SEDUCTION BY YOUR OWN MOTHER, BEING YOUR OWN GRANDFATHER, AND BEING CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO TIMELINES WHERE EITHER YOUR ROMANTIC INTEREST OR CHILDHOOD FRIEND WILL DIE.

ONCE AGAIN, THIS WAS ONLY A TEST!

Time is a valuable resource; luckily you’ll have plenty of it in Rouge Continuum. The newest incarnation in the rouge-like genre, Rogue Continuum has you die, die and die again all to stop the eventual destruction of Earth. The Earth has been destroyed and the survival of the human race is in peril as a small team of psychos take it upon themselves to go back in time and take the fight to the alien’s home world. Armed with plenty of weapons and a time machine that allows them to retry missions time and time again, the team looks to eradicate the alien menace before they can even reach Earth. Thankfully, with a good assortment of characters, varied enemies and a system that makes your character stronger with every death, it also might be a lot of fun to do so.

Rouge Continuum attempts to inject rouge-likes with a good bit of crazy to bring out the best in the genre. Already impressive, even in this Early Access build, there is a good bit of fun, variety and fast-pace zaniness. The basic set up is simple: maneuver through an enemy-filled stage, fight a few bosses and then make your way to the enemy-infested extraction point to finish the level. You get power ups along the way that upgrade your speed, attack, defense and weapons to make you stronger overall. More importantly, you acquire experience points that increase your character’s base stats and abilities. You’re allowed to keep any abilities or stats gained through experience points but must forfeit any abilities or upgrades picked up during the level when you die. This makes you steadily stronger at the start of every new life and eventually makes you strong enough to complete the level. This common repetition of fighting, dying and coming back stronger is the basic rhythm of this game.

Though the formula may sound a bit repetitive, Rogue Continuum does a fine job keeping it fresh and new. Having 4 vastly different characters, many enemy types, unique upgrades and various stages to enjoy, it is often a pleasant surprise to see how they all work. The playable characters deserve special note since they all play quite differently from each other; whether it is Smackdown Sam (yes, that’s his real name, isn’t it awesome?) with his run-and-gun style of combat, Ownage Olga’s (and yeah, they don’t really get much better than that first name) charge shot and dodge tactics, Rampage Rufus who is the only melee combatant in the game, or Destructobot who is quite literally a walking tank, each character plays wildly different from the other. Couple these characters with a game that doesn’t really care about the small things like “realism” or “making sense” and you have a fun time-waster. At one point in time, I was even able to mix elemental abilities to create a bullet that encased enemies in blocks of ice while setting them on fire. Rogue Continuum cares about that much.

Other than some balance issues between the weapons and characters, and the occasional pop-up of a bug or two, it’s really hard to fault Rogue Continuum, even at this stage of development. They could inject many things to make it better, but it would be more of a wish list than any actual detriment the game currently has this early in its Early Access cycle. And with the inclusion of online co-op on the way, they are already hitting one of the items on that personal wish list. Overall, they are off to a mighty fine start.

The flow of the game may be repetitive, but the variety of character, enemies and weapons really make Rogue Continuum stand out. Plus, the way it wholeheartedly embraces its unrealistic premise with equally unrealistic gameplay makes for a game that’s low on brain power but high on fun. Rogue Continuum is currently on Steam Early Access for $9.99, look for it today… or sometime yesterday.

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Gaminator (iOS) Review

September 27th, 2015 Posted in Game Reviews, Games | No Comments »

Developer/Publisher: Greentube Alderney Ltd.  || Overall:  8.5/10

Gaminator is a free casino app available in various European App Stores.  Using the same user interface integrated across a multitude of slots, players are able to hop around between different themes as they see fit with ease.  When first booting up the game, you are presented with an easy-to-understand interface.  In the top corners you’ll be shown your current Credit balance and your levels, the most important pieces of information.  With each level, you gain an extra Credit bonus, as well as a timed bonus every 4 hours.  The first few levels are easy to attain, so you’ll be earning quite a bit of bonus Credits as you start out.  This is a good way to allow you to get used to the game’s features and slots, especially if this is your first casino game.

Gaminator currently includes 13 differently-themed slots, with more being added.  You’ll be able to quickly and easily switch between slots that you like without restrictions such as a level minimum.  Once you feel like changing, it is easy to go back to the Lobby and switch to another slot.

The slot selection is diverse, and each theme can be fun depending on your personal preference.  Most are 5-Column games with a couple of 3-Column games available.  The selection of slots include the following and more:

  • Lucky Lady’s Charm Deluxe – lady/luck/magic themed
  • Book of Ra Deluxe – Egypt themed
  • Columbus deluxe – based on Christopher Columbus
  • Ultra Hot Deluxe – 3-Column fruit theme
  • Lord of the Ocean – Poseidon/water theme

It is very convenient to be able to switch between slots that are available via the Gaminator lobby.  If you are interested in trying out Gaminator, you can find it on the Hungarian App Store.  It is also available on the Czech, Polish, Russian, and Slovakian App Stores.

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fornohgot

September 27th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

fornohgot – v. to have known at some point, but forgot it

Ex. I fornohgot that her name was Julia.

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safru

September 26th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

safru – n. a speech given at a wedding that gets a “That’s it?” as a reaction from someone in the audience

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