Quote #22161

Joe and Je’von are in different rooms, but close enough where they can yell at each other.

Joe:  Hey!  ……………….What are you doing?

Je’von:  My makeup.

Joe: What are you doing??

Je’von: My makeup!

Joe: What are you doing??

Je’von: MY MAKEUP!

Joe: What?


Joe:  ……………your makeup?

– at davepoobond’s house


Quote #22155

About Me:

“this is whack.com. LOL. i dont know why i sighed up for this. Maybe cause imma wakko. but hai. i like tattoos 3 and i love food. I love tegan and sara. I love taking back sunday. my hobbies are tv and eating. BLAH this is lame. why do all the hot guys smoke weed UGH”


“food dood. 3 key to mah heart. DUH. i like cookie dough icecream and chipotle. LOL.”

– from a dating profile


Quote #22154: Internet Access Thing — Not Available in Arizona

This entry is part 22 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::A customer from another state calls the phone.::

Guy From Arizona: Hello?

davepoobond: Hi, how can I help you?

Guy From Arizona: Do you guys sell any of those 2004 World Series Shirts anymore?

davepoobond: No, we’ve been sold out of those for a couple years.

Guy From Arizona: Ah, shit, dammit, fuck!

davepoobond: Ummm….

Guy From Arizona: Do you guys have a catalog?

davepoobond: No, I’m sorry, we have a web site where —

Guy From Arizona: Ah shit.  I don’t have Internet Access Thing.

davepoobond:  Oh… sorry.

Guy From Arizona: Can you drive me down some shirts?

davepoobond: Um… sure, for a thousand dollars haha.

Guy From Arizona: Really?

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07


Quote #22153: Lola’s Forgotten Present

This entry is part 21 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::Billy is reading a book and a picture of his ex-girlfriend from 11th grade pops out and falls on the floor.::

::davepoobond picks it up off the floor and on the back, is written…::

2: My Dearest Bugs or Googely Bear AKA Billy =)

Here is a brand new pic of your sexy bunny for you to drool over.  Enjoy.

Don’t get too happy.

11th grade 02-03

<3 always, Lola

::After reading the back out loud, davepoobond turns the picture around and acts shocked, mostly cause of how she looks, which is more on the unattractive side than the latter::

davepoobond: I’m keeping this for my journal, are you sure you don’t want it?

Billy: No!  I DON’T WANT IT!!!

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07


Quote #22152

This entry is part 20 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

Man With Moustache: When are you guys going to get more of these bobble heads?

Blanker: I don’t know, we get lots of requests for it…

davepoobond: We’ll never get them again, they never order them because that would be too smart.

Blanker: Also, no one even bought them when we had them in stock the first time.

Man With Moustache: Ohhh!  I would buy one…

Blanker: Haha, we’ll give you a call when they come in.

Man With Moustache: Oh, thanks.

davepoobond: Yeah, we’ll give you a call when they come in.  You don’t even have to leave your phone number.

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/3/07


Quote #22151: Where’s the Bathroom?

This entry is part 19 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::Female customer asks where the bathroom is.::

davepoobond: Past the escalator and to the right.

::davepoobond points in the direction she should go.::

::The customer goes past the escalator in the wrong direction, announcing her actions as she does so::


::Customer looks in the completely opposite direction she should be going.::

davepoobond: Umm… no, that way.

Customer: That’s the left!

::Customer goes out of sight.  davepoobond and David Arr just laugh.::

::davepoobond then imitates exactly what the customer did and they just crack up at how stupid what just happened was.::

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/2/07


Quote #22149

This entry is part 17 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::davepoobond is at the register and is doing something with a void slip (a piece of paperwork saying why a transaction was canceled).  It was fairly important.::

Female Customer: Can I pay for this here?

::A male customer walks up next to her::

davepoobond: Ummmm… sureeeeeee, but I’m doing something right now.

::davepoobond sidesteps to the other end of Customer Service as Maria Sweden steps over to the register.  She proceeds to smack davepoobond on the shoulder for not ringing up the girl::


::davepoobond just shrugs and resumes to try to look busy doing the void slip::


Maria Sweden: Did you know that guy?

davepoobond: No…

Maria Sweden: You didn’t?

davepoobond: Never seen that guy before in my life.

Maria Sweden: Seriously?  That was pretty cheeky to have done that…

davepoobond: Cheeky?

Maria Sweden: Yeah, cheeky, you don’t know what cheeky means?

::davepoobond rolls his eyes::

– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007

If you don’t get the joke, Maria didn’t know what cheeky meant herself.  The definition of “cheeky” is “impudent or irreverent, typically in an endearing or amusing way.”


Quote #22148

::Stephen looks at a closed case of cologne.::

Stephen: Oh, Gucci?

::Stephen reaches forward to grab the cologne but his hand is blocked by the plastic locked door.::

Stephen: Oh, what?  I thought it was open!  It looked like it ended right above!

::Stephen proceeds to cover up how dumb he was to do that, but Ely and I just keep laughing at him.::

– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007


Quote #22097

::insert picture of a more-or-less hot chick::

“I am unique. You love me.
My favorite thing to do is eat. I enjoy books, they are more entertaining than most people.
I am not sarcastic and hate humor.
Music is for the weak.
Lets get tacos sometime.
I always wear a pleather jumpsuit underneath my clothes.”

– from a girl’s dating profile.