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Tags: commercial, watch

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EXT. LIBRARY BRIDGE-DAY

KID# 1

Walking over bridge carrying an empty bottle. Throws bottle over shoulder. DIFFERENT ANGLE. Falls down and hits KID # 2, who is walking under the bridge, on the head. He picks up the bottle. Looks at it.

KID # 2

Ow!

KID # 2 picks up bottle. Looks at it and throws bottle at trash can and misses. Bottle rolls along floor. DIFFERENT ANGLE. KID # 3 kicks bottle hard towards kids eating lunch and bottle lands in lap of KID # 4.

KID # 4

(disgusted)

Eww… I don’t want this.

Throws bottle over head into a bush. Close up shot of bottle. Camera zooms out and there are other pieces of trash all over the BUSH.

TEXT

Black background and white writing.

Neither do we.

Tags: public service announcement

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EXT: Park.

DIRK, a young man is sitting on a children’s merry-go-round. He’s holding a pair of cutting scissors. GREG, a large bunny, runs up and pushes the merry-go-round very fast. Dirk screams, and runs dizzily off up a hill. Greg laughs menacingly, kicks FRODO off the slide, jumps on the back of a truck, hits the driver with nunchucks and they peel out.

CUT TO:

MOVING

Camera circles around Dirk as he runs.

He falls off camera. SCREAMING. Blood squirts up.

INT: Doctor’s office

CEDRICK, a middle aged doctor stares into space, misty eyed. PHIL, the tough as nails physical trainer sits in the corner, hands on his knees.

CEDRICK

(sobbing)

I don’t think I can save him

PHIL

Doc, ya got to! Karate championship’s in two hours!

Cedrick puts a bandaid over the wound. The scissors are still protruding. Phil leans towards Dirk.

PHIL

(whispering; teary eyed)

You’re the best!

Music starts: “YOU’RE THE BEST”

CUT TO:

INT: Green room.

Dirk is working out. First he does sit-ups, then punches the air, jump ropes, then tries to do the splits. CRUNCHING.

CUT TO:

EXT: Mountaintop

Dirk is posing in karate stances in front of a sunset

CUT TO:

INT: Gym

Music stops. Dirk is facing off against Greg. A close shot of Dirk’s face reveals beads of sweat. Phil is in the corner, cheering him on. Cedrick is next to him, worried.

PHIL

Remember, kid! You’re the best!

(music resumes)

Dirk and Greg dance around striking karate poses and jabbing at each other.

SLOW

Greg yanks out Dirk’s scissors. Music fades out. Blood squirts from off camera. Close up of Dirk’s face in agony.

Phil yelling but is muted. While the commotion continues in the background, Frodo walks in front of the camera.

FRODO

(serious tone)

Remember, running with scissors doesn’t only affect you.

CUT TO:

Cedrick in the corner, crying blood and eating a bag of bugs.

CEDRICK

(whimpering)

I couldn’t save him.

CUT TO:

Middle of gym. Greg is jumping up and down with a large trophy above his head.

Picture of Dirk’s face. Underneath is written “Dirk” “Daniel son” Miagi, July 7, 1985 – October 12, 2002

END

Tags: public service announcement, scissors

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I found this.

-

EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY

STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.

STUDENT #1

A tall, Asian male wearing gang-related clothing. He is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.

CUT TO:

EXT – OUTSIDE JEWELRY SHOP – DAY

STUDENT #1 IS SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW OUTSIDE, (POV). He examines a bracelet and being satisfied, buys the bracelet.

CUT TO:

INT – STUDENT #1′S HOUSE – NIGHT

STUDENT #1 hands the bracelet that he bought earlier to his BROTHER. BROTHER puts on the bracelet and then after, shows STUDENT #1 some brotherly affection.

CUT TO:

EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY

STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.

STUDENT #1

STUDENT #1 is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.

ANOTHER STUDENT

ANOTHER STUDENT takes the marijuana he bought from STUDENT #1 and walks off.

HAND DECORATED WITH A BRACELET

The hand with a bracelet is seen giving a twenty-dollar bill to ANOTHER STUDENT’s hand and in return receives a plastic bag of marijuana.

End.

Tags: public service announcement

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This was a group effort by davepoobond, elmoisfurry, Nose, and stimpyismyname.

-

INT. HOUSE – DAY

A cockatiel is on a recliner. People are bowing down to it. Another person brings a piece of bread and puts it in front of the bird. The bird eats a little of the bread, and the last person that came in, starts bowing down as well, with the other.

CUT TO: EXT. GRASSY FIELD – DAY

A BUTTERBEE is pollinating the flowers

Butterbee

I’m pollinating the flowers!

2 PEOPLE come over.

Person 1

Oh, what a pretty butterfly!

The Butterbee goes crazy and beats them up. Afterwards, he goes back to pollinating.

CUT TO: INT. HOUSE – DAY

ACTIVIST is in a cage. A DOG is outside the cage. The dog looks into the cage, “smiling” and the ACTIVIST is pawing at the cage happily.

CUT TO: SWIMMING POOL – DAY

3 people jump out of a pool and they swim around like otters. The camera tilts to a DUCK’s wing that has pieces of bread on it.

Duck

Quack quack!

The 3 people start looking at the camera, and act up.

3 people

(at same time)

Bread! Bread! Bread! Bread!

The DUCK throws in the bread.

3 people

(at same time, while punching at each other and grabbing the bread)

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

DISSOLVE TO: ACTIVIST’s EYE – Day

The camera zooms out from the ACTIVIST’s eye. We see the activist holding a piece of paper above his head, that says: ANIMAL RIGHTS.

Activist

(smiling)

Yeah…

End.

Tags: public service announcement, The DPB Tag

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(Mel Gibson comes out of the shadows)

Mel Gibson (speaking in a Scottish accent): ay! I’m William Wallace, or that guy from What Women Want, or that guy from The Patriot or one of my other 100s of crap movies I’ve made, but I’m paid by the government to be William Wallace for this public service announcement.

(scene switches to a can on the floor next to a recycle bin)

(Mel goes over and picks it up and throws it in the bin)

Mel Gibson: the government has decided Americans are too lazy, so they have made a new program, called Recycle Now or Die. The government used to endorse the peaceful “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” program, but….nothing was happening. With Recycle Now or Die, an elite group of strong Scottish men from the movie Braveheart will kill whoever doesn’t recycle. Let’s show what happens to this litterer:

(fades to a guy drinking a can of soda)

(the guy finishes his soda, and throws it on the ground, when there’s a recycle bin right next to him)

(a focus on the can, and it tilts up, and you see 4 people in kilts “hiding” behind a tree, crouching. One has a sword and the other 3 have spears)

(Big Willy jumps and screams)

Big Willy: CHARGEEEEE!!!

(all 4 of them get up and run towards the guy with their weapons in front of them)

Guy: oh my fucking God! The Scottish are invading!

Big Willy: You didn’t recycle, we’re going to kill you!

(all 4 jump on top of the guy and start beating his ass down)

(while they’re beating him, Mel Gibson walks in front of the scene, and the camera focuses in on his face)

Mel Gibson: Don’t let this be you. Recycle Now, or you WILL die

(end)

Tags: Mel Gibson, public service announcement, The DPB Tag

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PSA Guy: hello, I’m the Public Service Announcement Guy, and I’m here, getting payed, to tell you that you should keep your litter and trash inside trash cans. Here to tell you step by step is Gwyneth Paltrow and Smokems the Ravenous Bear

Gwyneth Paltrow: hello, I’m Gwyneth Paltrow

(the camera goes to Smokems, and he has a joint)

(somewhere off screen): OH MY GOD! HOW’D HE GET A JOIN!? RUN!!

(camera goes back to Gwyneth)

Gwyneth: and I’m here to tell you -

(Smokems flies out of nowhere, tackling Gwyneth, and ripping her to shreds)

(the camera gets knocked over)

(technical difficulties)

(end)

Tags: Gwyneth Paltrow, public service announcement, The DPB Tag

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This was done for class.

EXT. BACK YARD – DAY

Two friends on patio chairs are talking.

Soup Nazi

(lazily)

Arr! I want the rockin’ chair

Daek

Give me a rock!

Soup Nazi picks up a rock and hands it to Daek

Daek

No, you idiot! I mean a rock of coke!

Daek pulls out a violin, and Soup Nazi starts laughing hysterically

Soup Nazi

HAR HAR HAR! That’s some good Banjo playin there!

ANOTHER ANGLE where EDDY walks into frame and looks at camera

Eddy

A quiet day in the backyard, shooting and smoking anything you can find. This leads to uneducated, homeless, and broke people. (pause) Don’t…do…drugs…please…

Eddy walks off camera. Daek and Soup Nazi are laughing like pirates

FADE OUT

Tags: public service announcement, Soup Nazi, The DPB Tag

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I found this.

-

A living room with a kid sitting on the couch watching TV

Parents Enter the room Mother: “Honey, We are going to be going out now, well be at dinner and a movie”

Child: “Ok mommy I love you, bye Daddy”

Mother: “ We have our cell phones in case of an emergency”

Very interested in watching the TV – Child: “Ok mommy”

Father: “And son, don’t stay up zoning out on the TV”

Child: “OK Dad, goodbye”

Fades to black and then fades to a clock

Door opens – Mother: : “Honey we are home”

Father: “Son are you still up?”

Son is asleep on the couch with the remote in his hand, the TV is dim

Mother: “Good he is asleep”

Father, picks up the remote hits info, and it shows the name of a pornographic film. (Not the movie or any scene of it ( keeping the PG motif))

Father: “O dear honey, look at this”

Mother: “My gosh”

Father, angrily: “Wake up son, wake up now we need to talk”

Child – Waking up groggly: “Huh? What is it?”

Father: “ We need to talk about something son”

Child: “What is it?”

Father – points to TV: “What is this?”

Child: “Um uh I can explain… It is uh this uh”

Father ( interupting): “Save it son, I cant believe you left the TV while you were sleeping, don’t you care about the energy crisis we aer going through? WE have to CONSERVE!”

Child: “Ok daddy, I’ll conserve” with a sly grin

END

Tags: public service announcement

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(a guy with a big purple pirate hat walks to the middle of the screen)

Queer-ker Pirate: Hello, I’m the Queer-ker Pirate. Buy my oatmeal. Its real. Its a real meal, that is. Hahaha….

(Queer-ker Pirate walks away)

(end)

Tags: oatmeal, The DPB Tag

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(a man, Gary, is sitting cross legged in a chair)

Gary: you’re gonna love the way you look in one of my suits. Each suit is personally tailored by me or one of my thousands of other employees if you’re not making an annual income of over 3 million dollars, or offering sexual pleasure for free for me. Let’s see some of the tuxedos you can get!

(cuts to men in tuxedos walking out in a model show, with flashing lights and people taking pictures for about 2 minutes. It gets really boring because you can’t really tell any difference between the suits, then a fat man in a pink suit walks out, and everyone stops, and you can hear “whaa?” from everybody)

Fat Man in Pink Suit (in a gay voice): hey guys! The directions you gave me were wrong! I had to give a few BJs to get some information on how to get here.

(cuts to Gary in the corner of the room)

Gary: Larry! Go away! You’re ruining my commercial!

Larry: hi Gary!

(Larry waves gay-like at Gary, not listening to what he said)

Security Guard: HEY FOOL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

(Security Guard walks over to Larry and puts his hands to his hips)

Larry: don’t be so silly, I’m the star of the show!

(Larry pets the Security Guards chest, also gayly)

Security Guard: ok, that’s it! Self defense!

(Security Guard pulls out his nightstick and clocks Larry in the chin)

Larry (on the floor): ow! My chin! I use that for oral sex!

Security Guard: shut up!

(Security Guard takes out a handgun and shoots Larry full of lead)

(cuts back to Gary in the room with him sitting on a chair. He has an amazed look on his face and blinks a few times. He looks back at the camera and then smiles like nothing happened)

Gary: so remember, come on down to Gary’s Tux n’ Shit. If you’re wondering about the “shit” part, we sell lots of accessories for your tuxedo, as well as shit! If we didn’t we’d be sued for false advertising…

(Gary gets up and walks away)

(fade out)

(end)

Tags: suit, The DPB Tag, tuxedo

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Woman Announcer: Cheerleader Outlet – the world’s GREATEST Cheerleader store!

(products of all types zoom up to the screen, and a crappy “explosion” kind of drawing behind each thing. Behind the product, you can see “the store” with people “shopping”)

(for each thing that comes up, someone names it)

Cheerleader Pam: Skirts! Pom Poms! Glitter! Sweaters! T-Shirts! Glitter! Lube! Condoms! Glitter! We’ve got it ALL here!

(scene cuts to a hot cheerleader, Cheerleader Pam, walking down an aisle of t-shirts, sweaters, skirts, and sweatpants)

Cheerleader Pam: Cheerleader Outlet is THE place to get your cheerleader-needs! Forget those ridiculously expensive magazines selling USED clothes! We get our clothes directly from the factory!

(Cheerleader Pam picks up a pair of socks)

Cheerleader Pam: look at these socks! They’re striped at the top! ONLY $120 EACH sock! And its new! That’s the same price for a used sock from a magazine!

(scene cuts to Cheerleader Pam in a room with Pom Poms hanging off the ceiling from strings)

Cheerleader Pam: we have the largest amount of Pom Poms in one room in the world! We have EVERY color combination and in all sizes! We also have flags for you flaggies out there!

(Cheerleaders come out of nowhere, grabbing Pom Poms and flags and get in formation behind Cheerleader Pam. They all do their cheerleading shit for a minute and end up in a pose with all their asses pointing to the camera)

Cheerleader Pam: its extravagant!

(cuts to Cheerleader Pam walking down the accessories aisle)

Cheerleader Pam: now, we all know that the clothes and the moves only makes you two fourths of a cheerleader. If you want to be a genuine cheerleader, you need some accessories! Like:

(with each thing she says, she grabs it out of the shelves and puts it in her arms)

Cheerleader Pam: Glitter….deoderant…little handbags, lipstick, lip gloss, eye shadow, other expensive makeup in a little bag, candy necklaces, and you can’t forget the lube and condoms!

(she winks)

(scene cuts to another section of the store, where sirens and guns are on display)

Cheerleader Pam: for security, from photographers, boys that just can’t wait, or moms about to walk in on your love making, we offer security systems and other security things, such as Wanguards, and Butt-Hugger Brand Short Shorts for those nasty photographers that think they’re so smart, when we jump into the air, and our skirts fly up…pshhh…ok, come now.

(end)

Tags: cheerleader, The DPB Tag

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(sexy music is playing)

(the camera pans slowly to the left, and you see two people’s bare legs on top of each other on a couch, moving around)

Lady: oh baby, I just love it when you stick it in…

Guy: shut up bitch, I’m not paying you to talk!

(the camera zooms out, and you see the guy is actually painting someone)

(scene cuts to a kid’s face)

Kid: what the fuck?

(scene cuts to a painter-type looking guy with a goatee)

Jain Starling: hello, I’m a painter. I’m here to tell you about Whore Paint Supplies. I don’t actually endorse these products, but money can make you do anything, in this economy with rising gas, food, and prostitute prices. Here at Whore Paint Supplies you can buy many many things. Including, you guessed it, PAINT!

(cuts to Jain Starling walking down an aisle)

Jain Starling: paint is sooo good I love it, because I’m a painter! But there is a very special aisle, just for paint that you can pain WHORES with! I find it kind of arousing myself, because I love paint, and I love whores! You just put one on each other and I just get so—OH MY GOD!

(Jain Starling drops his pants and reaches down his underwear)

(technical difficulties comes on right away….for 10 minutes)

Jain Starling: ok…I’m finished…

(but then MAW (Mothers Against Whores) busts through the door of Whore Paint Supplies)

Jain Starling: sacré bloo!

Soccer Mom: DESTROY! Whores are the DEVIL! WE Don’t care about their financial state nor the fact they may be drug addicts or have another problem, and would rather kill them than help them, because our husbands are the ones bringing in the money, and all WE do is shop and bitch! LIKE NOW!

Robot Mom: shop and bitch. Shop and bitch! Oooh….I like this paint, but the price is so HIGH!

Jain Starling: FUCK! RUNNNNNN!!!

(Milllions (its seems at least) of mothers storm the building with pitchforks, stabbing every man and whore in sight)

Camera Man: oh fuck oh fuck!

(the camera man is running, so you see the screen shaking around. But then Soccer Mom takes out a shotgun and shoots. Screen goes snowy)

(technical difficulties)

(end)

Tags: paint, The DPB Tag, whore

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Hot-Aid Guy: ohhhh yeah!

(Hot-Aid Guy is a big pitcher with arms, legs, and full of yellow liquid)

(Hot-Aid Guy is skateboarding up a ramp with 3 other kids, to keep the political correctness of this commercial, its one white girl, one white boy, and an African-American boy)

(they stop skating, and stand in the middle of the ramp)

Jamal: boy, am I sweaty, yo diggity!

John: you said it, Jamal!

Kathy: what should we DO Hot-Aid Guy? I don’t want plain water, I want some powdery stuff from a package in MY water!

Hot-Aid Guy: hey, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you jump inside me??

Kathy (close up): that’s a GREAT idea!

Jamal: yeah! And to keep up with the corporate – imposed popular culture, we’ll skateboard into you! Yo diggity!

(cuts to a shot behind John doing a McFlip 540 into the Hot-Aid Guy, and then a shot of Kathy grinding on the edge of the Hot-Aid Guy, and then diving in. Then a shot of Jamal doing a handplant on the side of the ramp and then falling backwards into Hot-Aid Guy, who was right under Jamal)

(Hot-Aid Guy moves around, splashing the liquid around)

Hot-Aid Guy: how do you like my Tropical Tang piss?!

Jamal: uggh! Its so nasty! Yo diggity!

John: I’m gonna barf!

Kathy: Its more like TERRIBLE Tang to me!

Hot-Aid Guy: you’ve pissed me off, you politically correct group of kids! Now-YOU-DIE!

(Hot-Aid Guy puts a cap on top of him)

Jamal: what the FUCK! Yo DIGGITY!

Kathy: guys, I feel something sharp below our feet

Hot-Aid Guy: you’re right, I just happen to be a talking, living Blender Pitcher, made by IKEA, bless their German inventions.

John: oh shit….

(Hot-Aid Guy turns the blender on, and you can’t see the kids anymore, but you see the yellow turning into a piss red color)

Hot-Aid Guy (stopping): now let’s partyyyy!

(kids of all races jump into a pool, start dancing and skateboard, as there is a drawback shot into the air)

(end)

Tags: drink, The DPB Tag

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(an old woman is in a field of roses)

(she’s rolling around in the roses, and you can hear her getting scratched up by the thorns. She gets up and starts taking some thorns out of her body)

Old Woman: oh, hello. Welcome to my garden! You may say “wait a minute, how does she have a field of flowers in her backyard?!” Well, I’ll tell you now, that ANYONE can have a field of flowers in their backyard with…

(Old Woman flattens her palm out in front of her and a “ding” sounds as a box that has “Forever Flower” on it appears)

Old Woman: With Forever Flower, you can have a flowery backyard forever! The way you do it is, you take a handful of Forever Flower, shove it in your mouth…

(Old Woman takes a handful of pebble-stuff out of the box and tips her head back, eating it)

Old Woman: ….plant your seeds, and when you digest Forever Flower, poo it out onto your seeds and there you have it! Flowers forever!

Legal guy (talking really fast): Constipation may occur, Forever Flower makes no guarantees on the long-lastingness of your flowers or your life much longer after you eat your first boxful of Forever Flower

(Old Woman smiles, and you can see some of her teeth missing from eating Forever Flower pebbles blah page filler)

(end)

Tags: Flower, The DPB Tag

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