Odin Shops Supplies Commercial

(Karen runs around the screen with her arms in the air.  She is clearly freaking out.)

Karen: O-M-G! O-M-G! Like, what am I totally like gonna like do?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Hey Karen!  Why are you flailing your arms around like a valley girl on a power drink?

Karen: Like, oh my gawwwwww–

(Scene cuts from Karen’s face to Johnathon Huxworthy’s and back again)

Karen: awwwwwwd!  I’m an art student, right?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Um, sure?

Karen: And like I totally forget I had a project due in like 10 minutes.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Well, that’s not problem, Karen!  Odin Shpos has lots of supplies so you can practically make it all right now!  Without leaving campus!

Karen: Great!  I’m going to need 5000 staples, 100 paper clips, a bag of rubber bands, and a glue stick.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Uhhh.. what are you making?

Karen: IT’S A SECRET I CAN’T TELL YOU!  REALLY, JOHNATHON!  YOU KNOW THESE THINGS ARE CONFIDENTIAL!  LIKE MY LOVE FOR HUNKY ANNOUNCER-TYPE MEN WITH DEEP VOICES.

Johnathon Huxworthy: That’s… nice.  I’m leaving now!

(end)

 

Odin Shops Hat Commercial

(Julia is hiding under a rock)

Johnathon Huxworthy: Hey Julia, why are you hiding under that rock?

Julia: Shhh!  The sun might hear me!

Johnathon Huxworthy: Which sun?

Julia: The big bright one that shoots those rays of light at my face!  That guy is so mean!

Johnathon Huxworthy: You know, Julia, if you wore a hat from Odin Shops you wouldn’t have to be afraid of the sun and get out from under that rock.

Julia: Wow… I never thought of that.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Obviously…

Julia: You know what else is kinda hot?

Johnathon Huxworthy: I haven’t the slightest —

Julia: You.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Oh… Kay…

Julia: I think there’s space underneath this rock for both of us.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Yeah, you see, I’m not into girls who hide under rocks.  See ya.

Julia: I feel so alone.

Sun: Hey Julia, I can keep you company.

(end)

 

 

Odin Shops Web Site Commercial

(Don is on a computer)

Johnathon Huxworthy:  Hey don, whatcha doin on that there computer?

Don: Playing minesweeper.

Johnathon Huxworthy: You know what you could be doing?

Don: No, what?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Going to Odinshops.com and buying lots of CSU Asgard gear!

Don: Why would I want to do that?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Because its easy and convenient and it has a great selection!

Don: Do you get paid for this?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Not yet.

(Johnathon Huxworthy looks at camera)

Johnathon Huxworthy: Pay me!!!!

 

International Magicians Society – Commercial

SHANE DURTON
Hello magic fans.  I’m here with Jig Reed and Croy Thompson, and their white tigers…

(Jig Reed and Croy Thompson are having sex with their tigers and smoking cocaine with them.)

SHANE DURTON
…to tell you about the International Magicians society.
Yes, it is actually a real organization in which all magicians must
become a part of once they graduate from Magic School.

(Jig and Croy are licking their tiger’s balls)

SHANE DURTON
Yes, you get many benefits, like Free Jungle Sex w/White Tigers.
If you are a magician and you’re not in the International Magician Society,
we will send you death threats until you do!

(Jig is face down on the floor, and a tiger is sitting on top of him)

SHANE DURTON
As a part of the IMS, you must take the vow of never revealing the secrets
behind magic tricks.  If you do, we’ll kill you by submerging you in a tank full of water,
handcuff you, and lock the tank.  And you won’t be able to get out the way you usually can that I’m  not gonna say!
Now, its time for me to get some tiger lovin’, so if you’ll excuse me…

(Shane Durton is pounced by a tiger, and they start licking each other)

SHANE DURTON
Oh God, YES!

(End)

 

Formal Pirate Clothing – Commercial

Cast:

Bob American is the Captain (aka manager).
Joey McCurken is the First Mate (aka assistant manager).
Brandon Spaz is a pirate that shops at Formal Pirate Clothing.

BOB AMERICAN
Hello, how are you today, Mr. Pirate?  Welcome to the Formal Pirate Clothing store!

CUSTOMER
Jusssst great!  Arr!!

BOB AMERICAN
Can I help you find something?

CUSTOMER
I’d like to buy some clothes, but I just don’t know what wear, arr!!

BOB AMERICAN
What kind of look are you looking for?

CUSTOMER
I’m looking for a formal-looking suit, for work.

 BOB AMERICAN
You’re in luck, we have a special on suits today.
We have many combinations that will suit what you need.

CUSTOMER
Hey, that’s great, arr!

BOB AMERICAN
We have a black suit, that is a black jacket, black pants,
and a blue shirt with a blue tie.

CUSTOMER
Hmm.. that’s not really what I’m looking for… arr!

BOB AMERICAN
We have some black shoes that would look great with the suit you “arrrr!” buying.

CUSTOMER
Good, I’ll take those, too.  How about a pirate hat to go with it, arr?

BOB AMERICAN
Well, the only one that would go with your suit is this woman’s gardening hat…75% off!

CUSTOMER
That’s perfect, arr!

BOB AMERICAN
Come up to the counter, and I’ll have my assistant manager process the sale for you.

In the back, the security cameras just show Bob American talking to air.  The Customer is a ghost!!!

CUSTOMER
Do you take Pirate Express?  Arr!

BOB AMERICAN
Didn’t they go out of business 100 years ago?

CUSTOMER
Nonsense!  I just got it in the mail yesterday!

BOB AMERICAN
What is this mail you speak of?  Pirates do not have addresses.

JOEY MCCURKEN
Yarr!  It be a ghost, Cap’n!!  He has a damned locket around his neck!

CUSTOMER
Oh, this?  I got it from my dear departed aunt—

Just then, Bob American runs the Customer through with a saber.  Customer keels over with the sword sticking out of his chest as he bleeds across the counter and onto the register.

BOB AMERICAN
Oh.  He wasn’t a ghost, after all.

JOEY MCCURKEN
Oh.  I keep forgetting that the security system still shoots in interlace,
but ever since we got that new progressive flat screen, everyone looks like a ghost on it!

BOB AMERICAN
Joey, you just lost us a sale.  And I may very well go away for a long time when
the mall property manager gets a load of the water damage to the floor.

JOE MCCURKEN
The planet Earth moves through curved space.

BOB AMERICAN
Ah, yes, how can I forget.

End.

 

I Don’t Want It PSA

EXT. LIBRARY BRIDGE-DAY

 

KID# 1

 

Walking over bridge carrying an empty bottle. Throws bottle over shoulder. DIFFERENT ANGLE. Falls down and hits KID # 2, who is walking under the bridge, on the head. He picks up the bottle. Looks at it.

 

KID # 2

Ow!

 

KID # 2 picks up bottle. Looks at it and throws bottle at trash can and misses. Bottle rolls along floor. DIFFERENT ANGLE. KID # 3 kicks bottle hard towards kids eating lunch and bottle lands in lap of KID # 4.

 

KID # 4

(disgusted)

Eww… I don’t want this.

 

Throws bottle over head into a bush. Close up shot of bottle. Camera zooms out and there are other pieces of trash all over the BUSH.

 

TEXT

 

Black background and white writing.

 

Neither do we.

 

Don’t Run With Scissors PSA

EXT: Park.

 

DIRK, a young man is sitting on a children’s merry-go-round. He’s holding a pair of cutting scissors. GREG, a large bunny, runs up and pushes the merry-go-round very fast. Dirk screams, and runs dizzily off up a hill. Greg laughs menacingly, kicks FRODO off the slide, jumps on the back of a truck, hits the driver with nunchucks and they peel out.

 

CUT TO:

 

MOVING

 

Camera circles around Dirk as he runs.

He falls off camera. SCREAMING. Blood squirts up.

 

INT: Doctor’s office

 

CEDRICK, a middle aged doctor stares into space, misty eyed. PHIL, the tough as nails physical trainer sits in the corner, hands on his knees.

 

CEDRICK

(sobbing)

I don’t think I can save him

 

PHIL

Doc, ya got to! Karate championship’s in two hours!

 

Cedrick puts a bandaid over the wound. The scissors are still protruding. Phil leans towards Dirk.

 

PHIL

(whispering; teary eyed)

You’re the best!

 

Music starts: “YOU’RE THE BEST”

 

 

CUT TO:

 

INT: Green room.

 

Dirk is working out. First he does sit-ups, then punches the air, jump ropes, then tries to do the splits. CRUNCHING.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT: Mountaintop

 

Dirk is posing in karate stances in front of a sunset

 

CUT TO:

 

INT: Gym

 

Music stops. Dirk is facing off against Greg. A close shot of Dirk’s face reveals beads of sweat. Phil is in the corner, cheering him on. Cedrick is next to him, worried.

 

PHIL

Remember, kid! You’re the best!

(music resumes)

 

Dirk and Greg dance around striking karate poses and jabbing at each other.

 

SLOW

 

Greg yanks out Dirk’s scissors. Music fades out. Blood squirts from off camera. Close up of Dirk’s face in agony.

 

Phil yelling but is muted. While the commotion continues in the background, Frodo walks in front of the camera.

 

FRODO

(serious tone)

Remember, running with scissors doesn’t only affect you.

 

CUT TO:

 

Cedrick in the corner, crying blood and eating a bag of bugs.

 

CEDRICK

(whimpering)

I couldn’t save him.

 

CUT TO:

 

Middle of gym. Greg is jumping up and down with a large trophy above his head.

 

Picture of Dirk’s face. Underneath is written “Dirk” “Daniel son” Miagi, July 7, 1985 – October 12, 2002

 

END

 

What Goes Around Comes Around PSA

I found this.

EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY

 

STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.

 

STUDENT #1

 

A tall, Asian male wearing gang-related clothing. He is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT – OUTSIDE JEWELRY SHOP – DAY

 

STUDENT #1 IS SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW OUTSIDE, (POV). He examines a bracelet and being satisfied, buys the bracelet.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT – STUDENT #1’S HOUSE – NIGHT

 

STUDENT #1 hands the bracelet that he bought earlier to his BROTHER. BROTHER puts on the bracelet and then after, shows STUDENT #1 some brotherly affection.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT- HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY

 

STUDENT #1 is seen outside in the hallway alone. After a moment, ANOTHER STUDENT approaches him.

 

STUDENT #1

 

STUDENT #1 is approached by ANOTHER STUDENT, (N.D.) STUDENT #1 is seen handing the other student a small plastic bag containing what seems to be marijuana.

 

ANOTHER STUDENT

 

ANOTHER STUDENT takes the marijuana he bought from STUDENT #1 and walks off.

 

HAND DECORATED WITH A BRACELET

 

The hand with a bracelet is seen giving a twenty-dollar bill to ANOTHER STUDENT’s hand and in return receives a plastic bag of marijuana.

 

End.

 

Animal Rights PSA

This was a group effort by davepoobond, elmoisfurry, Nose, and stimpyismyname.

INT. HOUSE – DAY

 

 

A cockatiel is on a recliner. People are bowing down to it. Another person brings a piece of bread and puts it in front of the bird. The bird eats a little of the bread, and the last person that came in, starts bowing down as well, with the other.

 

CUT TO: EXT. GRASSY FIELD – DAY

 

 

A BUTTERBEE is pollinating the flowers

 

Butterbee

 

I’m pollinating the flowers!

 

2 PEOPLE come over.

 

Person 1

 

Oh, what a pretty butterfly!

 

The Butterbee goes crazy and beats them up. Afterwards, he goes back to pollinating.

 

CUT TO: INT. HOUSE – DAY

 

 

ACTIVIST is in a cage. A DOG is outside the cage. The dog looks into the cage, “smiling” and the ACTIVIST is pawing at the cage happily.

 

CUT TO: SWIMMING POOL – DAY

 

 

3 people jump out of a pool and they swim around like otters. The camera tilts to a DUCK’s wing that has pieces of bread on it.

 

Duck

 

Quack quack!

 

The 3 people start looking at the camera, and act up.

 

3 people

 

(at same time)

 

Bread! Bread! Bread! Bread!

 

The DUCK throws in the bread.

 

3 people

 

(at same time, while punching at each other and grabbing the bread)

 

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

 

DISSOLVE TO: ACTIVIST’s EYE – Day

 

 

The camera zooms out from the ACTIVIST’s eye. We see the activist holding a piece of paper above his head, that says: ANIMAL RIGHTS.

 

Activist

(smiling)

Yeah…

 

 

End.

 

Recycle Now or Die PSA

(Mel Gibson comes out of the shadows)

 

Mel Gibson (speaking in a Scottish accent): ay! I’m William Wallace, or that guy from What Women Want, or that guy from The Patriot or one of my other 100s of crap movies I’ve made, but I’m paid by the government to be William Wallace for this public service announcement.

 

(scene switches to a can on the floor next to a recycle bin)

(Mel goes over and picks it up and throws it in the bin)

 

Mel Gibson: the government has decided Americans are too lazy, so they have made a new program, called Recycle Now or Die. The government used to endorse the peaceful “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” program, but….nothing was happening. With Recycle Now or Die, an elite group of strong Scottish men from the movie Braveheart will kill whoever doesn’t recycle. Let’s show what happens to this litterer:

 

(fades to a guy drinking a can of soda)

(the guy finishes his soda, and throws it on the ground, when there’s a recycle bin right next to him)

(a focus on the can, and it tilts up, and you see 4 people in kilts “hiding” behind a tree, crouching. One has a sword and the other 3 have spears)

(Big Willy jumps and screams)

 

Big Willy: CHARGEEEEE!!!

 

(all 4 of them get up and run towards the guy with their weapons in front of them)

 

Guy: oh my fucking God! The Scottish are invading!

 

Big Willy: You didn’t recycle, we’re going to kill you!

 

(all 4 jump on top of the guy and start beating his ass down)

(while they’re beating him, Mel Gibson walks in front of the scene, and the camera focuses in on his face)

 

Mel Gibson: Don’t let this be you. Recycle Now, or you WILL die

 

(end)

 

Keep Your City Clean PSA

PSA Guy: hello, I’m the Public Service Announcement Guy, and I’m here, getting payed, to tell you that you should keep your litter and trash inside trash cans. Here to tell you step by step is Gwyneth Paltrow and Smokems the Ravenous Bear

Gwyneth Paltrow: hello, I’m Gwyneth Paltrow

(the camera goes to Smokems, and he has a joint)

(somewhere off screen): OH MY GOD! HOW’D HE GET A JOIN!? RUN!!

(camera goes back to Gwyneth)

Gwyneth: and I’m here to tell you –

(Smokems flies out of nowhere, tackling Gwyneth, and ripping her to shreds)

(the camera gets knocked over)

(technical difficulties)

(end)

 

Don’t Do Drugs (Please)

This was done for class.

 

 

 

EXT. BACK YARD – DAY

 

Two friends on patio chairs are talking.

 

Soup Nazi

(lazily)

Arr! I want the rockin’ chair

 

Daek

Give me a rock!

 

Soup Nazi picks up a rock and hands it to Daek

 

Daek

No, you idiot! I mean a rock of coke!

 

Daek pulls out a violin, and Soup Nazi starts laughing hysterically

 

Soup Nazi

HAR HAR HAR! That’s some good Banjo playin there!

 

ANOTHER ANGLE where EDDY walks into frame and looks at camera

 

Eddy

A quiet day in the backyard, shooting and smoking anything you can find. This leads to uneducated, homeless, and broke people. (pause) Don’t…do…drugs…please…

 

Eddy walks off camera. Daek and Soup Nazi are laughing like pirates

 

FADE OUT

 

Pornography PSA

I found this.

A living room with a kid sitting on the couch watching TV

 

Parents Enter the room Mother: “Honey, We are going to be going out now, well be at dinner and a movie”

 

Child: “Ok mommy I love you, bye Daddy”

 

Mother: “ We have our cell phones in case of an emergency”

 

Very interested in watching the TV – Child: “Ok mommy”

 

Father: “And son, don’t stay up zoning out on the TV”

 

Child: “OK Dad, goodbye”

 

Fades to black and then fades to a clock

 

Door opens – Mother: : “Honey we are home”

 

Father: “Son are you still up?”

 

Son is asleep on the couch with the remote in his hand, the TV is dim

 

Mother: “Good he is asleep”

 

Father, picks up the remote hits info, and it shows the name of a pornographic film. (Not the movie or any scene of it ( keeping the PG motif))

 

Father: “O dear honey, look at this”

 

Mother: “My gosh”

 

Father, angrily: “Wake up son, wake up now we need to talk”

 

Child – Waking up groggly: “Huh? What is it?”

 

Father: “ We need to talk about something son”

 

Child: “What is it?”

 

Father – points to TV: “What is this?”

 

Child: “Um uh I can explain… It is uh this uh”

 

Father ( interupting): “Save it son, I cant believe you left the TV while you were sleeping, don’t you care about the energy crisis we aer going through? WE have to CONSERVE!”

 

Child: “Ok daddy, I’ll conserve” with a sly grin

 

END