Yay! Fifi is finally out of high school…whoopee…time to go to that college, Fifi. You wanted to go so badly. What was it again? Oh yeah, SUK. Squackle University for Kids. And the bad thing about it is, the college starts tomorrow. No summer vacation. Yay. Time to hop on that train and go down to New Mexico. Fifi hasn’t even seen the university yet. All of Fifi’s friends said she shouldn’t go to SUK. They said that there was a lot of weird stuff going on near that university that it would be hazardous for you health. “We’ll just see,” said Fifi as she got onto the train in her tutu and two suitcases…
* * *
Just as Fifi stepped off the train, a bunch of clowns came by and picked her up, leaving her suitcases for the myriad squirrels trailing behind them to pick them up. The clowns ran for about fifteen miles before they stopped at an old secluded warehouse.
“Hey! Is this SUK?” Fifi exclaimed. At this comment the six clowns got into a huddle and started talking.
“SUK? What is that?”
“It’s a university not far from here”
“Why is our smuggler trying to get to SUK?”
“Yeah the smuggler that was smuggling in some beans. He said he would be wearing a tutu and would have two suitcases that said, “I am going to SUK, I am going to SUK!”
“Hmm…i have a feeling this isnt the right person. Let’s just wait for the squirrels to come with the suitcases, then we’ll see.”
One clown called Big Nose went up to Fifi and said, “Why, hello there little girl…there is a thingy that every freshmen at our fine university has to do before…we allow them to use our facilities freely…” Big Nose turned around and winked at the other 5 clowns. The other five clowns winked back and gave a thumbs up sign.
A clown named Red Nose gave Big Nose a rope and Big Nose tied up Fifi, very tightly with it. Fifi then shouted, “HEY! What’s this got to do with learning? Is this rope tying class?”
At this comment, Big Nose was stunned, so he replied with, “Uh…you want to…learn?”
Fifi said, “Yeah…that’s what a university is all about.”
“Riiiigghhtt…” said Big Nose. The squirrels came inside the warehouse chittering and chattering, and when the Master Squirrel talked with his little squirrely voice, he said, “Why do you guys have to have a warehouse all the way out here?”
Fifi finally realized that this was a warehouse, and not the University she had wanted to go to. Fifi screamed. She screamed so loud that the nose on Red Nose came off and bounced across the room. “This isn’t SUK!!!!” Fifi screeched.
“No, it isn’t, whiny little girly tutu face person.” Shiny Nose said.
What will Fifi do? Will Fifi find a way to break out of the warehouse and go to SUK? Well…to make a long story short, she did.
In a pile, the six clowns were in a pile and the squirrels were hanging off the walls and ceilings of the warehouse, taped onto them. “Now, its time to go to SUK!” Fifi said proudly.
When Fifi got to the University she saw a bunch of ducks quacking and waddling around a big campus to the ducks, but not at all big for Fifi.
Fifi then said, “Hey! This isn’t a university!”
Just then, a duck wearing glasses and a book in its wing, he said, “Oh, of course not little tutu brain. This is a university for ducks only, not for humans. You better go back home before some clowns and squirrels kidnap you and tie you in ropes and do nothing afterward. A lot of stuff happens around here.”
“What else happens around here, Mr. Quack?” Fifi replied.
“Oh, you know, the usual thing. Moose overcharging you for their taxi service, mice crawling over your house and leaving their footprints on it, crows using anything and everything for target practice, which is very lethal for some species. Anyway, you should go…so GO!”
Mr. Quack took out something that looked like a remote control and zapped Fifi with it. After about 10 minutes of being shocked by 600 killowatts of electricity by the remote control, she disappeared and was back at home on her bed with her suitcases on her legs. In the next room, she heard her parents barking.
Fifi didn’t pay attention to it, and just went to sleep.
The moral of the story is to visit the college you are going to before you actually go to it for reals, not for fakes, dress appropriately, stay away from clowns being trailed by lots of squirrels, stay away from warehouses in the middle of nowhere, don’t go to universities with a duck named Mr. Quack that has glasses on.
You also know what your parents do when you are gone to college…