National Celebrate-Your-Teachers’-Birthdays Day – n. a holiday that occurs on November 2nd
Tag Archives: teacher
Joke #18744
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?'”
Joke #18607
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
“All right children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!”
Joke #18551
During a test I was administering, I noticed that one of my married students, who was quite pregnant, kept rubbing her side. After class, before she left, I asked her, “Are you okay? I noticed you were holding onto your side.”
“Oh, I’m fine,” she answered. “It’s just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little.”
“Well, that’s good,” I said, feeling relieved.
“Yeah,” she continued. “It’s strange. He normally sleeps during your class.”
Joke #18542
One day a child at my four-year-old’s preschool class told her classmates that she needed a ‘damp towel.’
Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.
The teacher stepped in to explain, “If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?”
A little girl blurted out, “She means she wants that towel right now!”
Joke #18528
When I was a kid, my dad and I had a running joke. If anyone asked what he did for a living, I always said, “He’s a sports mechanic. He fixes boxing matches and horse races.”
Once I answered a teacher this way. She flipped out and summoned my parents. Dad calmed her down by explaining it was a joke.
“So what do you do?” she asked.
Dad, a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company said, “I sell drugs.”
Joke #18431
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass.
Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: “What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?”
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, “As far as I know, they’re just friends, but there could be something else going on there.”
Joke #18333
Q: What do English teachers and judges have in common?
A: They both like long sentences.
Joke #18277
CANNIBAL TEACHER: “Why should hands be washed before eating?”
CANNIBAL STUDENT: “Who wants to eat dirty hands?”
Joke #18170
Q: Why did the teacher send the chicken to the principal’s office?
A: Because it kept pecking on the other kids.
Joke #18166
Upon returning from a field trip to the zoo, the principal asked Miss Dickinson how she enjoyed the outing.
“Oh, it was horrible,” said Miss Dickinson. “The snakes stuck their tongues out and the monkeys kept making faces.”
“Well, you know what they say,” replied the principal. “Boas will be boas, and gorillas will be gorillas.”
Joke #18164
No matter what happened in the classroom, Mrs. McGilicuddy was the kind of teacher who never got upset.
One day a 747 crash-landed in the classroom and she said, “Who threw that?”
Joke #18163
TEACHER: “How can you do so many stupid things in one day?”
ANDREW: “I get up early.”
Joke #18158
TEACHER: “Why did you copy Larry’s test?”
SEYMOUR: “What gave me away?”
TEACHER: “His name on your paper.”
Joke #18146
TEACHER: “Who started this fight?”
BILLY: “Donald threw a rock at me, so I threw one back.”
TEACHER: “Why didn’t you come to me?”
BILLY: “Because your aim isn’t as good as mine.”