I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.

Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, “Can I bring you some club soda?”

“Young lady,” she barked, “I’ll be the judge of when I’ve had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!”