Joke #5217: In-Flight Chat

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.”

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

 

Joke #5210: Holy Collections

A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections.

 

Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to the Lord.

 

The priest explains, “I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God.”

 

The minister says, “Yes, I use a similar method, except that whatever lands inside the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs.”

 

The rabbi then proclaims, “Brothers we are in agreement! I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure that whatever God wants He can keep…”

 

Cheap Halloween Costumes

Fairly Cheap Costumes:

Tom Cruise – sunglasses, socks (no shoes), no pants or shorts, a dress shirt, and underwear

Chuck Norris – wear only pants, no socks or shoes, a bandana, and die your facial, chest, and back hair red

Ghandi – shave your head and wear a loin cloth toga

Tarzan – only wear loin cloth underwear or any underwear

 


Things you can say you are if someone asks and you aren’t dressed up:

“Myself”

“an Insomniac”

“a Necrophiliac”

“a trick or treater”

“a retired wrestler”

“a person with a bus pass”

“I wear shorts”

“I have candy”

“I’m a scary monster”

“I forgot my costume on my way to your house”

Or just run away before they can ask.