so i was walking down the… street… and…. uhh …wha? huh? oh, ok. yeah. and you know, circus monkeys make a lot of money… and…. uh- wha? huh? weasels aren’t very trustworthy, hence the stereotype… and… yeah. so i was walking… um… huh? wha- oh, already did that. if i was a baboon, i’d make pancakes… yes. when you put yoour right middle finger on your right index finger while doing the “whatever w” you can say “whatever peanut”. that’s just something you might want to try sometime… okay. lolipops remind me of puking, i don’t know why. i hate the feeling of puking. it’s all hot and big… it’s like pooping hot crap out of your mouth with a headache. blegh! i know some ways to say puke: upchuck, throw up, puke, lose your lunch, dinner, ect., barf, blow chunks, hurl, hwarf, spew, jetteson, deport, expatriate, repatriate, resettle, exile, banish, transport, seclude, extrude, throw up, cast up, wash up, wash ashore, spit out, cough up, spew out, put out, push out, throw out, chuck out, fling out, bounce, propel kick out, boot out, give the bum’s rush, throw out on one’s ear, give the heave-ho, hustle out, drum out, eruption, eruptiveness, outbreak, egestion, regurgitation, disgorgement, vomiting, throwing up, nausea, vomit, barf, upchuck, eructation. so, that’s all i have to say. yes.
Tag Archives: peanut
Actual (Stupid) Label Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
– On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping”. [Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair]
– On a bag of Fritos: “You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside”. [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
– On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” [And that would be how…?]
– On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestions: Defrost.” [But it’s *just* a suggestion]
– On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): “Do not turn upside down”. [Oops, too late!]
– On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating”. [As sure as night follows the day…]
– On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body”. [But wouldn’t this save even more time?]
– On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication”. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
– On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness” [One would hope]
– On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only”. [As opposed to what?]
– On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use”. [I gotta admit, I’m curious].
– On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts”. [NEWS FLASH]
– On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.” [Step 3: Fly Delta]
– On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”. [I don’t blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]
yetidaco
yetidaco – n. a junky gas station where all they serve is peanuts.
thlee
thlee – n. peanuts, almonds, and other nuts in a cottage cheese container
syndue
syndue – n. a bag full of peanuts and raisins
purdue
purdue – n. a person in a white dress eating peanuts while saluting
Metaplio
Metaplio – n. a rare disease when your body turns into a peanut
apoo
apoo (ah-poo) – n. very weird crap, usually with peanuts.
Ex. Look at all that apoo!