A long long time ago, an example was made. That example was 1942, and it came with the Game Maker package. Change the sprites and you get this game.
Graphics:
They’re not horrible, but they’re not original. Look at the piece of crap fish.
Sound:
The blowing up sound is annoying, and the song is from the example game, which is also annoying.
Gameplay:
You press the space bar and the arrow keys to shoot rocks. What more would you want in a crappy game?
Crappiest Part:
The part of the game where its 1942…oh wait, that’s the whole game! So the whole thing is crap!
Overall Score:
This game was ripped off another one. WoW you know how to change sprites! You shoulda made it Save The Penis instead and have the bug a penis instead and have it shooting out the orange shit. Now THAT would be funny, and be worth a 2.
Sauen’s Christmas Game is a shitty compilation of 7 games. These games are so shitty, that you’ll have more fun taking a shit than playing any of the 7 wonderful (and I use that sarcastically) games. These games cannot compare to shit. Shit smells better, looks better, and sounds better.
Graphics:
Well, remember what I said about shit looking better? Well, it does. The graphics suck ass, and the people are so small in the games you can barely make out any detail. I don’t know if its a guy’s penis or his arm. The only mini-game that is not included in this realm of shittiness is Snowball Challenge, where the graphics are actually decent, and if you play it first, gives a false impression to the quality of the rest of the mingames.
Sound:
There’s a couple of songs you can choose from on the main screen. There’s no song that starts out though, and you’re presented with 3 options. Music 1, No Music, and Music 2. They’re both Christmas songs.
Gameplay:
The gameplay in this game varies from game to game. Here’s a rundown of all the different games.
Snowball Challenge – This game is stupid. All you do is click, and hope the snowballs will hit the furry little purple guys that are trying to rape your elven army.
Ufo! – You’re a rocket. And you’re trying to dodge the mean ol’ rain clouds. No problem, you can just blast them away with your 3-way machine gun! HOORAY! You also get 5 rockets that don’t do anything better than the machine guns.
Sliding Challenge – What do you get when you cross Ski-Free and a not very creative programmer? A CONTEST OF BRUTE STRENGTH WHILE SLIDING ON SLEDS, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! You race the computer down a hill with trees and rocks and the computer always wins.
Protect the Iglos – Yes, I know it says “Iglo.” That’s how its spelled in the game. Obviously an iglo is different from an “igloo” in that it has a chimney (in case you ever wanted to start a fire inside the iglo) and an ice door on it. This is basically a stupidly shitty version of Cliff Gunner. Like we need to have a Christmas version of it around.
Ice Fishing – Ever wanted to play ice fishing? Well, your dream has come true! Except there really isn’t any ice that you drill through…and there’s fish that are about 50 feet long…and its pretty god damned shitty….did I mention that? I think I said shitty around 15 times by now.
Ice World – Oooh. Tantalizing name isn’t it? Well, its, yet again, another shitty game. You’d think this was a mad dash across the screen to get to the other side of the “world,” but you actually have to collect as many of the shit coins as you possibly can, without running into any ice fragments. Welcome to Ice World, the shittiest planet in the universe.
Biathlon – Say it ain’t so! A SKIING game that makes you go around a track? Yes it is. And the funny thing is, you can’t make a complete lap around this circuit.
Crappiest Part:
The crappiest part of the game is how you will get a heart attack from playing all these games in succession. Well, I didn’t. I just had to take a crap after all of them. So I’m going to do that now.
Overall Score:
This pack of mini-games is so god damn stupid, I can only be thankful it was all put into the same game, and not made into 7 different ones. That would’ve blew hard. For this reason alone, and the 5 minutes of enjoyment I actually did get out of playing “Ufo!,” it gets a
Ok….i’m not sure what you’re supposed to do, but you’re in a space ship, going around the solar system…and you have weapons that don’t destroy anything
Graphics:
The graphics are ok. you can tell the planets are the actual things…
Sound:
The spaceship…sounds like what spaceship would probably sound like, but that’s why its probably better to play this game with the speakers off…
Gameplay:
uhhhhhh i dont like it too much. sometimes i’m not sure if i’m going toward the planet or away from it.
Crappiest part:
How it takes so long to get to a planet, and once you do get there, you dont know what to do.
Overall Score:
i gave it a 7/10, because the stats kept me interested for 10 seconds.
Alright, I was expecting a lot out of this, since the first one was so creative and unique in many ways. I gave it too many chances, I should’ve known it was going to be godawful as soon as the game started and it took me twenty minutes to figure out that you’re supposed to blow up a staircase or something (the wall is invincible). The back of the Red Faction II case boasts that it has the Geo-Mod technology that RF1 had so I was pretty pumped up. I was very dissapointed. It’s more of a team game, except the thing is your teammates can’t die. You can simply stand back and let them do all the work for you. The back of the case also brags about the ability to control vehicles, I saw at least 30 vehicles that are completely unable to be interacted with. The enemies have clever scripted lines everytime you do a specific task such as “GRENADE!” and “I have a few bullets saved for you!” Please take note that they say these things even when there’s no possible way they can see you or what you’re doing. The weapons are plentiful at the least: you start out with grenades and some kind of assault rifle, next thing you know you’re packed with about half a trillion rockets and a launcher. Why anyone would ever EVER want to switch from the rocket launcher to some other weapon is beyond me. It’s one of those situations where you wonder “Should I shoot them with a rifle for three hours or just shoot a shitload of rockets and blow them all to hell in a max time of six seconds?” Unlike RF1, it involves absolutely NO strategic effort whatsoever, you just run around shooting people with a rocket launcher. That is until you get to the helicopter part, this stage is quite different. You are now shooting people with rockets IN A HELICOPTER!! The designers of this masterpiece have really stretched their imagination limits on this one. So after you kill 3/4 of the city’s population, the helicopter gets shot down (despite the fact that I had well over 50% “heli-health” at the time that it happened) And thus comes the exciting sewer adventure. After you wonder around for countless hours looking for pipes to swim in you end up in a subway station. Dodging the train was bad enough, but they had to invent an enemy that challenges even the Cliff Racer from Morrowind in pure annoyance. A small bug robot thing which I like to call “fucking bastard” comes up to you and simply explodes on you for no reason. Sure that isn’t that bad, but they had to put about 400 of them in every three feet of the station. I’d like to take a small time out to add the fact that in no parts of these stages are any walls able to be blown up, some floors can be holed, but is there any hidden wall items? Of course not, because there’s no such thing as “paths that can be used as a shortcut instead of wondering around a scripted path like an idiot.” This really makes me sick, and they shouldn’t have even named it Red Faction II if it had nothing to do with the system used in RF1. But let’s slow down here for a second…what DOES it have to do with RF1? Well your team is called the Red Faction, that is it. They are not dressed or organized like the Red Faction at all. Now if you haven’t already noticed, this game is completely pointless and is just like every other ordinary FPS out there (including ones made years ago). Well anyway, a few years later you get to take control of a giant suit of armor and…you’ll never believe this…shoot rockets at people. I was shooting things hoping for a path to open up for thirty straight minutes. I kept shooting rockets at some kind of stumps sticking out of the ground, then I figured out that you have to shoot right in the middle of them. Gone are the days of shooting near it and watching part of it blow away, or just simply walking over them. Also, the whole time this is happening some army cliche kept shouting “GOOD SHOT!” This game sucks. You end up having to protect some guys on the street and jumping across buildings, some guys were shooting at me from below so I jumped down adn immediately died in the undodgable fire wall circling the building. I really didn’t give a shit and I quickly turned the game off. It was by far the best part of the entire game. In conclusion, this is NOT an RF game, it’s more like a Doom meets Unreal Tournament kind of shindig. I’m just glad I only rented it and didn’t go out and buy it first thing like some suckers. I got way more pleasure off playing Terminator 2: Judgement Day for the SNES, pretty bad huh? Stay away from RF2 unless you like blowing your money on pointless piles of crap. Graphics: 9 Sound: 7 Replayabilty: 0 Fun Factor: -5 Controls: 7 Overall: 18 out of 50 stars (basically a 4/10)
MULTIPLAYER:
This one’s going to be short due to there’s absolutely nothing new in Multiplayer. There’s a few maps and you choose bots to play against, nothing special. What IS special however is the gameplay when you fire up a map. I’ve never seen a better deathmatch on any FPS game than RF1, all the walls that are able to be blown up, the awesome flamethrowers that you can throw the gas canister from, and Geo-Mod secrets. Well they’ve somehow screwed up that up in RF2, they include a few weapons and enable 2 whole walls in all maps combined to be blown up. I even saw that there’s a map from RF1 available, “There’s no possible way they can screw THIS up!” I shouted to myself for no apparent reason…..I was wrong. Imagine this, you’re transported to the good ol’ two-base map of RF1, but you noticed something’s changed…The weapons on the ground no longer look at all like weapons, they’re now cardboard cut-outs colored blue and red. But they act as if they were real weapons if you walk over them. I can see how some would like this but I find it just annoying that the whole map is covered in large blue and red icons, I guess it’s because I’m “sane.” Anyway, I immediately ran up the top of my base and got the huge rocket launcher (which now isn’t near as big) and shot it…I almost puked. 1. The rocket hit the wall, blowing up about 1/8 as big as the rocket from RF1, I mean that rocket was fucking huge and hurt you from miles away. Now that was firepower. 2. The only thing it did to the wall was make a big black spot. Seeing as RF1 was able to make every square inch of wall blastable, why the hell can’t RF2?? This made my stomach cringe in pain. The most memorable moment I’d say was when I was in a deathmatch with two people with idiotic names and I tried to shoot the bridge out from under them. It made a big black mark, then about three seconds the mark dissapeared. Thank you THQ! There’s other multiplayer modes but I was too sick to try them out. Bagman: You grab a bag and try to hold it for the longest time without getting killed. O_o Capture the Flag: Get the other team’s flag and bring it to your base. o_O Arena: Like deathmatch except everyone has the same weapon. o_o Team Arena: Same as above, with teams. This game sucks, there’s no way around it. Whoever finds this game even remotely fun should be injected with the same shit the designing team of RF2 was, only eight hundred times more. (I’m looking at you Mark) Go get Bloodrayne instead.
Imagine pong…but instead of going just up and down, you can move around in a circle and go into the center of the circle too. That is this game, Radial Pong.
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t special, but what more could you really want from a pong game? The cloud background beats the hell out of the original pong game in graphics (or should i say CRAPhics hyuck)
Sound:
The music is good. The main menu song is kind of stupid, cause there’s supposed to be like DJ scratching sounds or something, but its in MIDI, so it sounds like crap.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is a bit hard to get used to, but its pretty good, for what you do in this game.
Crappiest Part:
How you can’t get a screenshot of you losing or winning. I woulda put one here either way, but I couldn’t seem to get it for some reason.
Overall Score:
There’s nothing really bad about this game, but there isn’t that much that is good either. Its a good game though, for a Game Maker game. 7/10.
This is a basic Pac-Man game, with better graphics than the original. It actually gets kinda hard later on in the game.
Graphics:
The graphics are alright. There’s nothing bad about them.
Sound:
I think there’s only one song, and its the original Pac-Man song, but its like remade to sound a lot better, and there’s drums and junk…but its still a MIDI…and it is annoying to a degree.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is smooth, and its not overly hard because the enemies move about the same speed as you.
Crappiest Part:
I had to pause for a while and think about this…ok i thought of something. There’s nothing to build on top of the original Pac-Man game.
Overall Score:
This game is a basic Pac-Man game, but it didn’t build anything on top of Pac-Man to make it go somewhere. But its a very nice Pac-Man game if you like to play Pac-Man.
You’re a samurai trying not to get killed. You have a million and 2 lives and a sword.
Graphics:
The graphics are really good, but lack detail. I’m pretty sure the sprites are original, since he uses different sprites of the same style in most of his games. There’s also a beginning movie thing that is pretty cool too, but it doesnt have anything but one of the samurai guys doing…something..
Sound:
There’s no music, just samurai guy sounds going “WHAAAAA” and “YOOOOOAAAHHH” and “EEEEEYYYAAAHHHH.” It gets annoying as fuck, even though its funny in the beginning.
Gameplay:
Its ok, i don’t like the moving system that much. You move with the mouse, but by clicking.
Crappiest part:
Its almost impossible to have a positive score for too long, since each guy you kill is 1 point and everytime you die (which is a lot of times) is -5 points.
Overall Score:
This is a fun game, but it seriously lacks replay value. 7/10.
I’d read about this game a few days before it was released, and being the simulator loving mormon I am I downloaded it the first day the author released it to the public. Ore No Ryori means “my cooking” in Japanese despite what the loading screen says and the game is just that…cooking.
A relative of yours is ill and now you’re the chef/dishwasher/waiter/everything that isn’t the cashier of his restaurant. Which must’ve been pretty crappy before the relative became ill because you start out with nothing but some pizza and beer to sell. The action starts almost immediately, and people start running in ordering pizza and beer left and right. The goal is to raise $30,000 in 40 days or the restaurant will be shut down for….some reason. No borrowing money from granny’s purse now big boy, it’s time to sell nachos.
At the end of every day you have the choice to buy objects to upgrade your restaurant. There’s a tip jar for customers who got orders that you did just right, a candy rack for the guys who got burnt pizza and over-filled beer (which is like me ordering a pizza, getting two instead, then not tipping because I only ordered one), some safety objects, some new food to sell, a hot bar, and various electronics. The safety objects are good for bribing the Board of Health who come by every 4 days to stick their penis in your snacks. If you fail the inspection you have to hand over five hundred big ones, which will most likely piss you off. The new foods that are available are nachos, burgers, steaks, and soup. It’s best to get all the food early in the game if you want to actually win.
After buying all the food, things can get pretty hectic. Running after a thief while handing out soup and cooking a steak can be quite a workout, as well as serving the bastard that comes in every two seconds wanting a beer. The mailman comes by every now and then and gives you either bills or a package. The bills can either result in you losing or gaining thirty-five dollars, the package is from your relatives, which is sometimes a picture (even though after you get the first one, the other ones don’t show up) and other times two hundred dollars, which isn’t half bad for a sick guy. The before-mentioned hot bar is good for cash and nothing else (like everything else in the game), people run by it and grab food, leaving fifteen dollars in with the Chinese eyeballs or whatever the hell is in it. Last and probably least are the electronics. There’s a TV to increase the customers’ waiting time for food (I don’t think it works), a phone that, when picked up, is almost always a seventy dollar loss by your wifebeating landlord, and actually I think that’s all the electronics there are, a bug zapper sure would have been appreciated.
So did I like this game? Yes I did, very much so. I’ve played it for two or three hours and can now safely consider myself a master in the vitual cooking realm, which probably won’t score me that many dates now that I think about it. But everyone knows I’ve played Mark Platinum now so there’s no chance in hell I could ever get a date with anyone ever again. Sure this game may not have taught me all there is about cooking, but sure taught me that using too many parenthesis in a review makes you look like an idiot.
Graphics: 4
Gameplay: 8
Sound: 7
Controls: 8
Replayability: 7
Overall: 34/50 (basically a 7/10)
An angry pirate stands at the meth lab while I pour him some home brewed urine from the tap.
This is a very unique game, and one of the only games you’ll ever find that has to do with owning a restaurant and cooking. Your parents go to Japan or some country and have to take care of a sickly relative, and leave the restaurant to you for 40 days, in franchise mode.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good for this game. The ingredients looked like the real thing, and so did all the food, but the whole style of the game makes it look like its paper drawn, or paper cut-out. Not cel shaded though.
Sound:
The sounds in this game are very good. There’s only 2 songs or so, and they go well with the whole mood of the game. Only bad thing though is when you’re playing, the song ends and it stops for about a couple seconds so that it can restart. The sounds of disappointment and satisfaction are good, and when you spend so much time (like I have), the satisfaction sounds actually make you happy for some reason.
Gameplay:
Very challenging. You really have to pay attention to what the customer wants to get it just right. It seems like the game gets harder at your own pace, allowing you to buy more types of food to sell at your own discretion, so that more customers come in at the same time requesting a different thing. Once you buy all the foods, its crazy. Since I’m an absolute and total veteran master sargeant at this game, its not that hard for me, but the first day I played after I bought all of the foods, it was hell, because 8 different people came in at the same time. It is kind of strange to see some guys come in for a beer at 7:00 in the morning, supposedly getting ready for work…and guys coming in for pizza or steak in the morning, nachos at night, etc.
Crappiest Part:
There isn’t much story to lead you on through the game, but the fun of cooking and making money is enough to cover for the lack of story. I would have wanted a little more in-depth restaurant management thing though, so that new things keep happening, instead of once you buy all the things there is to buy, all you do is just keep on cooking and serving food until the last day (if you’re in franchise mode).
Overall Score:
This is a very good game, and is one that I would actually pay to play. Its not too often a game as good as this comes around. There are 3 modes in the game, Tutorial, Franchise, and Arcade. You can unlock/buy the Arcade mode after going through the Franchise mode. It implies that there are secret options or something in the game, but I’m not too sure, because I haven’t beat it yet. I give it a
This game is a game about Ness, and he’s launched in the air by his friend Jeff (this being presumably after Earthbound). Its a fairly involving game, and is very challenging. The story may be a bit cheesy, but so is your mom…>.>
Graphics:
The sprites were mostly ripped from Earthbound, but the background was really good. And the way the “psi” attacks were animated was pretty good too. The only bad thing, is that its really small, so you can’t see the details, like if there’s a crevace thing you can go in.
Sound:
The music is very good. But after a while I don’t notice it much, because I get really involved in the game. Besides that point, it really goes well with the game. Ness screams when he gets hurt
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very good, runs smoothly, and you don’t get stuck on any edges (like Elfish Wars).
Crappiest Part:
So…hard….::stranded in the desert:: ….
Overall Score:
This game is very fun for an adventure game, and I suggest anyone but Nintendo’s lawyers to play this game. I give it a:
Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.
–
Overview:
This is a very fun game, in which missiles of many types are trying to destroy a pile of blocks that you have to save by clicking the missiles, and using different weapons to destroy them.
Graphics:
The graphics of the missiles are very interesting to watch and look at as they fire into the blocks, split up into smaller missiles, and stuff like that. One bad thing though, is that the “powerup” icons are taken from Pocket Tanks.
Sound:
There’s a pretty cool title screen kinda tune, there’s no in game music, because there’s so many explosions and missile sounds that sound really cool.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very simple, but gets more interesting with powerups, weapons, and other things. Its more than just point and click, you have to get rid of the things that are more dangerous at the time than others, and you have to always keep paying attention to what you do.
Crappiest Part:
The pocket tank icons used as the powerups in this game. And the fact that if the missiles go through the top of the screen or the bottom of the screen, they come out on the opposite end, and its kinda hard to click on them then.
Overall Score:
This game is so fun, that I can actually see myself playing it just to play it. This should be a classic arcade type of game. I give it a:
Never before in a game, do you have a bazooka thing that shoots spinning bananas that blow up ninja monkeys, piles of goo, stupid things you can’t shoot, and hover monkeys from a boat, until this game. This game takes you through lush scenery, like…umm…black…steps, and waterfalls and trees that you can’t climb (even though you’re a monkey)
Graphics:
Completely sub-par. I don’t even know what that means exactly, but its less than average.
Sound:
The annoying exploding sounds. The weird thing is, when you shoot, you hear an explosion, not when you actually have the thing explode…
Gameplay:
Normal…but there were times where I fell through the floor, and that was gay, because then I had to start over again. The only part that I actually kind of liked was the boat level thing…if you ever get past all the parts of the game you can fall through..
Crappiest Part:
How you fall through the floor sometimes for no reason. It seems you only fall if you shoot in specific places. And the legs of the monkey keep moving even though you’re not moving.
Overall Score:
It was an ok attempt, but it could have been done better.
Developer: Remedy Entertainment / Publisher: Rockstar Games
–
Overview:
Max Payne is a third person shooter that progresses its story through a graphic novel, split into 3 parts, along with narration. The main thing about this game is bullet-time. The story really complimented the experience of the gameplay, and almost inspired you to keep going on to find out what happens, and how its going to end. This isn’t a very long game though (if you go through it once, only). You’ll probably get a good 5 or 6 hours out of it on the easy setting, but when you go for the other difficulties, good luck. Its hard enough as it is on easy, because the difficulty actually changes to adjust to how well you’re doing. The replay value of the game is pretty good, as well. There ARE some annoying levels, through the game every now and then.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good, and you can’t see much better than it right now.
Sound:
The sound is awesome. There is so much action going on, and so much gun figting that you’ll feel like you’re actually in the middle of it. The gangster’s normal speech gets a little repetitive, as they keep saying “what the hell,” “its PAYNE!,” “Kill the bastard!” and a few more other ones I can’t think of off the top of my head. Once you go through the first 2 chapters of Part I, you’ll just about have heard them all. Once in a while, there are 2 enemies that talk about completely off topic subjects. Later in the game, you’ll hear 2 of them talking about bullet-time itself, saying how it would be “so cool” if you could be able to use it yourself.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is kind of hard to get a hang of at first, but when you learn everything, its smooth, and you always know what to press. As I said before, the difficulty level of the game changes to fit how well you’re doing during the game. If you’re doing really good, the difficulty goes up. If you’re doing really bad, the enemies are easier. Once you beat the first difficulty level, 2 more types of games open up. There’s a total of 5 different modes, so if you care enough to be the best Max Payne in the world, try beating each one.
Crappiest Part:
I’d say the crappiest part of Max Payne would be how it left you off on a sort-of cliffhanger when you beat the game. It ended the story, but it left a few unanswered questions. But I guess that’s what Max Payne 2 is for.
Overall Score:
Max Payne is an excellent game, with no plot falls, and seamless gameplay. This game is one of my favorites, and is a lot of fun if you have good speakers for your computer.
This is a semi-original kind of game, reminiscent of tetris and the matching part of memory without the memory thing
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t especially great, but they accomplish what they need to be, and its not like they’re an eyesore. Its easy to tell them apart, and I guess that’s kind of important for this game.
Sound:
There was a delightful one song soundtrack that I must buy.
Gameplay:
Point and drag. It was simple enough. The instructions are kind of confusing I think. Basically, you have to drag the squares into a straight line of 3 or more. The most possible is 6 but you’ll find yourself (or at least I did) trying to get the 3 in a rows instead of the more in a rows, because blocks keep falling down, and you need to get more space for them.
Crappiest Part:
While this is kind of a fun game, there isn’t much to it, like increasing difficulty levels or something like that.
Overall Score:
This is a mix of a couple things, and I think that it was good for the idea. There weren’t any annoying things that hindered playing, but this isn’t anything better than an average game.
There’s a lot of bad games made with Game Maker, but this game is not one of them. I’ve spent so many hours playing this game that my fingers and eyes have gone numb. Wait…am I reviewing Mark Platinum here? Well then let me rephrase what I’ve said thus far. This game IS one of them, and I hate it about a whole lot.
For one, the size of the screen is about 9 x 9, so you better get the magnifying glass when you’re ready to play. Also bring about eight bottles of Motrin also. The game begins with an introduction story so pathetic and misspelled that I wonder if the designer put any thought into the game. After playing the game for five more seconds, you will see that the answer to that is no.
Aliens have invaded Asia and are headed for Europe! So why the hell do I start off in a room with a backdrop of Egypt? Last time I checked, Egypt wasn’t in either Europe nor Asia….ok mister smarty man, whatever you say! Pressing right makes Mark move right..that’s all. The maker was too busy chugging anti-freeze and masturbating to Ateens videos to even make a walking animation of any sort. Pressing up will make Mark move up, again with no kind of animation. Video game characters sure do suck these days, all they every start out with is the ability to jump really fucking high and make enemies dissapear and make a weird sound when landed upon. After walking forward and trying to jump over enemies for a while you hit a flag and are transported to the end of the game. Ok maybe you don’t but a guy can dream can’t he? No? Well fuck you too.
The second level has ice or something, I don’t really remember. Anyway, there’s a gun the size of a mountain in which you can pick up if you walk into it. The gun then magically turns into a normal sized gun. When fired it shoots about eight hundred pool balls, TEH ENEMYS HAV NO CHANS.You have infinite lives but it doesn’t matter because the game blows infants for jawbreakers. And everytime you restart a level, the music repeats from the beginning. May I add that the music is like listening to a barn orgy involving your whole family and a group of very dirty pigs.
Graphics: -5
Sound: -6
Replayability: -9
Fun Factor: -10
Controls: 0
basically, a 1/10
SCREENSHOTS:
The giant pussy gun, this is the whole size of the screen.
Save the Bug (PC) (653.2 KiB, 1,197 hits)
