Hope: Which is farther away – New York City or the moon?
Andy: New York City.
Hope: Why do you say that?
Andy: I can see the moon, but I can’t see New York City!
Tag Archives: New York
Joke #10761
New York must be the nerve center of the country. It keeps giving Washington a pain in the neck.
Joke #9288: Contempting Proposition
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return.
“What for?” he snapped at the judge.
His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s what for!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge said, “It’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The young man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words!”
Joke #9258: The Prayer Scare
A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd – no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
“A PRIEST, PLEASE!” the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age.
“Mr. Policeman,” says the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I’ve lived behind St. Mary’s Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I’ve listened to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man.”
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice:
“B – 4. I – 19. N – 38. G – 54. O – 72.”
Joke #9186
A preacher dies, and when he gets to Heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, “I don’t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation.”
The angel says, “We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?”
The preacher says, “Once in a while someone fell asleep.”
The angel says, “Right. And when people rode in this guy’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!”
Sewerboy At His Finest
qalquelf
qalquelf – n. a Danish guy who drives a humvee around New York City while throwing gravel and saxophones at people
Fulton Fish Market
Fulton Fish Market – n. a place in NY with over 5 tons of fish and it STILL smells better than Sharon Turner’s pussy!!