It’s very confusing nowadays to see boys looking like girls, with the long hair and pocketbooks and even earrings. I was sitting in a restaurant when a girl came in and turned to the person at the next table and said, “Isn’t it awful how boys look like girls these days?”
“That’s my son,” she said, pointing to the girl.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were the mother.”
“I’m not,” the answer came indignantly. “I’m the father!”
Girls, never trust guitar players. They’ll string you along.
JOE: “I don’t expect too much from a girl. I just want a girl who’ll walk up to me, look me in the eye and love what she sees.”
MOE: “You don’t want a girl. You want a blind midget.”
A prize fighter doing road work with his manager one morning spotted a little girl jumping rope. He turned to his manager and asked, “Who’s she fighting?”
Girls, don’t worry about an individual retirement plan. Marry a rich man.
BACHELOR: “Listen, baby, you’ve got to admit that guys like me don’t grow on trees.”
GIRL: “No, they swing from them!”
These are modern times. Girls no longer marry men for money. They marry them for charge accounts.
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
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If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.
Q: What’s the difference between an eleven-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl?
A: A five-dollar difference in your phone bill.
Did you hear about the girl who kissed so many sailors that her lips move in and out with the tide?
One teenage gal said to her friend who was about to make a telephone call, “If a girl answers, don’t hang up. His voice is changing.”
SISTER: “Tell me the truth, do boys like talkative girls as well as they like the other kind?”
BROTHER: “What other kind?”
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
– You say to your mate, “I love you,” and you get a reply of, “So do I.”
– You don’t bother to wear your wedding band because it turns your finger green.
– Your husband celebrates your anniversary by going out with the boys.
– You’d rather play bridge with the girls than spend a quiet night at home with your husband.
– You go to the drive-in with your mate and spend two hours just watching the movie.
As a man, I’m a failure. Even before I was born, I was a failure. My parents wanted a girl.
Q: What is a hermit?
A: A girl’s baseball glove.