Tag Archives: giraffe

Giraffe and Annika (PC) Review

Developer: atelier mimina | Publisher: PLAYISM || Overall: 8/10

Overview:

Giraffe and Annika is a quick adventure game set on Spica Island. As Annika, you’ll explore the island and discover secrets, run through dungeons, and do some other interesting things. While waiting for “the shoe to drop,” I was expecting a heel turn from Giraffe, since despite being a titular character, he is suspiciously powerful and doesn’t do much. I wasn’t exactly correct in my assumption, but the mystery of what is going on in the big picture is hinted at but not spelled out until the end. What ends up happening is that we get a nice little adventure game with a heartfelt story, similar to the movie Spirited Away, in a sense.

Graphics:

So, it is a mixed bag here. The graphics aren’t terrible, but they certainly don’t look modern. A lot of the assets feel like stock assets included in whatever engine the game is using. At the same time, there’s a lot of customized graphical work that has some charm, so it isn’t for a lack of effort the way the game looks — probably just resources. The team seems pretty small and a lot of the effort went into music.

There are a number of characters you are introduced to on the island, probably around 12 in total, half being rabbits. There are also some non-hostile ghosts who do some of the “manual labor” of the island such as operating boats/trams/etc, but they don’t have any real personality outside of the hat they are wearing. Lily, the main antagonist in the story, actually has motion-captured animations and dances around during the boss fights, which is nice. Additionally, you could probably jerk off to her since she’s kinda hot, so there’s that.

Sound:

The music is an integral part, though not emphasized enough to call this a “musical game.” While most of the game is actually a series of light puzzles where you run through stages, the “boss” of each stage is a song/rhythm mini-game. The rhythm game is actually pretty simple; you either move Annika left or right and press a button at the right time for each orb that is lobbed towards you. Some orbs are dangerous and have to be avoided, but generally there isn’t much trouble getting through it.

However, to get 100% on the boss stages is a different story, and you’ll likely have to memorize at least a portion of the boss stages to get through with a high rank. There are also 3 difficulty levels for each boss stage and you can play at any time (once you beat them), so there’s certainly “enough” of a point to the boss mini-game to have it exist. There are only 5 boss stages, however, which goes to the brevity of the overall experience.

Gameplay:

Most people should be able to get through in less than 8 hours. I fell asleep a couple of times while playing, so there’s definitely some time that could have shaved off my total. Generally, the game is a very light puzzle/platforming/running game with sprawling levels. One level actually has well-designed puzzles that require you to time things correctly — but it’s still pretty easy.

In general, I’d suggest the game could be playable by young kids, maybe around 8 years old, though they may not understand anything that’s really going on. The story isn’t particularly “for adults,” but does deal lightly with death and puts the story in that context once you complete it. It’s probably a game for “everyone” at the end of the day, especially since there is no combat.

There is also a collection of “Meowsterpieces” to find across the island, which are pieces of art. When you find them, they get added to a collection, and at certain points you can turn them in for prizes, such as clothing for Annika. There is a minimum requirement to gather around 16 of them to get a ticket to advance to the last stage, so you do need to collect some, but not all, of the art.

Crappiest Part:

I guess the crappiest part is the running animations. It all looks like everyone is gliding across the ground instead of actually walking on it. It makes the game look cheap and more low-effort than it actually is, which isn’t a great impression when you first load up the game.

I would probably have enjoyed it more if there were more difficult platforming puzzles in the dungeons. However, I wasn’t particularly inclined to put that much effort into it if I got stuck, so it would have been a fine line to walk. I took a long break after not being able to find the rabbit kids in enough time, and that is about two hours into the game.

Conclusion:

I enjoyed the game enough to beat it, which isn’t something I usually do. The game held my interest enough at a certain point to continue with it and try to beat it. The story is pretty thin, but interesting. I’m glad I played this, though I suppose I was hoping for something a little more weird/off the rails.

Joke #24431

Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane.  One falls off.  How many are left?

A: 499

Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party.  All the animals attend but one.  Which animal is it and why?

A: Giraffe.  He’s stuck in a refrigerator.

Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river.  There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming.  She swims across and makes it to the other side safely.  Why?

A: The alligators are all at the birthday party.

Q: Sally dies anyways.  Why?

A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

The Triumphant Lion and the Arrogant Jy-Raffs

Once there was a rap group in the Sahara Desert called the Jy-Raffs.  It was a group of giraffes that loved to sing and rap.  They sang about eating leaves off trees and making sexual innuendos about those sexy giraffe bitches drinking from the watering holes.

One day an exuberantly manly lion named ReggIster Stupenstein published his first reggae/rap album.  He sang songs about legitimate love with his lioness pride without any baby killing beforehand.  He sang of lounging in the shade and eating yesterday’s zebra carcass with no hassle form the vulture community.

In essence, it was everything the Jy-Raffs were not and all the random lifeforms living in the Sahara Desert raved about the album.  This made the Jy-Raffs so jealous because deep down inside they were depressed that they were forced to sing about partying and smoking trees and looking at giraffe buttholes all day.  Most of them didn’t even like buttholes — they were mostly all about that tongue-action.

The Jy-Raffs decided to kill ReggIster Stupenstein because there was only enough room in the “politically correct reggae rap” niche for one successful artist.

Little did they know, this would be their demise.  As they were plotting their revenge in the cramped corridors of a secret underground cave, a genie’s lamp accidentally fell out of an encased tomb of sap that could only be unlocked by uttering the words “lion,” “reggae,” “kill,” “masturbate,” and “grind his liver between three calculus books” in the predicate of a 356-word-long run-on sentence with no correct punctuation.  They were rappers, after all…!

Anyhow, the genie, named Jardan Maura, didn’t come out of his lamp and grant the giraffes three wishes like you would expect.

Instead, the genie was a rebel genie who banished his victims to do irregular to insane monotonous tasks in a sweat shop in China that he owns.

The Jy-Raffs were fucked.  Instead of having to decide four different jobs for the giraffes to do, he combined them into one super giraffe — a four-headed, 16-legged monstrosity of a giraffe, doomed to forever lick closed 0% APR credit card applications sent to random people for the rest of their unnatural lives.

Moral of the story:  Appreciate the hard work that goes into mass-produced junk mail!

Dave’s Notes: Sylvester and the Magic Pebble

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series Dave's Notes

There was this stupid kid named Sylvester Duncan and he had a hobby of collecting pebbles.  What a douche.  Honestly, he couldn’t figure out something better to do with his time?  Did I mention he was a donkey?  No?  I guess I spoiled the midway surprise if you read this without any pictures attached like I did.

So, anyway, this donkey liked to collect pebbles.  He found a magic pebble that was enchanted by a novice wizard who was getting used to new incantations on the hill nearby Sylvester’s home town.  This wizard was probably a gopher, and he’s not in the story at all.  But you know he’s watching…

Sylvester is so happy when he finds this pebble because he wants to be a geologist one day and he would be the first donkey geologist anyone had ever conceived for a fairy tale.  He was going to be famous!  Sort of.

Anyway, this pebble grants wishes and he wished for stupid shit to happen, mostly to do with the weather.  As he was skipping along on the way home, instead of using the pebble to travel around wherever he wanted, like a smart donkey geologist would, he encountered the hobo murderer lion that lived on Strawberry Hill — and he had an appetite for stupid donkey geologists such as Sylvester.  He just ate the giraffe seismologist and he wasn’t too filling.

So, like the dumb donkey he is, he wishes that he was a rock and loses grip of the magic pebble.  Well, now Sylvester is a rock.  I told you he was smart, now he gets to see how life is like being a rock.  The lion takes a piss on him and leaves him to die.  If only the lion knew the power of the magic pebble, he’d be a respected and unfeared member of the animal populace.  He’d also have fairy tales written about HIM.  But I guess not.

So, Sylvester fell asleep for 20 years.  During that time, his parents looked for him, but it was all for naught.  After three almost-divorces and taking the lion to court for kidnap and murder three times (there was no such thing as double jeopardy in Oatsdale, but there was something called justice and parental negligence), the Duncan Donkey parents forgot about their son and tried to live on without him — which wasn’t hard.  They turned his room into an exercise room and tossed out his shitty pebble collection.

So, one day the Duncans went for a picnic and a screw on Strawberry Hill where they started remembering about their son from 20 years ago.  They found a pebble on the ground which just happened to be the magic pebble and wished that Sylvester was there, so they could beat the shit out of him for leaving the house all those years ago for a stupid hobby.

Hark!  The rock Mr. Duncan had his ass on turned into their son and they beat the shit out of him like they wanted.  They dragged him home by his ear and locked him in a cage.  They put the magic pebble in an iron safe so that no one would wish for stupid shit anymore and because the Duncans were already rich from the Duncan vs. Oatsdale Police court case where the Duncans charged the Oatsdale Police with conspiracy for covering up the disappearance of Sylvester.

Little did they know, the lion would get a lawyer to prosecute the Duncans for defamation of character in the disappearance cases and would retain all of the Duncans’ possessions once they found out Sylvester was trapped in the Duncans’ house.  Which meant Sylvester would get put into slavery (since he became a possession) and the magic pebble would sit in a locked safe owned by a lion who didn’t know the combo.

This whole time, the gopher wizard was sitting at home watching Street Sharks on DVD and enjoying the company of his gopher prostitutes.

An Interesting Quiz

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will reveal if you are qualified to be a “professional.” Think! And then scroll down for each answer.

The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is:

Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.

This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, “Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?”
(Wrong Answer)

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference.

All the animals attend except one.

Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.  You just put him in there. Remember? This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. You have to cross a river inhabited by crocodiles.  How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You swim across.

All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers.

Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old!