DOCTOR: “Miss Smith, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not get Hong Kong flu from eating contaminated Chow Mein.”
Tag Archives: doctor
Joke #12923
DOCTOR: “How’s the woman who swallowed the spoon?”
NURSE: “She hasn’t stirred at all.”
Joke #12920
A man went to see his doctor. The doctor said to him, “Are you following my orders to only have one drink a day, Mr. Jones?”
Mr. Jones replied, “Yes, I am, Doctor. Right now I’m up to March 5, 1985.”
Joke #12916
Did you hear about the shoe who went to see his doctor? Seems he wanted to be heeled.
Joke #12915
I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. When I wake up in the morning and see my wife in curlers and face cream, I get sick to my stomach.
Joke #12914
CONFUCIUS SAY: “No doctor is a good doctor who has never been ill himself.”
Joke #12912
It wouldn’t be economically practical for doctors to come up with a miracle vitamin that would keep people healthy all of their lives. Then who would need doctors?
Joke #12911
“Yesterday I saw a dental hygienist having a fight with a manicurist over a doctor.”
“I’ll be they were battling tooth and nail.”
Joke #12791
Doctor Smith phoned Mike, his mechanic, in the middle of the night and said, “It’s my engine again, Mike. I can’t get it started. That car is one big headache!”
“Well, Doc, take two aspirin and phone me again in the morning.”
Joke #12664
A wrestler thought he was going nuts, so he went to see his psychiatrist.
The doctor told him, “You have to get a hold of yourself.”
The wrestler replied, “I do, that’s why I’m here.”
Joke #12614
I read in the papers about a Mid-West college football player who stands 6 foot 9 and weighs 465 pounds. His doctor put him on a diet. Now he can only eat one cow a day.
Joke #12373
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: “My doctor told me if I want to stay healthy, I’d better go on a long fast. He must know the way my wife cooks.”
Joke #12298
PATIENT: “You treated my brother for gall bladder and he died of malaria.”
DOCTOR: “Nonsense. When I treat a patient for gall bladder, he dies of gall bladder!”
Joke #12297
PATIENT: “I can’t afford the operation, Doctor.”
DOCTOR: “Okay, so I’ll touch up the X-rays.”
Joke #12296
PATIENT: “My problem is, I have a suicidal complex.”
DOCTOR: “In that case, you’ll have to pay in advance.”