I wish laughter was the best medicine. A comedian would make a house call cheaper than a doctor would.
Tag Archives: doctor
Joke #13199
My physician’s bookkeeper must be a frustrated medical man. I caught him doctoring up my bills.
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13197
A WORD OF ADVICE TO PARENTS: Never trust a doctor who doesn’t like a dose of his own medicine.
Joke #13195
An elderly lady was introduced to a Doctor Stevens at a party. At the first opportunity, she cornered the man and said, “Doctor, I’m so happy to meet you. I’d like to ask you a question. Lately I’ve been getting terrible pains on my right side when I lift my arm like this. What should I do about it?”
The man answered, “I’m sorry, Madam, but I’m not that kind of a doctor. I happen to be a Doctor of Economics.”
The lady was taken aback for a short moment, then regained her composure and asked, “So tell me, should I sell my stock in General Motors?”
Joke #13194
DOCTOR: “How is the boy who swallowed the silver dollar?”
NURSE: “No change yet.”
Joke #13021
You know you’re getting old when all the numbers in your little black book belong to doctors.
Joke #12986
DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN: “Tell me, Igor, where is the monster?”
IGOR: “He went to town to mail off 20 Father’s Day cards.”
Joke #12938
MAN: “Doctor, what’s the biggest problem you have in treating a patient with two broken hands?”
DOC: “Getting him to sign a check for my bill.”
Joke #12937
I don’t trust the physician my husband goes to. When the doctor gives him a shot, it comes out of a bottle.
Joke #12936
“Doctor, what do you do for a millionaire who is a hypochondriac?”
“Schedule him for a checkup every other day until he’s cured or broke.”
Joke #12931
OVERHEARD IN A LOCAL STORE: “I asked my doctor how I was, and he told me not to buy any long-playing records.”
Joke #12930
“Sir, we need a doctor’s excuse if you’ll be missing work today.”
“Okay. I won’t be in today because I’m playing golf.”
Joke #12927
A doctor finished his examination and said to his patient, “My advice is to stop drinking and smoking and get plenty of sleep. Also stop staying out all night. That’s the best thing for you.”
The patient gulped and replied, “To be honest, Doc, I don’t deserve the best. What is second best?”
Joke #12925
Modern medicine isn’t that great. Doctors still can’t explain why or how a man who’s healthy all through the work year gets sick on the first day of his vacation.