Two spacemen were shooting through space in their rocketship.
They were returning to their planet from Earth, and were bringing back a bunch of bananas. They had never seen bananas before.
Just as one of them bit into his banana, the spaceship dropped into a Black Hole.
First spaceman: “Did you take a bite out of your banana?”
Second: “No.”
First man: “Well, don’t. I just did and went blind!”
The Martians set down in the middle of a big city.
They weren’t sure where they were, and set out to find someone who could tell them.
“Why not ask him?” said one, pointing to a fire hydrant.
“Don’t be silly,” said the chief Martian.
“Can’t you see he’s only a child?”
The only aliens who visit Earth are ones who lose campaign bets.
Q: How do you get an alien baby to sleep?
A: You rocket.
Once upon a time there was a peaceful alien planet. The inhabitants of the planet, the Calcules have enjoyed many luxuries, and has seen no war for the last 300,000 years. This race focused on education and the well-being of others. Sure there was the usual crime of someone paying too much Schniza, the English translation of the money the Calcules had, for a product. Yes, life was good.
Once upon a time, there was another planet called Earth. Well, Earth was a fucked up place because they had vampires, werewolves, zombies, and bats with penises the size of an elephant’s. Well, this other race of aliens, called the 9 Star 9 80085, was on a purifying mission, and they blew up the Earth.
So, thinking nothing of it anymore, the 9 Star 9 80085s left. But the immortal creatures of the Earth flew around space for another thousand space years, which is about 300 million Earth years. Eventually they all landed on the home world of the Calcules!
There was turmoil all across the lands. Zombies were eating the aliens, and since zombies ate brains, the aliens gave them a feast! The zombies got smarter, and turned the remaining parts of the aliens into shotguns, shooting all the other aliens with them.
The vampires gouged out all the alien’s eyes and sucked out their blood like that. The werewolves cut off the alien’s necks in one swipe. The bats with big penises drove in the alien humvees, and with a gattling gun the zombies made, the zombies shot every alien they could find.
There was a professional alien game called Alienball going on too. Everyone was having a good time, and no one knew of the cataclysms going on outside. The vampires built ramps going up to the top of the stadium on all sides, and once they were all built, at the same time, 3000 bats with big penises with zombies shooting gattling guns drove up the ramps and flew into the air, all of them shooting at the same time. Werewolf paratroopers and vampire fighter planes swooped in and killed all the aliens.
The End.
Fuck you Mark.
Horrible…
hellion – n. an alien from hell
Q: What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Q: What do you call a pony with a cough?
A: A little hoarse.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: When is an alien like a pony?
A: When he’s a little hoarse.
Q: What did one cool alien say to the other?
A: Yo! You’re a far out dude!
No no no, i’m sick of all this comet and ice melting crap…the world isn’t going to end like that, see…the goverment of every country will give money to people and the people will run to the casino’s and spend it all…so the whole world goes bankrupt, but then all the casino’s in the world will flood with money and all the people will drown by getting coins and stuff down there throat. When the coins hit the ground, the aliens (who can hear a pin…i mean pants drop from long distances…) think the sound of a coin drop is someone dropping there pants and mooning them…and flashing your ass to aliens is a serious offense and you get your ass chopped off and forced to eat Laxatives (stuff that makes you poop A LOT) and be forced to look at a toilet….the horror….anyways the aliens come and give everyone in the world a purple nurple(twisting your nipple) and a kick in the ass. Now everyone is getting kicked and having aching nipples and so they start a moon war, where who can blind the most enemy eyes with one ass. Now it would be a hard war to win but eventually an old Alien guy called Bubba Lubba Fat Ass Tubba Witha Bubba Tummy Tom would show his big ass and the whole human race will go blind and they’ll be forced to watch…i mean listen too porno movies with out picture (cause there blind) and they’ll kill themselves and the aliens will rule the earth. It’s the truth…
Q: Where does a monkey go when he loses his tail?
A: A retail store
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Another variation of this joke:
Q: What do space creatures do when they lose their tails?
A: They go to a retail store.
sefesefa – v. to say “holy potatoes” after you see a U.F.O. fly into a building.
Ex. The man had sefesefa’d after he saw a U.F.O.