MAN: “I always win at cards and lose at the race track.”
LADY: “Why is that?”
MAN: “Because I don’t get to shuffle the horses.”
Joke #11922
My day started off bad. This morning I slept right through the alarm. To make matters worse it was my smoke alarm. You can’t imagine how depressing it is to open your eyes the first thing in the morning and find yourself ten stories up on a ladder over a fireman’s shoulder.
Joke #11921
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
“Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?” asked the psychiatrist.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” said the patient.
“And when does this happen?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Oh,” said the patient, “when I answer the telephone.”
Joke #11920
Receptionist: Hello? Dr. Sickman’s office. May I help you?
Caller: Yes! I feel funny. What should I do?
Receptionist: Try to get on television.
Joke #11919
Q: What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you?
A: A phone moan.
Joke #11918
Q: What did the big ape say when he dialed incorrectly?
A: “Oops! King Kong ring wrong.”
Joke #11917
Q: How does a skeleton make calls?
A: On a bone phone!
Joke #11916
Q: How does a baboon make phone calls?
A: He just monkeys around on the line!
Joke #11915
Q: How does a barber make phone calls?
A: He cuts them short.
Joke #11914
Q: Why was the goblin’s phone bill so high?
A: He made lots of troll calls.
Joke #11913
Q: What kind of music do phones love to hear?
A: A symphony!
Joke #11912
Q: Why does an octopus need so many phones?
A: So it can reach out and touch someone!
Joke #11911
Q: Why did Silly Sally think she was engaged?
A: Because her boyfriend said he’d give her a ring tonight!
Joke #11910
Q: What did the frog say when she called her boyfriend?
A: “Let’s live hoppily ever after!”
Joke #11909
Q: What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash?
A: Tele-Scope