Category Archives: (C) Stoner Poems

(C) Stoner Poems, Poetry and Songs

Stoner’s Delight

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It starts as a seed,

That you plant in the ground.

It turns into weed,

Which you smoke from a bong.

 

It makes you feel strange,

Makes you fidgit and twitch.

It makes you happy and glad,

Makes you want more of it.

 

You spot your bag and you point,

You look at your friend and you say,

“I’ll light up a joint,

If you pass that my way.”

 

You lick and you fold,

You pack it in tight.

The joint has been rolled,

It’s a beautiful sight.

 

You hit that shit up.

Puff, Puff, the smoke flows.

You pass it this way,

As a smile is shone.

 

A startling sound,

Puts a frown on your face.

Not a knock, but a pound,

Your heart starts to race.

 

You creep to the door

And slowly take a peek.

Laughing, you fall to the floor,

For it’s only your friend, the Geek.

 

He’s small as a runt,

But has lungs made for three,

He’s the kid of Big Blunts,

And he’ll smoke em’ for free.

 

So you invite him on in,

And you give him a chair.

He sparks up a blunt,

Pulls a hit like a bear.

 

Now down from the attic,

Comes your pal, AL.

He’s got a bottle of plastic,

And it’s full of Vodka.

 

He’s come to pay rent,

And he only pays in Nuggs.

He lives in your basement,

There he sits and he chugs.

 

He walks in the room,

And stumbles a bit.

His words are all slurred,

You tell him to sit.

 

He plops on a chair,

And just sits for a while.

Runs his hands through his hair,

Then begins to smile.

 

He pulls out an “O”,

Of the number one shit.

Nuggs with a glow,

Time for a hit.

 

So you pack up the pipe,

And you give it a light.

It smells and tastes good.

It’s a stoner’s delight.

 

By the end of the night,

When you feel all burnt out,

Smoke one more bowl,

Then pass out on the couch.

Poetry and Songs, (C) Funny Poem, (C) Stoner Poems

Bring Your Own Weed

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And tonight

there’s gonna be a fight

In the dark

not the light

We’ll meet in the park

And as we wait

We’ll toke it up

And if you’re late

You won’t get a hit

So I suggest

You bring your own weed

And if a pipe’s all you need

I can supply it

But don’t think you’re getting a free hit

And this morning

The cops came to my house

and gave me a warning

“Keep the music down!”

And then knocked me down

So I shot them and said

“You forgot to bring your own weed, man!”

And I sat there

smoking a bowl

or two or three

And then I was there

In that deep dark hole

filled with poo and pee

It looked to me

like I ran out of weed!

(C) Funny Poem, (C) Stoner Poems, Poetry and Songs

The Rhyme Game (Disfunctional Family)

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You

got

to

not

poo

on

you

and

me

and

can’t

you

see

the

yellow

in

my

pee?

Hello

window

shallow

water

yellow

water!

Sorry

I

wee

weed

in

the

pool!

And

school

sucks

so

does

your

mom

but

I

heard

your

dad

was

better!

I

fucked

your

sister

the

other

day!

It

was

really

lame

and

gay!

She

kept

calling

out

your

name

as

I

fucked

her

brains

out!

Oh

wait

she

aint

got

none

’cause

of

all

the

fags

she’s

fucked!

I’ve

got

a

lot

of

luck

when

I

scored

with

your

granny!

She

said

she

aint

had

a

real

man

since

she

fucked

you!

And

I’m

blue

not

like

you!

My

balls

fag

my

balls

are

blue!

And

now

I’m

gonna

sue!

Sue

you

and

your

mother

and

your

father

and

your

sister

and

your

granny

and

you!

I’m

all

fucked

up

now

I

think

I’ll

upchuck

now

in

your

mom’s

pussy

and

watch

her

throw

a

tissy

and

then

I’ll

shit

in

her

cunt

and

watch

your

father

lick

it

up!

Wassup?!

My

dick

when

I

saw

you!

Wow

you

fag

get

off

my

dick

I

aint

say

you

could

suck

me!

No!

You

gonna

fuck

me

in

the

butt!

What?

No

you

aint

fagget

get

the

hell

away!

And

that’s

all

for

today!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!