At the complaint window of a large department store, the clerk asked, “And what is wrong with the washing machine?”
The man answered, “Every time I get in it, it goes too fast for my bath.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #12161
Did you hear about the Siamese twins who asked their waiter for separate checks?
Joke #12160
My eyesight is so bad, last week while hiking in the woods I picked up a snake to kill a stick.
Joke #12159
GAS ATTENDANT: “That’s a neat car you have, mister. How many miles do you get to a gallon?”
CUSTOMER: “I only get about three miles to a gallon. My teen-aged son gets the other twenty.”
Joke #12158
“Seaman Smith,” said the captain, “we’ve been at sea for six months and now we’re in home port. Everyone has left the ship, but you. What’s wrong? Are you the only crewman who doesn’t have a wife in port?”
“It’s the other way around, Captain,” said the seaman. “I’m the only crewman who’s got a wife in port.”
Joke #12157
BILL: “Do you know what an incompleted pass is?”
WILL: “Yeah, it’s when you ask a girl out and she says no.”
Joke #12156
The main difference between professional and semi-pro football is the pregame training meals. Pro players get sirloin. Semi-pro players get hamburger.
Joke #12155
The Green Bay Packers just drafted a defensive end so big that he uses Volkswagens for roller skates.
Joke #12154
Did you hear about the dumb football captain who didn’t believe he lost the coin toss and demanded to see it again on instant replay?
Joke #12153
You can always tell a crumby football team. The band members are in better shape than the players.
Joke #12152
“Listen,” the scout said to the coach of the Hoboken Hurricanes. “I know for sure this guy is a natural fullback. He was born with an unusual growth under his arm… an ingrown football.”
Joke #12151
Did you hear about the middle linebacker who was so tough that as a child he didn’t have a teddy bear? He slept with a live grizzly instead.
Joke #12150
During a cloudburst two football captains met in the middle of the flood field for the coin toss.
“Are we really going to play in this downpour?” one captain asked the referee.
“That’s right,” the referee replied. “Now which end of the field do you want?”
Shaking his head in disbelief, the captain answered, “We’ll receive downstream.”
Joke #12149
He’s so naive when it comes to sports, he thinks the Orange Bowl is a place to store citrus fruits.
Joke #12148
You can always tell a boring football game. The people in the stands get their hot dogs during the first and second quarters to they won’t miss any of the halftime.