CUSTOMER: “Waiter, the food in this restaurant tastes terrible.”
WAITER: “I’m sorry you don’t like it, sir. Are there any other complaints?”
CUSTOMER: “Yes. Your portions are much too small.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #12858
The other day I met a politician who must have been campaigning too hard. I saw him shake a baby and kiss a man’s hand.
Joke #12857
What an ego my college roommate has! He says he wouldn’t let them make a clone of him because they simply couldn’t improve on perfection.
Joke #12856
“I tried a new raw fish diet. For a month I ate nothing but raw fish.”
“Did you lose weight?”
“No. But now I can balance a ball on my nose and bark like a seal.”
Joke #12855
A man should never marry a pretty woman. He should always marry an ugly woman. If a man marries a pretty woman and in a few months she gets tired of him and she runs off, he’s heartbroken. An ugly woman might run away too, but who cares?
Joke #12854
Girls, never trust guitar players. They’ll string you along.
Joke #12853
JOE: “I don’t expect too much from a girl. I just want a girl who’ll walk up to me, look me in the eye and love what she sees.”
MOE: “You don’t want a girl. You want a blind midget.”
Joke #12852
A handsome bachelor was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out when along came his girlfriend. “I’ll kiss those tears away,” she said, trying to console him. For several minutes she smothered him with kisses, but he still continued to cry. “Won’t anything stop those tears?” she asked him.
Looking up and rubbing his eyes, he said, “No. It’s hay fever. But please continue the treatment.”
Joke #12850
SALLY: “I just can’t find the man who’ll make me the perfect husband.”
TILLIE: “Maybe you’re asking too much.”
SALLY: “Nonsense! Al I’m looking for is a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”
Joke #12849
A drunk stumbled out of a bar, bumped into a telephone pole, knocked into a trash can, and then fell flat on the sidewalk right in front of an uppity old spinster.
“Sir,” scolded the woman coldly, “if I were in your condition, I’d shoot myself.”
“Lady,” stammered the man, “if you were in my condition, you’d miss.”
Joke #12848
Two New York gamblers won big at Las Vegas and decided to take a cab all the way from Nevada to Manhattan. As they were getting into the cab, one man said to the other, You’d better get in first.”
“Why?” asked the other.
“Because I have to get off at Forty-first Street and you don’t get off until Fifty-ninth.”
Joke #12847
“I just got a role in a movie,” an actor said to his agent. “I play a hen-pecked husband married to a woman who lives with her mother and four teenaged daughters.”
“That’s nice,” said the agent. “But too bad it’s not a speaking part.”
Joke #12846
T.V. REPAIRMAN: “Lady, the trouble with your T.V. set is a short circuit in the cord.”
LADY: “Well, for heaven sake, lengthen it. I’m missing my favorite show.”
Joke #12845
Life is ironic. The friends who would do anything for you are always the ones you can’t stand.
Joke #12844
JUDY: “I’ll have you know I can marry anyone I please.”
SALLY: “That may be, but you don’t please anyone.”