A traveling salesman was on a train one day. He started saying out loud, “One pair of pants, two pairs of pants, three pairs of pants…”
A woman sitting across from him said, “Sir, don’t you know it’s not right to count your britches before you get to them?”
NOTE TO FISHERMAN: “Doesn’t it seem stupid to clean the fish you catch? After all, fish live all of their lives in water.”
FOOTBALL COACH: “Krumski, do you know what a pigskin is good for?”
KRUMSKI: “Sure, coach, it keeps the pig’s bones from falling apart.”
PAUL: “I don’t like bowling!”
SAUL: “Why not?”
PAUL: “Every time I go, they give me a ball with holes in it.”
A famous boxer visited the offices of a sports magazine and said to one of the editors, “Do you have any good pictures of me here?”
The editor asked, “What do you consider a good picture of yourself?”
The boxer replied, “One where I’m standing up.”
SUE: “Harry is the recording secretary of our college chess club.”
LOU: “What does he do?”
SUE: “He reads the hours of the last meeting.”
GOLFER: “Caddy, have you noticed any improvement since last month?”
CADDY: “You shined up your clubs, right?”
Two horse players met one day. The first asked, “How did you do at the track today?”
The other guy answered, “Very well. I got a ride home.”
BOXING INSTRUCTOR (to a student who had his first lesson): “How did you like it, Benny? Do you have any questions?”
BOXER BENNY: “Yep! Do you have a correspondence course?”
MAE: “I get everything backwards.”
RAY: “I can’t believe that.”
MAE: “It’s true. I’ll give you an example. Yesterday I tried to follow a recipe for pineapple upside-down cake and ended up with a pineapple down-side up cake.”
MR. CHEAP: “How much does a cup of coffee cost?”
WAITER: “30 cents.”
MR. CHEAP: “How much for a refill?”
WAITER: “A refill is free.”
MR. CHEAP: “Great! I’ll have a refill.”
BARBER: “How do you want your hair cut?”
MAN: “In silence!”
Bank teller to man at his window in bank: “I’m sorry, Mr. Page, but your wife beat you to the draw.”
A boss was interviewing a man for a job in the factory. The boss said, “You’re asking a lot of money for a man with no experience.”
The man answered, “I know, but it’s much harder to do work when you don’t know anything about it.”
A man rushed into a restaurant one morning and said to the waitress behind the counter, “Will the pancakes be long?”
The waitress replied, “Nope! They’re always round.”