Crook with a gun to garage owner: “I expect about a thousand bucks and that’s just an estimate, Mac.”
Category Archives: (F) Conversational Joke
Joke #13236
JUDGE: “Why did you hit your wife with a baseball bat, Mr. Tupper?”
TUPPER: “Because I couldn’t find my hockey stick.”
Joke #13233
LAWYER: “Where were you on the night of December 24th?”
DEFENDANT: “Up at the North Pole helping Santa Claus.”
Joke #13232
PRISONER 2369076: “You mean to say you’re in jail because you’re very sentimental?”
PRISONER 7230964: “Yep! I put my wife’s picture on the 10-dollar bills I was making.”
Joke #13231
JUDGE: “Mr. Jonas, after hearing all the evidence in the divorce case, I think we should give your wife two hundred dollars a week.”
MR. JONAS: “That’s nice of you. I’ll chip in five bucks.”
Joke #13230
PATIENT: “Doctor, my hearing is very bad.”
DOCTOR (shouting): “Do your ears ring?”
PATIENT: “Huh?”
DOCTOR (shouting): “Do your ears ring?”
PATIENT: “Huh?”
DOCTOR (under his breath): “Boy, is this guy stupid!”
PATIENT: “I heard that!”
Joke #13228
“He started out as a dentist, but later he became a world famous brain surgeon.”
“How did he make such a big change?”
“His drill slipped.”
Joke #13224
“Nurse, boil the surgical instruments.”
“Ah gee, doctor, just as a change of pace can’t we roast them today?”
Joke #13218
“Doctor, what’s the quickest cure for double vision?”
“Shut one eye!”
Joke #13217
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’m terrified of robins. Everytime I see one, I break into a cold sweat.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “But why are you frightened of robins, Mr. Smith?”
PATIENT: “Aren’t most worms?”
Joke #13216
MAN: “I need help, Doc. My wife thinks she’s a kitty cat.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “What do you want me to do?”
MAN: “Get her to stop eating canaries!”
Joke #13215
DOCTOR: “You are much too overweight, Miss Fenton.”
MISS FENTON: “I”m not overweight. I’m just 9 inches too short.”
Joke #13214
DOCTOR TO HIS PATIENT: “Next time you see spots before your eyes, Mrs. Woodworth, grab a pencil and try to connect them.
Joke #13212
A mother was having a talk with her next door neighbor. “My son, Robert, is in medical school. He wants to deliver babies. To be honest, I would not trust him to deliver newspapers.”
Joke #13211
PATIENT: “Doctor, now that you’ve diagnosed my case, can you cure me?”
DOCTOR: “I’m afraid I can’t, sir. You see, your illness is hereditary.”
PATIENT: “Well, in that case, Doc, send the bill to my father.”