Category Archives: Commercials

Commercials made for SBC.

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Mrs. Telemarketer’s Telemarketer School

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(a person is “talking on the phone, you can hear on the other line a person screaming and hanging up the phone. The person frowns for a second, then smiles widely, hanging up the phone. The person looks at the camera)

 

Mrs. Telemarketer: hello, do you want to venture into the world of telemarketry? If so, you should still listen. Hello, I am Mrs. Telemarketer and I sell stuff for no-name or really really bad companies you just don’t like. If you’re still interested, call this number. We’re available 24 hours a day, because of the fact that we don’t sleep and have no food because we spend all our money on coffee, sugar pills, and amphetamines. The number is 1-800-WE-SUCK-BECAUSE-WE’RE-TELEMARKETERS. Bye!

 

(fade out)

(end)

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

WorldCom

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(a big office with a lot of people typing on computers)
(a man starts walking from the left to the right, and the camera follows him)

Man: here, at WorldCom, we are like a family. Our family is always together, and our family never gets a vacation. We’re also 3.8 billion dollars in debt………but who’s counting? Certainly not us, because Andersen, the same company that did the same thing with us with Enron, was counting for us. Those fucking bastards.

(Man leans against a wall)

Man: but here at WorldCom, we like to have a family. Excuse me, we LIKED to have a family, because now our family has been torn apart

(the camera does a 180 degree spin, looking from behind Man, and all the computer desks were gone)

Man: we had to lay off thousands and thousands of people so that we could stop paying them and get some money out of not paying them. Now, all we have is Steve. But he works for free, because he lives in the air vents. Say hi Steve

(a guy from way back in the room, gets up and waves)

Steve: hi everybody!

Man: WorldCom – We’re a family. Be apart of ours.

(end)

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Jimiscokfick Mycomnisory Arm Pit Hair Straightner

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(a guy is walking by the TV screen when the announcer guy comes on)

 

Announcer: hey you!

 

Guy: who me?

 

Announcer: yes you, do you have unprotected sex?

 

Guy: what the fuck???

 

Announcer: why don’t you try the new Jimiscokfick Mycomnisory arm pit hair straightner? It will straighten your armpit hair in no time flat!

 

Guy: who the fuck wants that?

 

Announcer: .5% of the world does! Don’t you want to be part of that .5%?

 

Guy: …

 

Announcer: It;’s also proven to cause cancer and HIV and instant death, but WHO CARES? you’ll die with straight armpit hair!

 

Guy: umm..i gotta go, bye…

 

The Announcer takes out a taser and tasers the guy until he falls down.

 

Announcer: see? the Jimiscokfick Mycomnisory arm pit hair straightner could have prevented that!

 

The guy is twitching on the ground.

 

Announcer: buy it now…before i kill you…seriously…

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Fat Remover

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A woman is doing the dishes in her house when the announcer comes running behind her with a gun and puts it right against her back.

 

Announcer: FREEEZE OR I PUT SO MANY BULLETS UP YOUR ASS!

 

The lady freaks out and drops all the dishes on the floor.

 

Announcer: Well i’m going to shoot you…shoot you with lower prices!

 

The lady turns around.

 

Lady: WHAT THE HELL? WHO ARE YOU?

 

Announcer: I’ve come to show you the new Fat remover! It removes 99% of all body fat! Looks like you can use some!

 

The announcer pokes her belly. The lady slaps him HARD.

 

Announcer: OW! See that slap would have been harder if you had less fat on your fingers! I’m going to give you a low low cost of…$1,000 dollars! Yes, thats right, $1,000 dollars!

 

Lady: … GET OUTTA MY FREAKIN HOUSE!

 

Announcer: but wait! theres more! We’ll give you this makeup kit FREE, just for you!

 

The lady looks as the announcer takes out a paper bag with 2 eye holes in it. The announcer puts it over her head.

 

Announcer: your lookin better already!

 

The lady gets so mad her face turns red as she rips off the paper bag.

 

Lady: …GET….OUT….NOW! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE? LEAVE BEFORE I CALL MY HUSBAND! GET THE FUCK OUT!

 

Announcer: But wait, theres more!

 

Lady: Thats it! ALFRED! HELP ME THERES A ROBBER IN THE HOUSE!

 

Alfred (the husband) runs down and tackles the announcer guy. The announcer guy shoots Alfred.

 

Announcer: I was just getting to that! The new ultra blood soaker sponge thingie! It soaks up blood like you’ll never believe!

 

The anouncer guy pulls out the sponge from his pants and begins soaking up the blood. He soaks up all the blood from the wound.

 

Lady: HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HI…hey that does soak up blood pretty good! How much for it?

 

Announcer: I’ll give it to you for free if you buy the fat remover! Plus the makeup kit for only $1,000!

 

Lady: Hmmm…can you do another demonstration? I’m not sure…

 

The announcer guy pulls out his gun and shoots alfred in the leg. He then soaks up all the blood with the very same sponge … O.o amazing.

 

Lady: hmmm…

 

Alfred: call…ambulan..ce…help…me…

 

Announcer: Yes we are helping you…SAVE MONEY! You loose fat, plus look beautiful, AND get a nice sparkly floor when you get shot several times! What a bargain! If you don’t call before the cops get here, you will loose your chance!

 

Alfred: he…lp…

 

The announcer kicks him in the head knocking him out. The lady gives the guy $1,000 dollars.

 

Announcer: you forget the tax and the shipping and handling and the interest and the…

 

The lady grabs the announcer guys gun and shoots him. She then grabs the sponge and soaks up the blood. Sirens can be heard in the background.

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Floppy Watches

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(a guy goes to an execution squad thingy to be executed)

 

Announcer Person: Uh oh, it looks like your going to be late for your birthday party!!!!!

 

(the guy gulps)

 

Announcer Person: Sorry, we can’t help you there!! But if you live through it, which isn’t too likely, you can go and get a new watch to celebrate!! It’s a new watch called…Floppy Watches by Navli!!!!

 

(fade out as gunshots are heard)