JOE: “I don’t expect too much from a girl. I just want a girl who’ll walk up to me, look me in the eye and love what she sees.”
MOE: “You don’t want a girl. You want a blind midget.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12852
A handsome bachelor was sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out when along came his girlfriend. “I’ll kiss those tears away,” she said, trying to console him. For several minutes she smothered him with kisses, but he still continued to cry. “Won’t anything stop those tears?” she asked him.
Looking up and rubbing his eyes, he said, “No. It’s hay fever. But please continue the treatment.”
good salesman
good salesman – n. a person who can convince you that you’ve always wanted a product you never saw before in your life
Joke #12850
SALLY: “I just can’t find the man who’ll make me the perfect husband.”
TILLIE: “Maybe you’re asking too much.”
SALLY: “Nonsense! Al I’m looking for is a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”
Joke #12849
A drunk stumbled out of a bar, bumped into a telephone pole, knocked into a trash can, and then fell flat on the sidewalk right in front of an uppity old spinster.
“Sir,” scolded the woman coldly, “if I were in your condition, I’d shoot myself.”
“Lady,” stammered the man, “if you were in my condition, you’d miss.”
Joke #12848
Two New York gamblers won big at Las Vegas and decided to take a cab all the way from Nevada to Manhattan. As they were getting into the cab, one man said to the other, You’d better get in first.”
“Why?” asked the other.
“Because I have to get off at Forty-first Street and you don’t get off until Fifty-ninth.”
Joke #12847
“I just got a role in a movie,” an actor said to his agent. “I play a hen-pecked husband married to a woman who lives with her mother and four teenaged daughters.”
“That’s nice,” said the agent. “But too bad it’s not a speaking part.”
Joke #12846
T.V. REPAIRMAN: “Lady, the trouble with your T.V. set is a short circuit in the cord.”
LADY: “Well, for heaven sake, lengthen it. I’m missing my favorite show.”
Joke #12845
Life is ironic. The friends who would do anything for you are always the ones you can’t stand.
Joke #12844
JUDY: “I’ll have you know I can marry anyone I please.”
SALLY: “That may be, but you don’t please anyone.”
Joke #12843
MAN: “Just once I’d like to be able to win a golf game.”
WIFE: “Then why don’t you play against someone other than your boss?”
Joke #12842
There was a hillbilly who was so strong that he pitched horseshoes without taking them off the horse.
Joke #12841
Plato must have had coaches in mind when he said, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”
Joke #12840
A sports nut is someone who’s married to the TV set during the baseball, football and basketball seasons and married to a wife the rest of the time.
Joke #12839
ATTENTION LADY SOFTBALL PLAYERS: Watch your curves!