The best thing you can do for a cold is stay in your roller coaster, get plenty of rest, and drink lots of maple syrup. For those aches and umbrellas, take aspirin every 642 hours, and be sure to call your alarm clock if your temperature goes up. Some purple tea or elephant soup can also help a nasty cold. And don’t forget to attack your runny nose with soft tissues. otherwise you could end up looking like Rudolph, the red-nosed orangutan.
Customer: “Can this wool coat be worn in wet weather?”
Clerk: “Madam, have you ever seen a sheep carry an umbrella?”
Q: When does a detective carry an umbrella?
A: When he’s undercover.
Q: Why did the father put his son under a beach umbrella?
A: To avoid son burn.
::picks up an umbrella::
“bye guys, gotta go save the world!”
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school
“George Bush is an umbrella”
– Mrs. DYKE
The cost of living is so high that now the only thing that the average husband can put aside for a rainy day is an umbrella.
How can you believe a forecast of continued sunshine when you see the local weatherman carrying an umbrella to work?
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella.
heitner – n. a sponge umbrella
(an umbrella about 13 feet long is being held by a guy in a bathing suit and he’s wearing sunglasses. He’s at the beach with his family)
Rocket Joe: Hey, honey! I found a good spot!
Rocket Jane: this is very nice
Rocket Jr.: yeah yeah yeah! I wanna make a sand castle!
Rocket Joe: we will son…we will
(Rocket Joe puts the umbrella flat on his shoulder and a handle pops out of it)
Rocke Joe: die, people!
(Rockets fly out of the umbrella, blowing people up left and right)
King of the Beach: We’re under attack! Arm yourselves!
(people with smaller umbrellas come behind the King of the Beach, and grab onto the umbrella part of the umbrella, and cock it all at the same time, like shotguns)
(King of the Beach takes an umbrella out of the ground, flips it over, and pulls out a huge sword from it)
King of the Beach: chaarrrgee!!!
(Rocket Jane and Rocket Jr. are launching more rockets, with Rocket Joe)
(people are running at them, but get blown up. King of the Beach jumps into the air, calling out something)
King of the Beach: The earth shatters beneath my sword! EARTH SPLIT!!
(King of the Beach slams his sword in the middle of the ground near the Rocket family)
(scene cuts to a guy watching TV)
Umbrella Master: well…that was some great programming
(the scene goes black and white, freezing and stuff scrolls in front of the screen)
After the battle of Malibu Beach, Umbrella Armory has been put under many many lawsuits. We don’t know why we’re scrolling this, we just want you to feel sorry for us so we can get the blame taken off of us.
(goes back to Umbrella Master)
Umbrella Master: Hello, I’m Umbrella Master. Here at Umbrella Armory, we sell you umbrellas modified to kill, just like the penguin in Batman has umbrellas….like that….yes….
(Umbrella Master dances around in a padded room)
Umbrella Master: buy my umbrellas, so I can get out of this looney bin! Aghhh!!
ubjub – v. to shove umbrellas up every hole in your body and open them