Snack Invasion is a (not so) fun little game in which you have to click on aliens who came 6,000 light years to steal your Lays, Fritos, Ruffles, Funyuns, Cheetoes, and Doritos. One would wonder why they would do that, when they can just go to any one of the 7 11s, rob the store with their alien laser guns, and get a Grapermelon Slushee while they’re at it. I don’t get it.
Graphics:
The graphics are fine…I really like the bags. They look so realistic. Oh wait, they’re just cropped out.
Sound:
HORRIBLE, AND UN-NEEDED. I don’t need stupid sound effects of chip bags popping out of the strange landscape they call your home. And the annoying “woo woo woo”s of the aliens doesn’t help either. The only good thing is how the aliens make a big explosion sound when they die. Oh wait. THEY DON’T. ALL THEY FUCKING DO IS GO “POOF.” MILLIONS OF YEARS OF TECHNOLOGY AND ALL THEY CAN MAKE THEIR FLYING SAUCERS DO IS GO “POOF” and suck up bags of fucking chips made by a stupid company! You’d at least THINK they’d make themselves not be gay, and make their ships go “KABOOM,” but NOoooooOoooOOOoooo………
Gameplay:
Point, Click, Suck, Dick
Crappiest part:
The web site it is on. Let’s face it. No one goes to eploids.com. As soon as I put this review up, their servers will be overloaded with the less than 3 people that will actually click on the fucking link to go to their site.
This is what PacMan would do if he wanted money…instead of pebbles…and no ghost things….or a wife
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t anything more than a few angles for the main character and the enemies….i can’t even figure out what the enemies are half the time. The only one i recognize to be anything is a pair of eyeballs…this is what Slick Spike looks like:
Sound:
The music is ok. It IS kinda strange though…nothing too interesting to listen to though, because of the frustration that comes with trying to figure out the puzzles in the game.
Gameplay:
The gameplay actually gets increasingly hard, I only made it to level 4, but as you go on with levels, it makes you do puzzles that you did before, and combining it with new puzzles in different ways, so it makes you try to figure out what to do all the time. Supposedly there is 40 levels in this game (as per their web site). The gameplay is THE strong point of this game, it is simple yet hard.
Crappiest Part:
The enemies are really friggin annoying. You have to remember their movements and time everything right. This isn’t necessarily crappy, but its just something that is annoying.
Overall Score:
I can really only imagine what happens over the next 40 levels. It says there is “major bosses” on levels 20 and 30, but i dont know how you can beat any enemies….yeah….whatever, I give it a:
A long long time ago, an example was made. That example was 1942, and it came with the Game Maker package. Change the sprites and you get this game.
Graphics:
They’re not horrible, but they’re not original. Look at the piece of crap fish.
Sound:
The blowing up sound is annoying, and the song is from the example game, which is also annoying.
Gameplay:
You press the space bar and the arrow keys to shoot rocks. What more would you want in a crappy game?
Crappiest Part:
The part of the game where its 1942…oh wait, that’s the whole game! So the whole thing is crap!
Overall Score:
This game was ripped off another one. WoW you know how to change sprites! You shoulda made it Save The Penis instead and have the bug a penis instead and have it shooting out the orange shit. Now THAT would be funny, and be worth a 2.
Sauen’s Christmas Game is a shitty compilation of 7 games. These games are so shitty, that you’ll have more fun taking a shit than playing any of the 7 wonderful (and I use that sarcastically) games. These games cannot compare to shit. Shit smells better, looks better, and sounds better.
Graphics:
Well, remember what I said about shit looking better? Well, it does. The graphics suck ass, and the people are so small in the games you can barely make out any detail. I don’t know if its a guy’s penis or his arm. The only mini-game that is not included in this realm of shittiness is Snowball Challenge, where the graphics are actually decent, and if you play it first, gives a false impression to the quality of the rest of the mingames.
Sound:
There’s a couple of songs you can choose from on the main screen. There’s no song that starts out though, and you’re presented with 3 options. Music 1, No Music, and Music 2. They’re both Christmas songs.
Gameplay:
The gameplay in this game varies from game to game. Here’s a rundown of all the different games.
Snowball Challenge – This game is stupid. All you do is click, and hope the snowballs will hit the furry little purple guys that are trying to rape your elven army.
Ufo! – You’re a rocket. And you’re trying to dodge the mean ol’ rain clouds. No problem, you can just blast them away with your 3-way machine gun! HOORAY! You also get 5 rockets that don’t do anything better than the machine guns.
Sliding Challenge – What do you get when you cross Ski-Free and a not very creative programmer? A CONTEST OF BRUTE STRENGTH WHILE SLIDING ON SLEDS, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! You race the computer down a hill with trees and rocks and the computer always wins.
Protect the Iglos – Yes, I know it says “Iglo.” That’s how its spelled in the game. Obviously an iglo is different from an “igloo” in that it has a chimney (in case you ever wanted to start a fire inside the iglo) and an ice door on it. This is basically a stupidly shitty version of Cliff Gunner. Like we need to have a Christmas version of it around.
Ice Fishing – Ever wanted to play ice fishing? Well, your dream has come true! Except there really isn’t any ice that you drill through…and there’s fish that are about 50 feet long…and its pretty god damned shitty….did I mention that? I think I said shitty around 15 times by now.
Ice World – Oooh. Tantalizing name isn’t it? Well, its, yet again, another shitty game. You’d think this was a mad dash across the screen to get to the other side of the “world,” but you actually have to collect as many of the shit coins as you possibly can, without running into any ice fragments. Welcome to Ice World, the shittiest planet in the universe.
Biathlon – Say it ain’t so! A SKIING game that makes you go around a track? Yes it is. And the funny thing is, you can’t make a complete lap around this circuit.
Crappiest Part:
The crappiest part of the game is how you will get a heart attack from playing all these games in succession. Well, I didn’t. I just had to take a crap after all of them. So I’m going to do that now.
Overall Score:
This pack of mini-games is so god damn stupid, I can only be thankful it was all put into the same game, and not made into 7 different ones. That would’ve blew hard. For this reason alone, and the 5 minutes of enjoyment I actually did get out of playing “Ufo!,” it gets a
Ok….i’m not sure what you’re supposed to do, but you’re in a space ship, going around the solar system…and you have weapons that don’t destroy anything
Graphics:
The graphics are ok. you can tell the planets are the actual things…
Sound:
The spaceship…sounds like what spaceship would probably sound like, but that’s why its probably better to play this game with the speakers off…
Gameplay:
uhhhhhh i dont like it too much. sometimes i’m not sure if i’m going toward the planet or away from it.
Crappiest part:
How it takes so long to get to a planet, and once you do get there, you dont know what to do.
Overall Score:
i gave it a 7/10, because the stats kept me interested for 10 seconds.
Imagine pong…but instead of going just up and down, you can move around in a circle and go into the center of the circle too. That is this game, Radial Pong.
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t special, but what more could you really want from a pong game? The cloud background beats the hell out of the original pong game in graphics (or should i say CRAPhics hyuck)
Sound:
The music is good. The main menu song is kind of stupid, cause there’s supposed to be like DJ scratching sounds or something, but its in MIDI, so it sounds like crap.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is a bit hard to get used to, but its pretty good, for what you do in this game.
Crappiest Part:
How you can’t get a screenshot of you losing or winning. I woulda put one here either way, but I couldn’t seem to get it for some reason.
Overall Score:
There’s nothing really bad about this game, but there isn’t that much that is good either. Its a good game though, for a Game Maker game. 7/10.
This is a basic Pac-Man game, with better graphics than the original. It actually gets kinda hard later on in the game.
Graphics:
The graphics are alright. There’s nothing bad about them.
Sound:
I think there’s only one song, and its the original Pac-Man song, but its like remade to sound a lot better, and there’s drums and junk…but its still a MIDI…and it is annoying to a degree.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is smooth, and its not overly hard because the enemies move about the same speed as you.
Crappiest Part:
I had to pause for a while and think about this…ok i thought of something. There’s nothing to build on top of the original Pac-Man game.
Overall Score:
This game is a basic Pac-Man game, but it didn’t build anything on top of Pac-Man to make it go somewhere. But its a very nice Pac-Man game if you like to play Pac-Man.
You’re a samurai trying not to get killed. You have a million and 2 lives and a sword.
Graphics:
The graphics are really good, but lack detail. I’m pretty sure the sprites are original, since he uses different sprites of the same style in most of his games. There’s also a beginning movie thing that is pretty cool too, but it doesnt have anything but one of the samurai guys doing…something..
Sound:
There’s no music, just samurai guy sounds going “WHAAAAA” and “YOOOOOAAAHHH” and “EEEEEYYYAAAHHHH.” It gets annoying as fuck, even though its funny in the beginning.
Gameplay:
Its ok, i don’t like the moving system that much. You move with the mouse, but by clicking.
Crappiest part:
Its almost impossible to have a positive score for too long, since each guy you kill is 1 point and everytime you die (which is a lot of times) is -5 points.
Overall Score:
This is a fun game, but it seriously lacks replay value. 7/10.
This is a very unique game, and one of the only games you’ll ever find that has to do with owning a restaurant and cooking. Your parents go to Japan or some country and have to take care of a sickly relative, and leave the restaurant to you for 40 days, in franchise mode.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good for this game. The ingredients looked like the real thing, and so did all the food, but the whole style of the game makes it look like its paper drawn, or paper cut-out. Not cel shaded though.
Sound:
The sounds in this game are very good. There’s only 2 songs or so, and they go well with the whole mood of the game. Only bad thing though is when you’re playing, the song ends and it stops for about a couple seconds so that it can restart. The sounds of disappointment and satisfaction are good, and when you spend so much time (like I have), the satisfaction sounds actually make you happy for some reason.
Gameplay:
Very challenging. You really have to pay attention to what the customer wants to get it just right. It seems like the game gets harder at your own pace, allowing you to buy more types of food to sell at your own discretion, so that more customers come in at the same time requesting a different thing. Once you buy all the foods, its crazy. Since I’m an absolute and total veteran master sargeant at this game, its not that hard for me, but the first day I played after I bought all of the foods, it was hell, because 8 different people came in at the same time. It is kind of strange to see some guys come in for a beer at 7:00 in the morning, supposedly getting ready for work…and guys coming in for pizza or steak in the morning, nachos at night, etc.
Crappiest Part:
There isn’t much story to lead you on through the game, but the fun of cooking and making money is enough to cover for the lack of story. I would have wanted a little more in-depth restaurant management thing though, so that new things keep happening, instead of once you buy all the things there is to buy, all you do is just keep on cooking and serving food until the last day (if you’re in franchise mode).
Overall Score:
This is a very good game, and is one that I would actually pay to play. Its not too often a game as good as this comes around. There are 3 modes in the game, Tutorial, Franchise, and Arcade. You can unlock/buy the Arcade mode after going through the Franchise mode. It implies that there are secret options or something in the game, but I’m not too sure, because I haven’t beat it yet. I give it a
This game is a game about Ness, and he’s launched in the air by his friend Jeff (this being presumably after Earthbound). Its a fairly involving game, and is very challenging. The story may be a bit cheesy, but so is your mom…>.>
Graphics:
The sprites were mostly ripped from Earthbound, but the background was really good. And the way the “psi” attacks were animated was pretty good too. The only bad thing, is that its really small, so you can’t see the details, like if there’s a crevace thing you can go in.
Sound:
The music is very good. But after a while I don’t notice it much, because I get really involved in the game. Besides that point, it really goes well with the game. Ness screams when he gets hurt
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very good, runs smoothly, and you don’t get stuck on any edges (like Elfish Wars).
Crappiest Part:
So…hard….::stranded in the desert:: ….
Overall Score:
This game is very fun for an adventure game, and I suggest anyone but Nintendo’s lawyers to play this game. I give it a:
Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.
–
Overview:
This is a very fun game, in which missiles of many types are trying to destroy a pile of blocks that you have to save by clicking the missiles, and using different weapons to destroy them.
Graphics:
The graphics of the missiles are very interesting to watch and look at as they fire into the blocks, split up into smaller missiles, and stuff like that. One bad thing though, is that the “powerup” icons are taken from Pocket Tanks.
Sound:
There’s a pretty cool title screen kinda tune, there’s no in game music, because there’s so many explosions and missile sounds that sound really cool.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very simple, but gets more interesting with powerups, weapons, and other things. Its more than just point and click, you have to get rid of the things that are more dangerous at the time than others, and you have to always keep paying attention to what you do.
Crappiest Part:
The pocket tank icons used as the powerups in this game. And the fact that if the missiles go through the top of the screen or the bottom of the screen, they come out on the opposite end, and its kinda hard to click on them then.
Overall Score:
This game is so fun, that I can actually see myself playing it just to play it. This should be a classic arcade type of game. I give it a:
Never before in a game, do you have a bazooka thing that shoots spinning bananas that blow up ninja monkeys, piles of goo, stupid things you can’t shoot, and hover monkeys from a boat, until this game. This game takes you through lush scenery, like…umm…black…steps, and waterfalls and trees that you can’t climb (even though you’re a monkey)
Graphics:
Completely sub-par. I don’t even know what that means exactly, but its less than average.
Sound:
The annoying exploding sounds. The weird thing is, when you shoot, you hear an explosion, not when you actually have the thing explode…
Gameplay:
Normal…but there were times where I fell through the floor, and that was gay, because then I had to start over again. The only part that I actually kind of liked was the boat level thing…if you ever get past all the parts of the game you can fall through..
Crappiest Part:
How you fall through the floor sometimes for no reason. It seems you only fall if you shoot in specific places. And the legs of the monkey keep moving even though you’re not moving.
Overall Score:
It was an ok attempt, but it could have been done better.
Developer: Remedy Entertainment / Publisher: Rockstar Games
–
Overview:
Max Payne is a third person shooter that progresses its story through a graphic novel, split into 3 parts, along with narration. The main thing about this game is bullet-time. The story really complimented the experience of the gameplay, and almost inspired you to keep going on to find out what happens, and how its going to end. This isn’t a very long game though (if you go through it once, only). You’ll probably get a good 5 or 6 hours out of it on the easy setting, but when you go for the other difficulties, good luck. Its hard enough as it is on easy, because the difficulty actually changes to adjust to how well you’re doing. The replay value of the game is pretty good, as well. There ARE some annoying levels, through the game every now and then.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good, and you can’t see much better than it right now.
Sound:
The sound is awesome. There is so much action going on, and so much gun figting that you’ll feel like you’re actually in the middle of it. The gangster’s normal speech gets a little repetitive, as they keep saying “what the hell,” “its PAYNE!,” “Kill the bastard!” and a few more other ones I can’t think of off the top of my head. Once you go through the first 2 chapters of Part I, you’ll just about have heard them all. Once in a while, there are 2 enemies that talk about completely off topic subjects. Later in the game, you’ll hear 2 of them talking about bullet-time itself, saying how it would be “so cool” if you could be able to use it yourself.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is kind of hard to get a hang of at first, but when you learn everything, its smooth, and you always know what to press. As I said before, the difficulty level of the game changes to fit how well you’re doing during the game. If you’re doing really good, the difficulty goes up. If you’re doing really bad, the enemies are easier. Once you beat the first difficulty level, 2 more types of games open up. There’s a total of 5 different modes, so if you care enough to be the best Max Payne in the world, try beating each one.
Crappiest Part:
I’d say the crappiest part of Max Payne would be how it left you off on a sort-of cliffhanger when you beat the game. It ended the story, but it left a few unanswered questions. But I guess that’s what Max Payne 2 is for.
Overall Score:
Max Payne is an excellent game, with no plot falls, and seamless gameplay. This game is one of my favorites, and is a lot of fun if you have good speakers for your computer.
This is a semi-original kind of game, reminiscent of tetris and the matching part of memory without the memory thing
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t especially great, but they accomplish what they need to be, and its not like they’re an eyesore. Its easy to tell them apart, and I guess that’s kind of important for this game.
Sound:
There was a delightful one song soundtrack that I must buy.
Gameplay:
Point and drag. It was simple enough. The instructions are kind of confusing I think. Basically, you have to drag the squares into a straight line of 3 or more. The most possible is 6 but you’ll find yourself (or at least I did) trying to get the 3 in a rows instead of the more in a rows, because blocks keep falling down, and you need to get more space for them.
Crappiest Part:
While this is kind of a fun game, there isn’t much to it, like increasing difficulty levels or something like that.
Overall Score:
This is a mix of a couple things, and I think that it was good for the idea. There weren’t any annoying things that hindered playing, but this isn’t anything better than an average game.
okay…let’s see here. Ummm…You’re Link (hooray) and you’re in a haunted house (hooray) and….you have to get through a maze (hooray)…and you can’t go anywhere past the first turn! (booray) (that’s the word I just made up that is opposite to hooray)
Graphics:
the Link sprite is ripped off from somewhere, i’d bet. The door looks like a pecan and the ghost thing looks like a piece of purple shit that somehow got the balls to say “hey I’m a ghost and I’m going to fly around, and on top of walls while I’m at it”
Sound:
There’s a delightful version of Cypress Hill – Rock Superstar in MIDI format, that doesn’t place very well at all in this game.
Gameplay:
uhhh there’s no attacking, you just move….its not a good game, don’t get it.
Crappiest Part:
the part where everything is.
Overall Score:
You can’t even play this game, I have no idea what the point is, and its killing me that I can’t get through the pecan door so I can get to Nut World and bask in nuts of all types. 1/10 for crushing my dreams of a nut-filled world.
Snack Invasion (PC/Web) (173.3 KiB, 1,227 hits)
