I know a kid who is so bad in school, his teacher made him stand in the dunce corner so many times, he has a triangular forehead.
COLLEGE PROFESSOR (to dumb football player): “Look, Mike, I’ll give you an easy test. Let’s say I take 7 apples from 12 apples. What’s the difference?”
FOOTBALL PLAYER: “That’s what I say, Prof, what’s the difference?”
Things teachers do to drive students nuts: After they ask the class a question, they always call on a kid who doesn’t raise his hand to answer it.
So, remember students: The best way not to get picked to answer a question is to raise your hand wave it wildly as if you know the answer.
TEACHER: “You can always spot an abnormal student. He’s the one who comes back to school from a long vacation and remembers to bring his homework.”
A student raised his hand in class one day and said “Teacher, I’m very sick.”
The teacher asked, “Where does it hurt the most?”
The lad gulped, “At school.”
Times have changed. Years ago, to get on the good side of his teacher, a kid would bring her an apple. Today he brings her a gallon of gas.
The teacher of a Sunday Bible class asked a student, “Tom, why was Goliath surprised when David hit him with a stone?”
Tom answered, “Because such a thing had never entered his head before!”
TEACHER: “Can someone tell us why they hung that painting?”
STUDENT: “Because they couldn’t find the artist?”
Why is that the kids who claimed to hate school the most always end up as teachers?
“Did the music teacher actually say your voice was heavenly?”
“Well, she did say it was unearthly.”
TEACHER: “Morgan, when will you be ready to give me the answer to today’s addition problem?”
STUDENT: “Sum time, teacher, sum time.”
Q: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?
A: So he could grade his eggs.
THE IRONY OF TEACHING: The good kids you have to pass to the next grade, while the bad kids end up spending another year with you.
DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: “Do you want to learn to drive in a hurry?”
STUDENT: “Yes, do you have a crash course?”
PROFESSOR (to biology class): “If you should have a question at any time during the test, just raise your hand. That should allow enough blood to drain from your arm to your brain, so that you can solve your problem on your own.