#23299: davepoobond -> SexiLilFreek096

davepoobond: WAIT A SECOND

davepoobond: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE OUT OF SCHOOL

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: IN THE CHAT ROOM

SexiLilFreek096: ya y ?

davepoobond: cause

davepoobond: umm

davepoobond: hi

SexiLilFreek096: well hi

davepoobond: well hi!

davepoobond: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: ssry

davepoobond: sore

SexiLilFreek096: so were do u live

davepoobond: in my own world

davepoobond: called hell

davepoobond: i’m Satan, didn’t you know?

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur on the comp who’s watchin ova hell

davepoobond: hold on

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: i think its Bob Hope’s shift right now

SexiLilFreek096: lol

SexiLilFreek096: r u outa skool

davepoobond: uhh yeah…i’ve been outta “skool” since i fell from Heaven

davepoobond: i got really bad grades

davepoobond: so i fell out of it

SexiLilFreek096: sure

SexiLilFreek096: im out till january 5th

davepoobond: yay

davepoobond: i’m out for eternity

davepoobond: y’know, being Satan and all

davepoobond: God doesn’t really want me back

SexiLilFreek096: o ya i c how it is

davepoobond: its a real bitch

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur satin u maust a’ got bad bad grades cause u cant spell ur own name

davepoobond: uhh

davepoobond: do you know what “satin” is?

davepoobond: “satin” is a type of textile

davepoobond: people WEAR satin

SexiLilFreek096: ya i no that

davepoobond: oh ok. glad we’re on the same page

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: gonna go torture some more souls

davepoobond: see ya later

davepoobond: by the way, go to www.squackle.com its got lots of stuff made by me (Satan). its an orgrasm

SexiLilFreek096: ight ur on my bl is that kool

davepoobond: sure ok

SexiLilFreek096: bye ttyl

 

Bad Submission #21009

Submitted through the Other submission form.

name = mystic faerie
email = erikaoneal11@
use_email = no
type = songs
title = death
submission = death, i long 4 u
the date of my death is Tuesday, January 24, 2073
i can prove it.
death,blood, death,blood ,death,blood ,death,blood!!!!!

 

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.  Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.