#22494: davepoobond -> manceman

davepoobond: i ate 2 footlongs from subway today

manceman: shit man’

davepoobond: 😉

manceman: haha

davepoobond: i really did though

davepoobond: i was really hungry

manceman: haha

manceman: i guessed

davepoobond: i dont usually eat 2 footlongs

davepoobond: only thing i had today was pop tarts and 2 footies

manceman: haha

manceman: nice

 

#22492: davepoobond -> Automatic Man

davepoobond: i ate 2 footlong sandwiches from subway

davepoobond: today

davepoobond: isn’t that funny

Automatic Man: wow

Automatic Man: so thats y u were going there

davepoobond: when did you see me

Automatic Man: after school

Automatic Man: a little after

davepoobond: were you at the intersection

Automatic Man: ya

davepoobond: there was a coupon that i could get 3 footlongs for 10.99

Automatic Man: shit

davepoobond: so i thought what the hell, i’ll use it. i’m hungry anyway

Automatic Man: i had a footlong sub today

davepoobond: i have a bunch of coupons

davepoobond: for subway

davepoobond: i’ll give you some

Automatic Man: cool

davepoobond: they expire the 16th

Automatic Man: it was soo good, but it costeded me 9 dollars

davepoobond: 3 footlongs at reg. price is 12.99 or whatever

davepoobond: it was like 11 after

davepoobond: so i only saved a buck

davepoobond: which is kind of a rip off for a coupon

Automatic Man: but that buck will get you 100/164ths of a gallon of gas

davepoobond: i guess

davepoobond: well

davepoobond: diesel costs 1.89

davepoobond: right now

Automatic Man: o it went up

davepoobond: no, it never changed

davepoobond: it was like that for the past few months

Automatic Man: theres a cheap gas station in pas that has diesel for like 165

davepoobond: you can get it for less in cheaper areas

davepoobond: yeah, its just price gouging

Automatic Man: yep

davepoobond: its a more affluent area, so people will pay more

Automatic Man: you dont get gas at the crest, do you?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: no diesel there

Automatic Man: hey dave, dont tread on me

davepoobond: i get it at chevron

Automatic Man: o

davepoobond: its either that, or at the union at alta canyada

davepoobond: and its the same damn price

davepoobond: i like chevron better anyway

Automatic Man: o

Automatic Man: its all about the union

davepoobond: it has techron

davepoobond: which keeps the motor clean

davepoobond: er

Automatic Man: oh dave, thats a bunch of shit

Automatic Man: they do that to attract people who dont know shit about cars (like yourself)

davepoobond: what the hell does it do then

Automatic Man: techron?

davepoobond: yeah

Automatic Man: well first, you gotta really prove that they add sumthin else to the GAS

Automatic Man: im not sure if the gas even has it, let alone the diesel

Automatic Man: but it might

Automatic Man: i dunno

davepoobond: if it didn’t have it they wouldn’t advertise it

davepoobond: its false advertising and that’s illegal

davepoobond: so they add something

Automatic Man: but can YOU prove that it really cleans out carbon deposits in the engine?

davepoobond: probably not, but nor do i care that much, because i’m still gonna go to chevron which might have something or might not instead of going somewhere that doesn’t have anything advertised as being added into it

davepoobond: namely union

 

Subway: Eat Shit!

Jared is sitting in a subway eating some shitty Subway sandwich. Some hot HOT girls walk up to him in slutty outfits.

Slut #1: “hey Jared, is that sub the size of your dick or did you loose all of your dick on that diet?”

Jared: “ha Ha you girls are so funny. I’m just eating this delicious subway sandwich. It only has 6 grams of fat, 0 calories and 0 taste! It’s like i’m so cool again!”

Slut #2: “Dayumn boy, you suck more dick then I do, don’t you?”

Jared: “girls, girls, please. I’m trying to enjoy my dinner and not about my sexual preferences.”

Suddenly the manager of subway walks over to Jared.

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, but your credit card was rejected. Apparently you went bankrupt from buying all our sandwiches. Were going to have to ask you to leave.”

Jared: “But…but…I’m your best customer…how can you do this to me!” He busts out in tears. “God please don’t let me die! I want my mommy! I LOVE YOU SUBWAY!”

Subway security is called over by the manager and the security guys tackle Jared. Jared wiggles while crying “SUBWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY” at the top of his lungs and he gets thrown out onto the streets. The security people throw a sandwich full of shit at him and it hits him in the face. He just continues crying. The sluts come outside.

Slut #1: “Well hot shit, you might as well come home with us”

Jared: “Is there a subway near by? PLEASE TELL ME! I DON’T WANNA GO FAT AGAIN! SUBWAY HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!”

Slut #2: We’ll show you a REAL subway!”

They take Jared to there crack shack and show him there “subway” all night long. A few months go by and Jared ends up a crack head and alcoholic who weighs 524 pounds and has 2 wives who are the biggest sluts. One day when he’s actually sober and not beatin his bitches, he talks to his wives.

Jared: “I wanna go and see subway. get me mah ramp”

The girls put a ramp up to the couch he’s laying on. He just rolls off the couch onto a stretcher on the floor. The bitches then pick his heavy ass up and walk on over to subway. They roll him inside. Security tries to stop him but he just rolls them over. He then gargles all the food in the store, including the employees.

Jared: “Mhhmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmHhhhhhmmmmmmHhmmmm” Munch Munch Munch.

Jared became the subway robber until all subways went bankrupt. he then was arrested and rolled into the ocean where he can float to another far way country…like Canada. The 2 bitches fucked some more guys, then fucked women and each other. They retired at age 101 when they finally died. Subway went out of business because everyone was afraid of “the roller” (Jared’s criminal nickname” robbing them. The manager of subway who asked jared to leave was eaten and put in Jared’s stomach and slowly but painfully died of the digestion acid in Jared’s stomach. She was released from this hellhole through a hole in the form, of a brown substance. The person who wrote this story clicked the send button so it could be put on Squackle. The fuckin end.

 

Squackle Guestbook #20554

Jared www.subway.com 16/Jul/2002:15:17:16
Hi, I’m Jared, the guy who lost all the fat on the Subway Diet. Just to
let you know, when I eat a subway sandwich, I dream it’s a huge dick
going into my mouth. It really turns me on. Thats why I masterbate
after every commercial, how’d you think I lost so much weight? I did a
lot of excersise with my right hand and it took about a month to put
off 200 pounds. Of course I had a lot of hand cramps, but it was all
worth it. Thats the truth behind the Subway diet.

Jared
Subway – Eat Shit!
Holmes Rules!