“Hey boys! Its not Mike Tyson time!”
“Hey boys! Its not Mike Tyson time!”
luthien – v. to bitchslap Mike Tyson
Q: How come Mike Tyson’s eyes water during sex?
Q: What has four legs and no ears?
A: Mike Tyson’s dog.
Mike Tyson is standing in a kitchen with his rotisserie machine thing in front of him.
Mike Tyson: Hi there people…I saw that Son of a Bitch George Foreman getting rich off that lean mean thingie…so here I am making my new product. It’s my Mean Bean Rotisserie Machine Grill. This thing will cook anything you want. Here’s a loyal customer.
A guy walks over to where Mike Tyson is standing and he looks over to the camera.
Guy: THIS MACHINE GAVE ME THIRD DEGREE BURNS ON MY PENIS! I FUCKIN HATE IT! DON’T BUY I-”
Mike Tyson jumps ontop of the guy as they both fall behind the kitchen counter.
Mike Tyson: GROOAR!!!!!
(The squackle technical difficulties screen appears)
The scene comes back to the guy and Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson has blood all over his mouth and a smile on his face. The guy has a chunk of his ear missing and his face is white and he’s scared as hell.
Guy: Oh yeah…I love this machine……..it’s….it’s so great…..I love it…..Oh boy……….thumbs up!….please don’t hurt me!
Mike Tyson kicks the guy in the ass out of the kitchen.
Mike Tyson: Watch as I Rotisserie this piece of meat!
Mike Tyson takes the ear and sticks it in the machine.
(5 Hours later)
Mike Tyson: Ok it’s just about done…no wait it isn;t…
(3 Hours and 34 minutes later)
Mike Tyson is scratching his balls…
Mike Tyson: GET THAT FUCKIN CAMERA OUT OF HERE!
(2 hours and 64 minutes later)
Mike Tyson: Ok it’s done…
Mike Tyson takes the ear out the machine….the ear is burnt and it looks like a pile of ashes. Mike Tyson eats the “ear”
Mike Tyson: Mmmmm so delicious…..I want more!
He looks at the camera and smiles and jumps at the camera.
Mike Tyson: GROAR!!!!!!
(technical difficulties screen flashes…..again……)
Announcer: Call 1-800000- EAR to ORDER!!
– A badger is in your pants. Those mofo’s have sharp claws.
– On stage naked when you have to urinate. People could lose their careers this way.
– Bitchslapping Mike Tyson…cover your ears!
– Having a pencil up your ass
– Standing in a pile of hippo crap. You’ve seen how much they eat. Can you imagine standing in the crap of an animal who eats aobut 400 pounds of food a day.
– If you’re a guy. Never walk into a gay bar with no pants. Some people don’t wait until they get home.
– Don’t wear butt tight pants when you go to the beach. When you have a stiffy, people are gonna know.
– Making love to a gorilla. Some of those animls weigh 2000 pounds.
– Doing doggy style to a dog. Think where that thing has been.
– Bending over in a Prison Shower Room…Welcome to Anal Penetration 101, your going to feel like your shitting backwards.
– In a Port-o-potty while it’s rolling down a hill…the toilet is going to be shitting on you
– Drinking Coca-Cola in a Pepsi plant…HOW COULD YOU!
By The typical Aussie bloke:
– Taking a shit in a really old outback dunnycan that hasn’t been washed in 50 years. Imagine all the crabs on the dunny seat and the crusty shit stains ewwwwwww!!!
– Being tackled by John Hopoate during a Rugby League footy match. You know what John (BROWN FINGERS) Hopoate likes to do to footy players on the opposite team, especially when they are wearing really stubby footy shorts!
– Being a beer swilling yobbo at a local pub that has no beer. Yobbos can’t survive without beer!
– Thrown in a prison cell with nothing but a “Richie Benaud’s Autobiography” book. Now THAT’s boring!
– Being a little Aussie kid chanting “USA! USA! USA!” at the Melborune AFL Aussie Rules footy match. I guess the kid has been watching too much Simpsons episodes and doesn’t know that the Australian chant is “Aussie Aussie Aussie!!! Oi Oi Oi!!!”
– Some bastard pulling a prank on you by putting dark gooey shit to an empty Vegemite jar and passing it off to you as Vegemite. When you spread it on toast and eat it you’ll be chucking up in the dunny.
– Being the janitor cleaning a passenger jet after a shitfaced footy team has been on it. When a footy team gets pissed on a few slabs of VB, they will not care where they decide to hang a piss so there will be urine flowing down the aisle of the plane.
– Getting smacked hard in the K-nackers with a cricket ball when playing cricket with your mates. OWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL that would hurt!!!!! Cricket balls are SOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!
– Having a wedgy up your bumcrack while you’re in the bloke’s change room. All the blokes would think you’re wearing a G-string.
– Some bugger filling the tray of your Holden Kingswood ute with polyfiller. You won’t be able to transport any beer slabs or your pisstank yobbo pub mates around.