Bizarro Facebook #23044: Lucky Trucky

The owner of a fan page on Facebook for a local fast food joint’s breakfast burrito is currently having a meltdown.  Instead of the page being about Breakfast Burritos, it is now about lifted Ford trucks, but still retains the Breakfast Burrito name.

Here are some select pieces observed that are worth preserving.

 

The Asinine Boyfriend Expectations List Breakdown

This entry is part 10 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I found this ridiculously asinine list of apparent requirements that some random stupid girl threw up on her dating profile.  Since it was so terrible, I decided to break down each line of it.  It should be noted that this was found on a not-very-attractive “high skool” math teacher’s page.  I doubt she actually wrote it, but who knows with these things.

The original image is attached at the bottom of the post.

I want a boyfriend who:

– “Isn’t going to call other girls cute.”

Wow, how paranoid and/or low self-esteem do you have to be to actually put a stranglehold on whoever you consider to be your actual boyfriend to restrict them from ever calling another girl “cute.”  Wow.  CUTE is the barrier?  A 10 year old could be construed as “cute” — is this person going to become super jealous if that happens?  I assume the obvious point of stating this to begin with is that they don’t want their theoretical boyfriend to look at other girls, but the catch-all low-standard requirement just seems like a good way to be controlling of said boyfriend rather than being more afraid about having them, at worst, cheat on you.

“Isn’t going to like other girl’s facebook photo.”

Despite the terrible grammar, that this is #2 on the list absolutely boggles the mind.  Note that half of this world is made up of women, and most people in this world at least know one person that is a girl that they might be a Facebook friend with.  I would guess that simply being a Facebook friend with a girl is an infinitely more expressive notion to having some sort of infidelity going on with friends that are girls you might have, let alone liking some stupid fucking picture.  It’s okay to have cyber sex in private messages and talk about how many handjobs you would give in 30 minutes, but if you’re liking a photo, HOLY SHIT WATCH OUT, THE GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO SMOTHER YOU WITH THAT PILLOW WHILE YOU SLEEP.

“Would text me good morning/goodnight texts :)”

Boring.  Every single fucking day?  Come on.  Don’t people have different sleeping schedules, anyway?  I would assume that someone who is this controlling would want to be with their boyfriend 100% of the time anyway so wishing for these texts are irrelevant in their very basic logical form.

– “Actually makes an attempt to spend a day with me.”

I like that “makes an attempt” is the standard.  I guess it excuses anyone from actually having to spend a full day with this idiot.

– “Doesn’t want to rush things and isn’t just after sex.”

I already feel like this person wants to be married after the prior requirements.  Who’s the real person rushing things?

– “I can be my complete self around.”

Because there are apparently multiple “selves” running around separated and once they are completed they shall combine into the Slime Lord, a hopelessly clingy and needy ultimate biological girlfriend that you don’t want.  And Slime Lord is apparently in an “around” shape.  I guess.

– “I can take silly pictures with.”

Isn’t that cute.  WHOOPS!  Let’s just take some silly pictures, girlfriend!  It’ll be lots of fun!  Never mind having any sort of commonalities in our interests or personalities.  Just as long as we can take silly pictures, it’s good!

– “I can play xbox with.”

Despite the fact that Xbox sucks because you have to pay an additional fee to access any online fees, this girl probably only likes to play Call of Duty or at best Halo.  Considering the rest of the list leaves no room for imagination in perhaps other types of games that might actually be more complex than “shoot the bad guyz” I could see this as a string of very painful experiences.  Most of the pain would come from split-screen multiplayer.  Yuck.

– “I can wrestle with.”

Wow.

– “I can cuddle with.”

Cuddling is less important than wrestling.

– “Respects me and my decisions.”

What this actually means is:  “Here’s my fucking list and if you don’t fucking like it you can go fuck yourself.”  I think I’d rather fuck myself, thank you very much!

Also, it might be a bit of irony that this is the last in her list.  I guess being able to wrestle and take silly pictures with someone is more important that having respect from a theoretical boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend who

 

Squacklecast Episode 14 – “An Eternity of Dog Food Commercials”

This entry is part 14 of 32 in the series The Squacklecast

Welcome to the “try-weekly” episode of the Squacklecast.  This week we talk about this super sappy and emotional dog food commercial that will make anyone have a tear come to their eye because they’ve been puking their guts out at how much it makes you sick:

Another thing, is that they’re preparing Mac and Cheese for this asshole hours before he even gets home.

Imagine getting out of your car one day, closing the door, and seeing a huge dog all of a sudden appear in front of you.

Mean Dog

OH SHIT!

Wouldn’t you like to live forever?  It would give you enough time to finish off all of the Star Trek series before passing onto the next world, after all.

If there’s one, two, or three movies you need to see before you die, it would be the 3 Ninjas series, with High Noon at Mega Mountain being the best.

It features a dangerous course full of fire built by a decrepit old man for his grandsons.  I think that constitutes as child endangerment.  Good thing he dies.  Whoops, spoiler.

Surf Ninjas was pretty awesome too.  Here’s the others we were talking about:

Santa’s Slay

Santa with Muscles

ThanksKilling

Next Squacklecast, we’ll talk about more movies on our Netflix queues…

What I learned from World of Warcraft is:  “You don’t have something until you have it.”  It’s a life lesson.  Or something.

Ras Al Ghul from Batman Begins became an eco-terrorist with his eternity of time to live.

Total Recall (the real one) foretells a time of three-titted babes on Mars.  I can’t wait to live there during my fifth lifetime.

Curiosity is just using Instagram filters to take its pictures of Mars.  Behold.

Before Instagram (aka before being cool):

Curiosity Taking a Picture of Mars

After Instagram (aka now its cool):

Curiosity Taking an Instagram of Mars

Facebook City?  Also known as Las Vegas…

Jonathan Frakes kind of overacts during his “Riker-focused” episodes in Star Trek.  Here’s a select few where he’s always trying to bang a chick, a job once reserved for a Captain, now given to the Second-in-Command.:

See you guys next month!!!  GET ITTTT???!?!?!?

 

Dungeon Overlord (Web) Review

Developer/Publisher: Night Owl Games || Overall: 8/10

If you ever thought of opening up your own dungeon in the pits of Hell (or maybe just your local uninhabited doomy-looking mountain overlooking villages to rape and pillage), Dungeon Overlord is your game.

Screw that Farmville crap.  It’s time to make some dungeons full of farms!  And sleeping areas for the illegals– I mean Goblin workers — and slave chambers for the wise Warlocks writing your scrolls of knowledge to research random things you didn’t think you need to use.  I can’t wait until I’m able to spend 20 million research tokens to get mastery over dragons — but I guess I’m getting ahead of myself since that’s about a year out.

So, instead of jumping ahead into the future, let’s start at the beginning.  It starts with a very strict tutorial.  Strict in the sense that if you don’t follow it, you will royally screw yourself, at least when you are starting to get into the game.  It is very strict during that whole phase, despite the fact you can “do other things” while doing the tutorial phase.  It can take a lot longer than you may be accustomed to actually “start a game” since you can end up screwing yourself if you are too impatient and look ahead to what quests you can do later on.  If you don’t do exactly what the game tells you for the first hours of the game, you essentially can become stuck unless you want to wait a day to get enough resources back to fix your “errors.”  You don’t go to the Overworld until you are level 10, which pretty much means the tutorial lasts until then.

Speaking of waiting, that is what most of the game is.  Everything happens in real-time and things literally take hours to accomplish.  Two hours here, two hours there, things add up.  This game was obviously made for people who can log in maybe once or twice a day, so if you’re expecting some sort of traditional game that you can consistently play for more than an hour in one sitting, you’re not getting it.  Dungeon Overlord is by no means the only game that propagates this style of gameplay, and if you’re a traditional gamer like I am, it can be sort of annoying having to come back and only being able to do about 5 minutes of playing at any given time.  The responsibilities you gain ramp up as you expand, so it feels like there’s more for you to do in any one visit to the game later on.

There are a ton of resources to gain.  The list of resources I could find are:

Food, Gold, Research, Experience, Leather, Iron, Crystal, Abyssal Mantle, Adamantite Ore, Deep Ochre, Dense Basalt, Diamond, Feldspar, Heart of the Earth, Mithril Ore, Moonstone, Primordial Earth, Primordial Fire, Primordial Ice, Primordial Water, Quicksilver, Ruby, Shallow Mantle, Adamantite Ingot, Ashen Stone, Cold Iron Ingot, Crystite, Dense Iron Ingot, Goblin Twine, Mana Spark, Mithril Ingot, Reinforced Leather, True Silver Ingot, Prismatic Glass, Whirling Gizmos, Steel Ingot, Explosive Grog, and maybe more?

Why are there so many resources?  I don’t know.  What basis of the decision is there behind adding more resources?  I’m not exactly sure, but each different room requires some of these unique resources to upgrade.  Crafted Resources (included in the list) are more complex, because they are made by combining basic resources.  It also seems like they can just add more whenever they want, but it’s not like they’d announce that kind of stuff as far as I can see.  I don’t even know how I collect half the resources I DO have in my storage spaces right now.  I also don’t know what benefit diamonds have over rubies or pig iron other than making cars is better with diamonds.  In fact, there are so many resources, it could be kind of confusing trying to figure out why you have them in the first place.  I don’t exactly understand how experience is earned other than quests, but I seem to get it anyway, much like other resources I randomly have or get.  You get experience just from upgrading your rooms, apparently, even though that isn’t too plainly spelled out for you in-game.  I’m about a week or two into the game, and the overall point of gold is to seemingly pay off your servants for the handjobs they give you.  You can have as much as you want without any limits to it, and the only way to spend it on any resources you DO need, like Iron or Crystal, is via a hidden menu item in the Overworld where you can buy resources people post for sale.  Once you’re able to get to a second dungeon, it increases your resource acquisition by a bit as well.

When you expand to your other dungeons, they work independently of your original one, and you have to ship goods to and from the new dungeon, such as workers, resources, and furniture.  It is easy to run out of space in your starter dungeon, so you do need to expand to get more tiles.  But of course, you can buy more tiles for your home dungeon!

Games like Dungeon Overlord are free to play, but they thrive on arbitrarily creating quality of life issues, such as waiting three hours for an upgrade, so that you can pay with Facebook Credits to temporarily alleviate any concerns you may have while playing.  This game isn’t SO bad in this regard, as you can definitely get by without spending one red cent, but there are many many “opportunities” built into the game to spend your Dungeon Marks (which are the in-game currency converted from Facebook Credits).  Using any of these boosts or upgrades gives you a huge advantage over players that do not use the same boosts, and that is probably the point.  To me, it seems like the only “useful” upgrades are permanent ones.  Paying money for temporary boosts and fast upgrades is not cost effective at all, and you’ll end up spending a lot of money without realizing it, not to mention forgetting to or not being able to fully use the capabilities of those boosts at all times.

The things you actually pay for are things like resource boosts, upgrade completions (at different rates, as well), more tiles to build stuff on, immunity from raids, other stuff like that.  You’re not going to find much that is useful below 5 marks, and most of the upgrades and boosts are time-based and temporary, or only apply to the current dungeon you are in, allowing you to purchase those same permanent increases in your other dungeons as well.  The current conversion of Facebook Credits is 20 for $1.99.  That comes out to about 10 cents per credit, but you get an extra 10-15% extra dungeon marks depending on how much you redeem in-game.

The User Interface is okay, but it can be sort of lacking in regards to trying to figure out how many Dungeon Marks you have — scratch that.  While I was playing, they upgraded the game to plainly show how many Dungeon Marks you have, not to mention another handy “buy” button to refill up your marks.  As a reviewer playing this game, I got 300 marks to play around with, and I easily spent 105 while being super conservative.  Anywho, back to the user interface, the miscellaneous amount of information that you might want to look up are in places you probably wouldn’t intuitively think they should be in, but if you click around enough you eventually do find what you need.  There is also a huge “invite friend” toolbar at the bottom that takes up a huge amount of your screen, which I do not like.  They might as well make that toolbar an “announce you are an idiot” toolbar, cause I ain’t using it either way.

The Overworld is an interesting place, as each player resides in their own mountain, along with four other players.  Each player is able to potentially expand into the rest of the mountain, and if you wanted to, attack your neighbor’s dungeons as well.  There is quite a lot of real estate available in each mountain, and depending on how active your neighbors are, you might even have the whole thing to yourself.  Raiding is just another way to gain resources, and can only be done in the Overworld screen.  The raids on other dungeons and towns are passive (meaning all you need to do is wait for it to happen and then it does), and they usually require a certain amount of minions.  You use orcs to raid, initially, and eventually use other units such as Thieves, Warlocks, Dark Elves, etc etc etc.  Once a battle is over, you can “watch” the battle as it happened, but it is basically just your minions going in and moving very slowly until they find something to whack and then I guess the goal of your minions is to get to the vault, steal gold and other resources, and then leave.  There is no destruction of any rooms or anything like that.  Raiding is useful because some resources are only gained by raiding, such as leather.  The world map actually has many different zones and other villages around your mountain.

For some reason, the keyboard does not work when you are in full screen mode.  Don’t ask me why, but that’s annoying when you’re trying to rename something into your favorite rapper.  When you start out the game, annoying “share” pop-ups appear every other quest, which takes you out of the game so you can tell your friends how much fun you’re having placing a jewel box in your vault.  It tapers off after the Tutorial quests complete, but occasionally you still see them.  I can understand that they want you to share with your friends, but it really breaks up the experience by tossing you out of the game (especially if you’re in full screen mode) to do so.  It should be integrated into the game, if anything.  In fact, the invite friend bar should be used for this purpose.  I’d actually prefer that this didn’t happen at all, but thems the bricks, I suppose.  The constant badgering of telling you to share stuff with your friends is almost a game breaker for me, and I probably would have stopped playing if it weren’t for the fact that I was going to write something about it.

There is a lot of noise pollution created by this game.  Sound effects are constantly going, and doesn’t seem to have had much design intent involved as to when you hear most of the sounds going on.  They are just on an endless loop.  There is music, which you can mute independently.  You can also mute everything, but there is no way to mute ONLY sound effects if you felt like you wanted to listen to the music in the game.  I guess I should be thankful that the game remembers you keep the sound on mute.

The graphics in the game are reminiscent of Roller Coaster Tycoon, a game about ten years old.  It’s not exactly something I missed, but I guess its nice to see that quality of art again in a new game.  It has a sense of humor, which is nice, as well, but that’s only if you care to read anything the quests say, and some of the nuances in the things your decorations do on your rooms.  The game can “improve” or “change” at any time, as well.  Earlier when I was playing the game, I was going to make note of terrible use of screen real estate with the friend invite bar that is so usefully (/sarcasm) placed at the bottom of the screen at all times, and not knowing how many Dungeon Marks you actually have, but it was updated literally the next day and alleviated that “issue.”  But that doesn’t mean that every version change is a good thing.  The new version I had been playing made me freeze on the loading screens between different areas, resulting in it taking for-fucking-ever.  When stuff like that happens, I guess you just have to wait until they fix it since they can potentially update it at any time without letting you know.  In this case, the freezing issue was fixed by the next day.

Gameplay issues come mostly in the form of the intentional gating to artificially inflate the time one can spend on the game. For instance, you can only upgrade one thing at a time.  Though, this provides a challenge in and of itself in the form of using time as a resource — what should you waste more time on to upgrade first and what will be more useful.  It is easy to run out of tiles to build rooms on, and there is a hard cap for each dungeon — you just have to pay for the last 50.  Research costs will grow exponentially, meaning you will have less and less times where you’re going to actually have enough research to get new features in the game.  It would also be more convenient to be able to “request” supplies from your main dungeon rather than having to go your main dungeon and move supplies to your expansion dungeons each time you need something.

There is no “end” to this game, and that is good and bad thing.  Good, because well, you can keep playing until you don’t want to, and bad because of how much money you might actually sink into the game.  It is so easy to spend Dungeon Marks on temporary benefits, that it is quite scary.  I also see the boasting of the game being a “massively multiplayer” game as a buzz word to get drawn in to initially playing.  It is simply multiplayer with many people having persistent locations for their dungeons.  There isn’t much of a way to tell if these other players are actually playing consistently or as much as you, other than checking out what level they are.

Whether or not the game is fun, I guess you could say it is.  There is some sort of satisfaction in seeing your progress and upgrading of your dungeons as time goes on, and acquiring a massive amount of resources also has some weird pleasure factor involved, even if I don’t understand the intricacies of every single mechanic.  If you like this sort of drop-in-a-bucket gameplay that Dungeon Overlord has to offer, then you should give it a try.

If you have a Facebook account, you can check it out here.

 

Pawn Stars (Web) Review

Developer: ??? | Publisher: History Channel || || Overall: Good

Ever want to own a pawn shop? What do you mean no? Why are you walking away? Come on, you know you want to! Before I delve into this Pawn Stars Facebook game review, I’m going to give a brief summary of the show that it’s based on:

Rick Harrison, his “Old Man” (I don’t think he has a name), his son Corey aka “Big Hoss,” and a friendly, simple man named Chumlee star in a History Channel show about a pawn shop that operates in Las Vegas. The show features staged presentations of people trying to sell their antiques for various reasons. Nine times out of ten, the person is completely ripped off by Rick, who pretends that the item they’re trying to sell is only attractive to a limited market, only to turn around to the camera and remark that he already has three potential buyers for it.

Now that you know the skinny about the show, let’s talk about the game.

You start out by naming your pawn shop and choosing the person who will be behind the counter. At level 1 you’re limited to just the free workers, who are good enough at this point. They each have three stat bars that show their expertise: Knowledge, Happiness, and Selling. These stats can make a big difference when it comes to making money, as they are all important when it comes to the pawn biz. They also have different categories that they are especially knowledgeable in. I personally chose “Al” who mysteriously looks like Al Roker and appears to have his same charm and wit. After all is said and done you start to actually play the game.

This is where the hardcore pawn (oops, that’s a different show) business starts, but at least you have the gang from the show to help you out! Well, they don’t really help. They just pop up occasionally and make faces at you. Anyway, you should already have a few customers waiting in line. A preview of the items they want to sell you appears over their heads, along with bars that indicate their current moods. The longer they wait, the more their moods go down. The Happiness stat on your worker also affects this. When you decide who you want to deal with, simply click on them.

The haggle screen is pretty simple. The person offers what they think the item is worth and you can either counter-offer, accept their offer, or refuse the item altogether, which makes the person leave your shop. On this screen you can also have the item appraised for $200 if you think you may be able to con the guy into giving you a lot less than it’s worth like Rick does on the show. The final choice on this screen is to pray to the pawn shop gods and automatically receive wisdom on the item in question. This costs money, though. The gods have to make a living too.

After buying something you can proudly display it on your shelf or table and wait for someone to make an offer. The time you have to wait for an offer increases the higher the item is worth. Hopefully after the time elapses, the offer made is higher than what you paid for it. If it is, sell it! If it isn’t, you can either cut your losses and get rid of it anyway or wait for the next offer, which could be higher or lower, no telling.

Occasionally someone will bring in a broken item. You can buy these “restoration” pieces and either try to restore them, or break them down for parts to use on other restorations. Restorations can be a long and expensive journey, as some items have several stages of fixing up that cost valuable time, money, and parts. There is a nice selection of ways to fix things up, however, so you can customize things to your liking, whether it makes you money or not.

Too much buying and selling, you say? You also have the option to decorate your shop with various items, some of which have benefits like increasing happiness of customers, decreasing time to wait for a customer, etc. Some of these cost money, some cost “candies.” This is where Facebook rears its ugly head and tries to get you to pay real money for fake Facebook credits so you can buy more candy. If you’re not willing to do that, then it is going to take a long time to earn enough candies to buy anything.

All in all, the Pawn Stars Facebook game is a very addictive, fun little time waster. If you want to be like Rick Harrison, put on a hundred or so pounds and wear a tacky polo shirt with no undershirt. But if you want to own a pawn shop, play this game and see if you have what it takes to make a living off of other peoples’ ignorance and gullibility!

If you have a Facebook account, you can play Pawn Stars here.

 

Bizarro Facebook #21979: The Adventures of Jelli

So, on Saturday, November 5, 2011, I get an add request from some random girl named Jelli.  I don’t know who she is, never seen her before. Mind you, the picture I see is of a “white” girl… not a hint of Filipino that I can see…and yet…

The following conversation takes place:

davepoobond: do i know you?

Jelli: nope im just tryin to add you

Jelli: its up to you if you want to accept,im not forcing you..

davepoobond: well its fine, i just dont know if i know you is all 😛

Jelli: ok thanks

davepoobond: so what made you want to be my friend

Jelli: i want you to be my friend

(I’m thinking: OKAY, WTF??)

davepoobond: oh ok

Jelli: where you from?and how old are you?

davepoobond: I’m from la county originally. I live in orange county now… how about you

Jelli: im from los angeles,but now im here in philippines

davepoobond: Oh ok

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: What made you move out there

Jelli: visiting my aunt

Jelli: i want you to know im half filipino

Jelli: you there?

davepoobond: Oh that’s cool

8 hours later…

davepoobond: why do you want me to know that you’re half filipino

So, this girl sounds like she’s got a few screws loose.  And I check out her Facebook status updates and the comments she’s got…

On June 28

Jelli: hope she gets better i love you auntie…

Keith: What’s wrong with her?

Jelli: she have a sick,and she want to survive…

On July 14:

Jelli: aunt dont worry god always there for you and give you more life,hope you get well i love you so much…

On Sept 3:

Jelli: Creepy Guy Daniel (censored his name)

Creepy Guy Daniel: I’m unfamiliar with this kind of post. Am I supposed to do what?

On Sept 3:

Creepy Guy Daniel: Are you a Sagittarius also? I was born on the 30th November

Jelli: Nope i’m scorpio.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Oooh, that’s even better! Is it true that you are ruled by your high sexual drive?

Jelli: i dont know.

Jelli: you want to try?haha peace.

Creepy Guy Daniel: I would love to! And I would try very hard indeed! Just give me the go ahead Jelli!

Jelli: if you want to try at me,you travel here in philippines or you want buy me a chippes ticket to go back there in L.A.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Until just now, being kinda poor never seemed to bother me. All of a sudden though, I gotta say that money COULD buy some measure of happiness in this situation! LOL If I had the bucks, I would ahve you here in flash Jelli !

Jelli: ?

Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.

Roger: i`d walk there xxx

Jelli: Ok i understand its ok.

Creepy Guy Daniel: On water right? We can only hope!!

Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.

Jelli: hope u want to meet each other.

Creepy Guy Daniel: Want to join us?

Jelli: What you mean?

Creepy Guy Daniel: You said you hoped we would want to meet each other. I am assuming your interest is joining us when we do!

Jelli: Yea i want to meet but how im here in philippines.

On Sept 5:

Jelli: hELLo thErE…

Roger: hi doll i hope you are fine pity we cannot find us never for chatting i d like

On Sept 6:

Jelli: Hello there anyone to talk?

Rick: Good Morning how was your holiday weekend

Jelli: Verry sad and lonely.

Rick: Why so sad and lonely

On Sept 6:

Roger: Jilli Jill Jill whats cookin good lookin?

Jelli: Thanks

Jelli: Hello

Roger: what up jill

Jelli: Great,you?

Roger: oh just chillin when u coming ouy 2 tampa?

On Sept 6

Jelli: what happened i’m wondering.

Matthew: me too

Jelli: Why?

Matthew: cuz what happened lol?

On Sept 8

Kareem: lol can you not harass my friends?

On Oct 3

Jelli: i feel pain,i think its headache.;-(

Creepy Guy Daniel: I have 600mg Ibuprofen here. I wish I could five you one and make you feel better Jelli.

Adnor: Cuz I’m not with you woman!!we could fix that;)

Jelli: Thanks daniel.

Jelli: hELLo there…

Rick: hello how are you

Jelli: h!…i’m good i’m here in philippines almost 2weeks…

Rick: Are you having a good time

Jelli: what are you up to?

Jelli: i’m visiting to my aunt.

Rick: recovering from my operation.

Rick: how is she doing

Rick: are you going to live there or are you coming back

Jelli: hope ur fine,shes still not CTscan cuz financial proble,i’m coming back there by december.

Jelli: ????

Rick: I did not see you on here for a while and was thinking you stopped talking to me or left face book

Jelli: Still there?

Jelli: Still there?

Jelli: Still there?

Rick: I’m still here

Jelli: ????

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Jelli: Tell me the truth ok,what are you looking here on facebook?

Rick: I talk to old and new friends. I saw you said hi there and I didn’t know if you were talking to me so i didn’t want to be rude so I said hi back to you. You seem like a nice person to talk to. Is that ok to do

On Oct 22:

She updates her relationships status as single.

Louis: CANNT BELIVE UR SINGLE MUST HAVE BEEN A JERK

Jelli: huh,its up to you

On Oct 28:

Jelli: Always bussy for looking job,very tired.

On Oct 31:

Jelli: Happy holloween to all.

I also look at her other information… she apparently goes to UCLA. How dumb can you be and still get into there?

Her about info:
I am a cool, laid back, no drama, funny and fun girl who will rock your world! I love 2 try new things and will show some of my favorite! I love to be crazy and adventurous. If you think you can handle it.

Interested In: Men and Women

On Monday, she finally responds

Jelli: look at my pics.to know…

davepoobond: i cant look at your pictures

Jelli: huh really?

davepoobond: yeah it says that you dont share it with me

Jelli: but you see my profile pic.?

davepoobond: yeah

Jelli: so what you say?

davepoobond: what do i say about what

Jelli: to my pic.?

davepoobond: i dont really know, i cant tell what you really look like

Jelli: tell me the truth what are you looking for?

davepoobond: for what?

Jelli: are you single?

Jelli: i i want you to answer me if you are looking for relationship

davepoobond: yeah im single, sure im looking…

davepoobond: what are you on facebook for?

Jelli: me too im looking for serious relationship

Jelli: you there?

davepoobond: yeah

Jelli: sory to disturbing you

davepoobond: you’re not bugging me

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: so, why are you interested if i’m single or not

Jelli: im just asking

davepoobond: how old are you

Jelli: turning 23 this month

Jelli: you?

davepoobond: 25

Jelli: ok

Jelli: bussy

davepoobond: you are?

Jelli: nope

davepoobond: what time is it now in the phillipines

Jelli: 4:10am

davepoobond: wow how come you’re still up

Jelli: yea i cant sleep

Jelli: you talked other girl?

davepoobond: what other girl?

Jelli: i think your busy to other girl here on facebook

davepoobond: no, i’m not talking to another girl on facebook right now

davepoobond: so, what do you like to do in your spare time

Jelli: ok,honestly im looking for job here,for my financial

davepoobond: looking for job in the phillipines?

Jelli: yea

Jelli: you did not know im here in philippines now?

davepoobond: no, I didn’t

davepoobond: didn’t you say your aunt was sick?

Jelli: yea,thats the reason if i am here now

davepoobond: arent you coming back eventually? why are you trying to find a job

Jelli: cuz i need to fix my documents to imigration to get me back there in los angeles

davepoobond: what’s wrong with them

Jelli: my visa expired,i need to renew it

Jelli: spent my money for my aunt,cuz i really want to recover her

davepoobond: that sucks

Jelli: yea

Jelli: thats the reason if what im looking for job

davepoobond: where were you born?

Jelli: here in philippines i am not citezen there in L.A

davepoobond: didn’t you say you’re half Filipino? what’s your other half

Jelli: my aunt raised me when im 5yrs old my dad took me to los angeles

Jelli: my father white american

Jelli: my mom filipina

Jelli: hello

davepoobond: hi

Jelli: why you do not responds?tell me if you are bussy?

davepoobond: well i dont really know what to say

davepoobond: but

davepoobond: your dad being a citizen makes it so that you’re a citizen

Jelli: yea but i was born here in philippines

davepoobond: that doesnt matter if your dad is a citizen

davepoobond: that grants you citizenship

davepoobond: he needed to say you were his daughter when he took you when you were 5, or even now he can probably do it…

Jelli: yea cuz im a broken family 🙁

davepoobond: what do you mean

Jelli: my father left my mom

davepoobond: when did that happen

Jelli: when im 14yrs old

davepoobond: where is your mom

Jelli: here in philippines

davepoobond: where is your dad

Jelli: there in L.A

davepoobond: can’t he get you citizenship, since he is a citizen and is your father?

Jelli: yea i do not know to my father

davepoobond: didn’t you say he took you when you were 5, and stayed with you until you were 14?

Jelli: yea

davepoobond: how was he able to bring you to america?

Jelli: i do not know to my father,now my problem is to fix my visa to get back there

davepoobond: if your dad married your mom, she would be a citizen too before he had left her.

davepoobond: what kind of a visa is it

Jelli: residence visa

davepoobond: don’t you go to school at UCLA? why dont you get a student visa temporarily

Jelli: im stop schooling

davepoobond: how were you able to stay before you went to the phillipines

Jelli: to my father home

davepoobond: didn’t you say you didnt know your dad? how would you be able to live with him until right before you go to the phillipines?

Jelli: yea until right before i go here in the philippines

davepoobond: but you said you dont know him

Jelli: i did not told you that

davepoobond: you said it before, scroll up…

davepoobond: so anyway

davepoobond: you can talk to him and have him help you

davepoobond: get citizenship

davepoobond: since you’re his daughter

davepoobond: and he is a citizen

Jelli: i think i did not get you before

davepoobond: ok, so do you get me now?

Jelli: yea

Jelli: in los angeles i am at home with my dad

davepoobond: ok, so why cant he help you get back

Jelli: i email my dad earlier said he broke

davepoobond: how did you get enough money to fly to the phillipines

Jelli: my dad loans to travel here

Jelli: me here

davepoobond: cant he take more loan to get you back?

Jelli: he cant

davepoobond: doesnt he have a job? how does he afford rent? wouldnt getting his daughter back into america be important?

Jelli: i understand my dad,he finance with my sister and me,he finance food with my sister

davepoobond: can you make it so that i can see the rest of your pictures

Jelli: what you mean by that?

davepoobond: if i select the photos tab, it says “Jelli only shares some information with everyone. ”

davepoobond: and i cant see your pictures

Jelli: i will private

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: im private to my profile

Jelli: yea you cant see my pics.

davepoobond: but earlier you wanted me to look at your pictures

Jelli: yea i said earlier you see my profile pic.

davepoobond: so what do you want to talk about

Jelli: you what you want to talk?tell me?

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: anything you want

Jelli: can you open topic

davepoobond: what do you like to do in your spare time

Jelli: honestly im wondering if i am alone,when im on room im wondering how i do to get me back there in L.A

davepoobond: other than that

Jelli: i want go to church to pray my aunt and to my visa fix

davepoobond: what is your aunt sick with

Jelli: breast cancer

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: oh that sucks

Jelli: yea

Jelli: but i know god knows plan to my aunt

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: bussy?

davepoobond: no

Jelli: ok

davepoobond: so what did you do when you were in america

davepoobond: ???

Jelli: looking job again

davepoobond: did you ever have a job

Jelli: before im a cashier in mini mart

davepoobond: what kind of necklace is that in your picture

Jelli: tiffany silver

davepoobond: what kind of glasses do you have

Jelli: reading glass

davepoobond: what kind of earrings are those

Jelli: silver

Jelli: why you askin?

davepoobond: i dont know, why dont you talk about something

Jelli: i share to you,have a problem?

davepoobond: share what?

Jelli: share my prob.sory

davepoobond: what is your problem

Jelli: you know to my documents

davepoobond: what about them

Jelli: to fix it

Jelli: cuz i do not know how i get money to fix it

davepoobond: you just need to find a job

davepoobond: or do some freelance work for people

Jelli: yea but how?

davepoobond: what are you good at doing

Jelli: i dont know

davepoobond: cant you be a cashier

Jelli: im not

davepoobond: i know you’re not

davepoobond: but why can’t you do that in phillipines

Jelli: no hiring in cashier

Jelli: ???

davepoobond: what?

Jelli: you dont answer me

davepoobond: you didnt have a question?

davepoobond: what kind of soda do you like

Jelli: i dont like soda i like orange juice

davepoobond: why dont you like soda

Jelli: cuz have acid

davepoobond: orange juice is technically more acidic than soda

Jelli: nope

davepoobond: it has citric acid in it

Jelli: yea i know juice have acid,but soda acid and spirits right

davepoobond: well, soda has carbonation

Jelli: but with spirits

davepoobond: spirits?

davepoobond: you mean alcohol?

Jelli: yea got it

davepoobond: i mean your right alchohol

Jelli: soda doesnt have alcohol in it unless you put it in there

Jelli: i like gatorade

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: so what else can i ask you about?

Jelli: ask me then i answer

Jelli: im sleepy

davepoobond: have you ever had a pregnancy scare

Jelli: never

davepoobond: what is your cup size

Jelli: i dont want this topic

Jelli: im sleepy i need to rest

Jelli: thanks to your time

davepoobond: ok, see ya later

I looked up her profile picture on Google Images, and it ended up being a chick on some Spanish site who had nude pictures…. she was really hot, but the point being that it wasn’t the same person, obviously, so whatever “Jelli” actually looks like is unknown.

 

A “Liberbal” and Her Constituency / Fun Links Section

Hello whoever is reading this.  I got an idea for a section and its called Fun Links.  In Fun Links I will post a link to something and why I think its funny or worthwhile for posting.

This Fun Link comes from A.J. Bray who is a “liberbal” disability blogger, writer, and fashionphile in a wheelchair.  Recently she got some hate mail from someone trying to add her as a friend on Facebook, and so she decided to post her response to her admirer on her blog.

http://www.heelsnwheels.info/Funny-yet-Stupid-Hate-Mail-from-Bigot-17991536

Sometimes I’m glad that we have people who don’t know how to type.  They make up such wonderful words.

 

Facebook Message #21483: davepoobond -> Abegail

davepoobond gets a friend request from some random person named Abegail.  davepoobond sends a message to this person to figure out if he knows her (which he knows he doesn’t.)

davepoobond: do i know you?

Abegail: im sorry about ur ask im not do

And, not surprisingly, their profile was deleted since it was probably a spammer.

 

Making Some Headway on that Backlog I’ve Got

So I’m making some headway into the huge amount of backlog I have to put up on Squackle.

My progress the past couple months has been to separate each quote into its own post, type up the thousand or so jokes that were in joke books and in a word document file I’ve had since 2008, and posted some pictures from a used-to-be-fun-but-not-anymore-cause-no-one-uses-it-anymore Facebook app.

I’m probably still gonna be posting more jokes up.

Just to state what I “have” to put up, I’ve got:

The “Stuff to put on Squackle” folder on my desktop, about 3 gigs of unprocessed crap.

A drawer just for stuff I make day-to-day

At home, there’s a couple shoeboxes of pictures and a few folders of comics and shit I drew in high school.

and 5 or so years’ worth of submissions to sift through that’s sitting in my e-mail account.

And that about covers it.