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Squacklecast Episode 24 – “Starvenger Warman v R2-D2″

April 18th, 2015 Posted in Media, The Squacklecast | No Comments »

Hey all!  Welcome to Squackle.com: The Record of Human History.

Today on the Squacklecast we talk about:

Stripper stories and strip clubs.

Some random “funny-concept” games like Goat Simulator and I Am Bread.

We talk about the following trailers:

Ant-Man:

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:

Avengers:

Star Wars:

We talk about a long list of dealbreakers someone posted on their dating profile.

Some stuff about spiders and bugs, too.

See ya guys next time!

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Stupid Names for Days

April 10th, 2015 Posted in Lists, Other Junk | No Comments »

We all hear these funny plays off day’s names, and I always wonder why there is the need to elaborate or give meaning to a normal day of the week for an indefinite period of time.  So I decided to compile a list of all the dumb names we give to normal days of the week.  If you have others, leave a comment and I’ll add it to the list.

Sunday

  • Sunday Funday
  • “Pastime Day”: 3 Suns Ago Sunday
  • Lazy Sunday

Monday

  • “Pastime Day”: Previous Big Bang Monday
  • “Pastime Day”: Memory Monday

Tuesday

  • Taco Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Too Late Tuesday
  • “Pastime Day”: Take Me Back Tuesday

Wednesday

  • “Pastime Day”: We’re Kinda Late Wednesday
  • Hump Day

Thursday

  • “Pastime Day”: Throwback Thursday

Friday

  • “Pastime Day”: Flashback Friday
  • TGIF – Thank God It’s Friday / Thank Goodness It’s Friday

Saturday

  • “Pastime Day”: Old Saturday
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tovar

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Dictionary | No Comments »

tovar – v. to carry a large bag of frozen french fries on your shoulder while in the grocery store

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Odin Shops Supplies Commercial

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company | No Comments »

(Karen runs around the screen with her arms in the air.  She is clearly freaking out.)

Karen: O-M-G! O-M-G! Like, what am I totally like gonna like do?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Hey Karen!  Why are you flailing your arms around like a valley girl on a power drink?

Karen: Like, oh my gawwwwww–

(Scene cuts from Karen’s face to Johnathon Huxworthy’s and back again)

Karen: awwwwwwd!  I’m an art student, right?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Um, sure?

Karen: And like I totally forget I had a project due in like 10 minutes.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Well, that’s not problem, Karen!  Odin Shpos has lots of supplies so you can practically make it all right now!  Without leaving campus!

Karen: Great!  I’m going to need 5000 staples, 100 paper clips, a bag of rubber bands, and a glue stick.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Uhhh.. what are you making?

Karen: IT’S A SECRET I CAN’T TELL YOU!  REALLY, JOHNATHON!  YOU KNOW THESE THINGS ARE CONFIDENTIAL!  LIKE MY LOVE FOR HUNKY ANNOUNCER-TYPE MEN WITH DEEP VOICES.

Johnathon Huxworthy: That’s… nice.  I’m leaving now!

(end)

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Odin Shops Hat Commercial

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company | No Comments »

(Julia is hiding under a rock)

Johnathon Huxworthy: Hey Julia, why are you hiding under that rock?

Julia: Shhh!  The sun might hear me!

Johnathon Huxworthy: Which sun?

Julia: The big bright one that shoots those rays of light at my face!  That guy is so mean!

Johnathon Huxworthy: You know, Julia, if you wore a hat from Odin Shops you wouldn’t have to be afraid of the sun and get out from under that rock.

Julia: Wow… I never thought of that.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Obviously…

Julia: You know what else is kinda hot?

Johnathon Huxworthy: I haven’t the slightest —

Julia: You.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Oh… Kay…

Julia: I think there’s space underneath this rock for both of us.

Johnathon Huxworthy: Yeah, you see, I’m not into girls who hide under rocks.  See ya.

Julia: I feel so alone.

Sun: Hey Julia, I can keep you company.

(end)

 

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Odin Shops Web Site Commercial

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company | No Comments »

(Don is on a computer)

Johnathon Huxworthy:  Hey don, whatcha doin on that there computer?

Don: Playing minesweeper.

Johnathon Huxworthy: You know what you could be doing?

Don: No, what?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Going to Odinshops.com and buying lots of CSU Asgard gear!

Don: Why would I want to do that?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Because its easy and convenient and it has a great selection!

Don: Do you get paid for this?

Johnathon Huxworthy: Not yet.

(Johnathon Huxworthy looks at camera)

Johnathon Huxworthy: Pay me!!!!

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#23798: Dropbox Phil -> davepoobond

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

I was on Dropbox.com, looking at their Dropbox for Business which I think had just launched.   A chat window popped up all of a sudden…

Dropbox Phil: Hello, thank you for visiting. Can I clarify anything about how Dropbox for Business could fit into your organization?

(Please note that I will not be able to help with support questions via this chat)

davepoobond: are you real

Dropbox Phil: Yep! Were you looking to learn about Dropbox for Business?

davepoobond: haha, uhh well i was just looking at what you guys offered, since i hadn’t noticed it before

Dropbox Phil: Sure! Can you give me a little background on your team and how you’d be using Dropbox?

davepoobond: well, currently I have like 100 people involved in delivering large video files to us on a daily basis… so i guess this was something that could be used to supplement that if needed, but i’m definitely not really looking to replace our current solution since there’s multiple things i use it for

Dropbox Phil: Understood.

Thank you for contacting us.
Chat session disconnected.

He took a very long time to reply to me and then simply ended the conversation.  I was kinda stunned as I wasn’t expecting to just get dropped without even trying to be sold to.

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WoW Chat #23797: Janesanna -> davepoobond

April 6th, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Prank IMs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

In World of Warcraft, some gold seller/pet seller person was trying to shovel pets onto me, but I made the conversation into something else.

Janesanna: hey
davepoobond: hi
Janesanna: do you need cheap pet
davepoobond: sure, what are you selling
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: how much are you selling them for
Janesanna: i sell two pet , for 28K
davepoobond: i dont need any of those anymore, i already have them.
Janesanna: why
Janesanna: 14 sell one pet
Janesanna: do you need ?
Janesanna: To want what you choose
Janesanna: [Tuskarr Kite] [Rocket Chicken] [Dragon Kite]
Janesanna: [Hippogryph Hatchling]
davepoobond: i will buy them for 5k
Janesanna: ….
davepoobond: can i ask you a question?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: are you a girl?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: im a man
davepoobond: why not?
Janesanna: Have been to Thailand
davepoobond: you have?
Janesanna: im is transvestite
Janesanna: hah
davepoobond: oh, really? do you have boobs?
Janesanna: yeah
davepoobond: how big are they?
Janesanna: When bored, I can touch myself]
Janesanna: 36D
davepoobond: wow that is big
Janesanna: So I like to touch yourself
Janesanna: Do you want to go to Thailand
davepoobond: where do you live????
Janesanna: California region]
davepoobond: california in Thailand?
Janesanna: usa california
davepoobond: oh wow, where is that? I live in Thailand
Janesanna: you and me teh same
Janesanna: the same
davepoobond: how the same?
Janesanna: gender
davepoobond: no, i don’t have boobs. i want them, though
Janesanna: You buy a pet, I send photos to you]
davepoobond: are you hot?
Janesanna: The wet
davepoobond: is it raining?
Janesanna: pa pa pa
davepoobond: do you like pizza?
Janesanna: no
Janesanna: I like sausages
davepoobond: lol does that mean what i think it means
Janesanna: hmm
Janesanna: I’m off to sleep
davepoobond: ok have a good night. talk to you later

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WoW Chat #23795: Monkeygonewi -> davepoobond

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

I was trying to sell a couple of crappy pieces that people might like as transmogrification gear in World of Warcraft, and this guy whispers me.

Monkeygonewi: lol
davepoobond: what so funny
Monkeygonewi: no one buys those stuff
davepoobond: well those stuff is rares
davepoobond: you can tell by color
davepoobond: it green and blue, mean rare, no one has
Monkeygonewi: green is not rare
davepoobond: more rare than not
Monkeygonewi: and everyone uses epic or mythic gear
davepoobond: you no hear transmog? you out of style man
Monkeygonewi: lol
davepoobond: they add in cata
davepoobond: u play same game as i?
Monkeygonewi: no one is gonna pay that much for trans
davepoobond: i am trans

I sent one of the crappy green items I was trying to sell to him via mail with a COD price attached to it.   He rejected it and called me a retard, saying I was trying to take advantage of people.

I educated him on the free market and laissez faire, telling him the market would correct itself by just not having anyone buy the items from me.  He just kept calling me a jerk.  Certainly uncalled for.

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#23794: davepoobond -> clairebyoot

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

On Plenty of Fish…

davepoobond: Star Trek or Star Wars?

clairebyoot: Easy- Star Wars

davepoobond: Uh oh, I don’t know how easy that is! I like them both, but I’m more into the hard sci-fi rather than the fantasy sci-fi. What’s your favorite Star Wars character?

11 days later…

clairebyoot: Hmmmmm the Emperor and Darth Vader actually Darth Vader is my guy I’m sticking with that. Any you?

davepoobond: Original Trilogy would probably be Han Solo, prequel trilogy would be a tie between Jar Jar and Qui Gon. Jar Jar is hilarious to me because of his voice and everyone getting mad at him being a character. Do you have a favorite movie from the series?

clairebyoot: I hate jar jar deeply this will never work. Good luck on POF

davepoobond: lol :( it was a joke…

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WoW Chat #23793

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Lame Chat Rooms | No Comments »

In Guild Chat…

[G] davepoobond: LFR anyone?
[G] Phantomwhip: what sort of raid?
[G] davepoobond: i need all 3
[G] Ivvi: ill go
[G] Phantomwhip: im 6/7 heroic
[G] davepoobond: huh
[G] davepoobond: does that mean you want to go
[G] Phantomwhip: idk
[G] Phantomwhip: what are you doing
[G] davepoobond: LFR

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WoW Chat #23792: Doomshrooms -> davepoobond

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Prank IMs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

In General Chat on World of Warcraft:

[1] Doomshrooms: they balance the game for 100 not 90 bro
[1] davepoobond: ill balance you
[1] Doomshrooms: meet me in front of the garrisons
[1] Doomshrooms: fukboi
[1] davepoobond: for what
[1] davepoobond: u want buy [Exiled Dabbler’s Robe of the Sorcerer]? 1000g
[1] Doomshrooms: come get some nooblet
[1] Doomshrooms: talk shit get hit bro
[1] davepoobond: who are you talking to
[1] Doomshrooms: why are you scared of a video game
[1] davepoobond: im not, who is video game?

Then he whispers me…


Doomshrooms: come duel you said you will balance me
davepoobond: balance out, bro. take some weed
Doomshrooms: come on bro
Doomshrooms: talk shit get hit
davepoobond: hey bro
davepoobond: i dont know why you’re so angry
Doomshrooms: not angry
Doomshrooms: just ready to pounce on a fukboi smackin lips
davepoobond: sounds like it to me
Doomshrooms: waiting
davepoobond: k ill brt

I don’t leave from my garrison, so he just wastes time outside of his garrison for about a minute.

Doomshrooms: how are you scared inside of a video game
davepoobond: i role play a lot, do you role play too?
Doomshrooms: don’t flap your lips if you cant pick them up of the floor
davepoobond: my lips are of a normal size
davepoobond: and i dont like what you are implying
Doomshrooms: turbo shitter scared to duel, hide in your garrison
Doomshrooms: trade chat is safe
davepoobond: im outside bro where are you
davepoobond: you chicken out?

(I wasn’t outside)

Doomshrooms: you ain’t here nug

I was still inside my garrison. He invites me to a group and comes in to my garrison and starts a duel with me and I accept. I stay mounted and just let him shoot at me until he wins.

In party chat:

[P] Doomshrooms: your cool dude
[P] Doomshrooms: ss get wrekt
[P] davepoobond: u won
[P] Doomshrooms: shit ass pve gear
[P] davepoobond: hooray
[P] Doomshrooms: shit at pve shit at pvp
[P] Doomshrooms: why even play
[P] davepoobond: im a kingslayer, bro
[P] Doomshrooms: like you didn’t even kill imp till 2015
[P] Doomshrooms: why are you playing this game

He leaves party and I don’t say anything to him anymore.

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WoW Chat #23791: Majestical -> davepoobond

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

davepoobond was trying to sell some crafted Leatherworking items in Trade Chat for 6k, using a person’s materials other than one item.

Majestical: So… 9k gold and the person’s bloods? xD

davepoobond: and earths

davepoobond: but yeah

Majestical: Only due to the fact it takes max 12 days, do the Burnished Leathers have any value. That said, the essence itself that I just bought earlier, cost me only 14k gold. :P

davepoobond: yeah they do cause there’s only a limited amount of people who have 200 on hand

Majestical: I am saying, I bought an Essence off of AH for 14,000g.

davepoobond: ok?

Majestical: Which means, if you’re talking greater, maybe 18k.

davepoobond: nice

davepoobond: im charging 60g per leather, so if you have mats already you’re saving money

davepoobond: you dont have to buy bloods and earths, you can get them from the game

Majestical: Oh hell, I have over 200 Bloods. I also, have [Grand Master of All]. So not needing to worry about anything really.

davepoobond: if no one wants to pay the crafting cost then i lower the price

davepoobond: its simple economics

davepoobond: im trying to maximize my earnings

davepoobond: if i waste 5 minutes saying 6k then lower to 5k or 4k later its no risk

davepoobond: plus it gives me bargaining room

davepoobond: so if you want me to continue with economics lesson i can

Majestical: Lol…

Majestical: I understand economics far too well to be lectured by someone who clearly doesn’t understand knowing even simpler things, such as understanding your OWN economy. Thus why I have over 7 million gold, and you do not.

davepoobond: so what do you suggest i do, offer it in trade for at cost and then have someone haggle me below cost

He didn’t see the last message because he ignored me.

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WoW Chat #23790: Wafflehouse -> davepoobond

April 1st, 2015 Posted in Chat Logs, Prank IMs, Stupid IMs | No Comments »

After Wafflehouse killed me twice, 3 of the people I was grouped with caught Wafflehouse and killed him. I teabagged him as he was dead. Then he whispered me.

Wafflehouse: i already know u suck

davepoobond: who are you

Wafflehouse: the hunter that killed you twice

davepoobond: who?

davepoobond: i didnt kill you at all

Wafflehouse: I killed YOU

davepoobond: ???

davepoobond: why are you angry

davepoobond: you could have been one of us

davepoobond: you were the chosen one

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Words of Discouragement

March 25th, 2015 Posted in (C) Serious Poems, Poetry and Songs | No Comments »

I care about now

Not past

Not future

Ur sucking now

-~-

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