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Quote #24535

February 2nd, 2016 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“According to some lady named Jessica who has an office literally in the middle of a train station with no walls around her, we have won a $50,000 home makeover (cool!!) and a 7 day trip to any location in the United States (wow!!).

She works for a company named Direct Buy and I saved her phone number in the phone (under the name “Scammer”) in case we get another call from her company.  I asked her for a web site and what her full name was but she hung up on me :( :( :( :( :( :( :(  I am sure she will call back because this random selection process that she had told us about sounds like an amazingly legitimate prize.”

– davepoobond, e-mailing his co-workers after receiving a phone call from a scammer

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Quote #24499

January 15th, 2016 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

At work, I was getting a call from Crios.  I was letting the phone ring a little bit longer than usual because I as typing something.  Right before the last ring I picked it up.

Crios (screaming):  PICK UP THE PHONE, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!

davepoobond: Hi… how’s it going?

Crios: OH.  Sorry.  I wasn’t directing that at you, it was just a little road rage.

davepoobond: Oh, okay…

And then I helped him out with his issue.

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Quote #24394

November 13th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

I don’t want player.

No idea to tell you, you will know when you talk.

I’m no job. Not educate. No money. If you think you can take care of me then you can talk with me. Thank you:)”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24393

November 13th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“I really like your profile.  I think that we have many common interests.  I am good at Ping-pong, cooking fish and yoga.”

– a spam e-mail

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Squackle.com! Mottos

October 25th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

Mottos are needed when you want to boast about how good your site is.  Here’s a bunch of mottos and potential ad blurbs I thought up.  They may or may not be used at some point.

Mottos:

  • Squackle.com!  The Funniest Site on the Net!
  • Squackle.com!  Bitches Beware!
  • Squackle.com!  The Site That Saved the World!
  • Squackle.com!  Better Than Porn!
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, More Than One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Bringing You and Your Family Closer to Insanity
  • Squackle.com!  So Much Crap, So Little Time
  • Squackle.com!  70% of Our Visitors Probably Have Their Pants Around Their Ankles
  • Squackle.com!  We didn’t cut the fat!
  • Squackle.com!  One of the Funniest Sites on the Net (deprecated, but classic)
  • Squackle.com!  A Lot of Advantages
  • There’s a place for everything, even your mom, on Squackle.com

Ad Blurbs:

  • Hey, fag.  Go to Squackle! www.squackle.com
  • Jo MAMA lives in Bahrain! Buy the shirt at www.squackle.com
  • I screwed jo mama after she went to this site www.squackle.com
  • There’s naked pictures of your momma on the web. Go here to see them. www.squackle.com
  • ohh The Best Part of Wakin’ Up, is screwin your mom up the assssss! www.squackle.com
  • Hey, you.  Do something productive with your meaningless life and go to this meaningless site.  It’s funny!  Tell people about it, too.
  • Squackle <—— funny site.   Tell people about it.
  • Hey you!  Got nothing to do?  Go to this site, it’s funny, and there is funny stuff there, too!  Go as soon as you can, this shit is hi-frickin-larious.  Tell people about it, too!
  • Ain’t today pretty?  Pretty boring!  Wanna get un-bored?  Go to this site, it’s funny and well worth it to go.  So go now, and tell people about it, too!

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Quote #24311

October 13th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“If you’re reading this, you might be interested in our friend, Megan. We made this profile in secret to help her find the Right guy.”

– from a girl’s dating profile that isn’t actually hers

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Quote #24195

September 17th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“…my colon’s name is Anders.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24156

September 11th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“I have kik, IG, and shapchat.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24155

September 11th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“Not into the womanizer thing. Really.

Also don’t like baldies, losers and prison convicts.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24154

September 11th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“****************

no lewd sexual messages, no losers, no baldies, no bloated truck drivers, no gang members, no scary people

************

I am kind and sweet and decent.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24153

September 11th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“CHAAARRRRRGGGE! SMASH THEIR BALLS MORTAL STRIKE THEIR FORESKINS REND THIER BUM CRACK AND DUMP YOUR RAGE WITH WHIRLWIND POP YOUR TRINKET POP IT LIKE YOU POPED YOU COCK RECKLESSNESS AS YOU EXECUTE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS RAVAGER THEIR DICK HOLES SWEEPING STRIKE BLADESTORM OFF THEIR… GENITAAAAAAAALLLLS….”

– Tactialxtent, in World of Warcraft

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Quote #24114

September 6th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

I do expect you to open my door

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24115

September 6th, 2015 Posted in Quotes 1 Comment »

I wont sleep with you on the first date

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24111

September 5th, 2015 Posted in Quotes 1 Comment »

I’m a cool ass person

– from a girl’s dating profile

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Quote #24112

September 5th, 2015 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“Being a single mom is hard. Or so I hear. I wouldn’t know, I don’t have kids.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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