Category Archives: Stupid IMs

These are the Stupid IMs. They’re stupid, duh. 1 to 1 messaging.

#10436: davepoobond -> OmnipotentDragun

davepoobond: nerd

OmnipotentDragun: me?

davepoobond: yes

OmnipotentDragun: why’s that?

davepoobond: cuz ur in “Geneaolgy Chat”

OmnipotentDragun: ok . . . . .

OmnipotentDragun: so are you

davepoobond: so i can tell people like u that ur nerds

davepoobond: doyyyyyyy

OmnipotentDragun: Are you smart?

davepoobond: ….no……….wait……..yes…….wait…….is this a trick question?

OmnipotentDragun: Not that I know of

OmnipotentDragun: But we’ll just have to see where the conversation goes

davepoobond: down the potty

davepoobond: teehee

davepoobond: i said potty

davepoobond: thats a naughty word in the house

davepoobond: we’re not aloud to say that kinda word

davepoobond: like poo

davepoobond: or even the word chocolate

OmnipotentDragun: I’m willing to bet that you’re fairly old, atleast in comparison to the way you’re trying to come across as

davepoobond: did you just contradict yourself?

davepoobond: oops i said another bad word

davepoobond: try to guess which

OmnipotentDragun: yourself?

davepoobond: AGHH!

OmnipotentDragun: wrong?

davepoobond: no u guessed it right

davepoobond: semicolon dash D

davepoobond: using smilies is prohibited in this household

davepoobond: we have to type out what we want to say

OmnipotentDragun: and why’s that?

davepoobond: cuz smilies are the DEVIL

davepoobond: THE DEVIL I SAY

OmnipotentDragun: And what is god?

davepoobond: or at least thats what mamma said

OmnipotentDragun: no smiley faces?

davepoobond: no, there is this really funny site though

davepoobond: called www.squackle.com

davepoobond: thats God

OmnipotentDragun: Pardon me for not visiting, but bad things can come through web-sites nowadays

davepoobond: too bad…

davepoobond: its really a great place

OmnipotentDragun: Poor me

OmnipotentDragun: So, what’s the deffinition of a nerd/

OmnipotentDragun: ?

davepoobond: u may even be up there one day

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: mwah mwah

OmnipotentDragun: ?

davepoobond: u’ll never know cuz u’ll never go

davepoobond: ahhahahaha

OmnipotentDragun: ok

OmnipotentDragun: take care man

davepoobond: k bye

davepoobond: u takin off?

OmnipotentDragun: nah, I just thought you were out of things to say to try and freak me out

davepoobond: ha

davepoobond: thats funny

davepoobond: i havent even begun

davepoobond: give me a topic

OmnipotentDragun: it won’t work

OmnipotentDragun: so save your time

davepoobond: if i saved my time i’d have more time to bug u

OmnipotentDragun: if you saved your time, you’d have more time to spend reading

davepoobond: pfff

davepoobond: now i KNOW ur a nerd

davepoobond: i was right

OmnipotentDragun: The urge to learn makes me a nerd?

davepoobond: not exactly

davepoobond: but to say that i should spend my time reading

OmnipotentDragun: you should

davepoobond: and also using “urge” and “learn” in the same sentence

OmnipotentDragun: I have a vocation to consume and understand knowledge, better?

davepoobond: boy that took a while for you to cough up

davepoobond: i bet you made use of yer handy dandy electronic thesaurus/dictionary that you always keep by your side in dire times

OmnipotentDragun: Nah, I keep a knife on my side- the only reason it took so long is that I’m talknig to several other people at the moment

davepoobond: myow myow myow myow?

OmnipotentDragun: ok. . . . .

davepoobond: ok, then whiz kid, whats the most intellectual thing you know

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t suppose I know anyhting intellectual

davepoobond: sure you do

davepoobond: i know you know something smart

OmnipotentDragun: ok

davepoobond: better yet, who framed roger rabbit?

davepoobond: i still don’t know

OmnipotentDragun: the guy from back to the future

davepoobond: christopher lloyd?

OmnipotentDragun: the cartoon that pretended to be human

OmnipotentDragun: yeah, that dude

davepoobond: the guy that was in The Pagemaster, with Macauly Culkin?

davepoobond: the guy that was in Angels In the Outfield?

davepoobond: the guy that was in no good movie to speak of?

OmnipotentDragun: hehehe

OmnipotentDragun: that’s the one

davepoobond: oh yeah, you can just call him AL. no one can see him or hear him but you.

davepoobond: did you know THAT

OmnipotentDragun: . . . .

OmnipotentDragun: I remember it now that you mention it

OmnipotentDragun: why>?

davepoobond: cuz……………..mmmh….ANGELS WIN! ANGELS WIN!!

davepoobond: WHOOOOOOO

OmnipotentDragun: ok man

davepoobond: they actually did.

davepoobond: y’know

davepoobond: if u watch sports or listen to the news at all

davepoobond: when you’re not reading your books that is

OmnipotentDragun: I’m working now more than reading

davepoobond: y’know, get aware of the understanding of whats happening in the world

davepoobond: i bet you didnt even know that there’s been a killing spree in LA

OmnipotentDragun: ok . . . . .

davepoobond: or even that we’re on the brink of war AGAIN, with Iraq

OmnipotentDragun: Not to mention osama bin laden is still alive(like anyone cares)

davepoobond: how long did you have to put down ur book to read a newspaper for that one?

OmnipotentDragun: I work more than read anymore, or were you not listening?

davepoobond: yeah but when ur not working i meant

davepoobond: or were you not assuming that

davepoobond: obviously not

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t care much for most current events

OmnipotentDragun: They seem so trivial

davepoobond: aha….i knew it…

davepoobond: i know your kind

OmnipotentDragun: my kind?

davepoobond: youre the type of person that sits at home, and in his spare time, picks up a good book. not the bible, but something a bit more….interesting…

davepoobond: ah, but i’m not done explaining yet

OmnipotentDragun: Soothsayer

davepoobond: you have a few select, maybe 1 maybe less….maybe negative friends even. you probably dont waste your time or money on the sound systems. you have a tv, but you barely get any use out of it. all you do is sit in that lovely chair in your den, with your reading lamp

davepoobond: you’re a part of a book club. not a woman’s interest book club, but still a book club. you get together every thursday, at approximately 6:00, after work at the local retail book store.

davepoobond: maybe Costco

davepoobond: or some warehouse kind of store

davepoobond: or a large grocery store that tries to be like a Costco

davepoobond: anyway, your friend comes around every sunday, to play that “weekly chessmatch”

davepoobond: but you have 2 chessboards, one for your “chess by mail” friend

davepoobond: and one for you and your other friend

davepoobond: your friend probably speaks 3 languages, and has glasses on. he has a sort of a lisp

davepoobond: and an accent. its hard to understand him, so he just writes down what he wants to say, cuz he stutters when he speaks, and it’ll be less effort, cuz he’d rather “conserve his energy”

davepoobond: you probably smell, and don’t wear any deodorant, but just won’t get the hint from others at your job, because that would just be mean to say to one of your fellow employees that “you stink”

OmnipotentDragun: I have comprehension

davepoobond: ah yes, we all do

davepoobond: so, how much did i get right?

OmnipotentDragun: Almost none

davepoobond: ::snap::

davepoobond: ok, i’ve got the alternative lifestyle for you also…

davepoobond: what did i get right though?

OmnipotentDragun: picks up a good book. not the bible, but something a bit more….interesting…

davepoobond: no favortie chair in the den with your reading lamp?

davepoobond: it’s probably a couch with a regular lamp

OmnipotentDragun: I sit all over the place

OmnipotentDragun: You’d never be able to peg me

davepoobond: that was some good devolpment though wasn’t it

OmnipotentDragun: no

davepoobond: ….oh…

davepoobond: ok, lemme take another guess at it then

OmnipotentDragun: be quick

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t have all night

davepoobond: your a tough biker guy, you have a long brown beard, and piercings on your left ear.

davepoobond: you’ve got a chopper, 92

OmnipotentDragun: no. . . .right ear

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

davepoobond: heh….k…..

davepoobond: you’ve got a biker maid

davepoobond: the one that always rides on your bike

davepoobond: but is actually going out with some other biker in your biker gang

davepoobond: your biker gang is known as the “chain swingers”

davepoobond: cuz you swing around sacks of salami

davepoobond: one day, you see a car flying off the curb, and you and your biker gang, somehow end up being attacked by 3 marines in the mountain range, and one of them is claiming that your gang killed his wife

davepoobond: and they declare war on your biker gang

davepoobond: using all these military weaponry that they could never actually really possibly get

OmnipotentDragun: you can stop now

davepoobond: oh, have you seen that movie?

OmnipotentDragun: Would you like to know about me, instead of just stabbing in the dark?

davepoobond: sure

OmnipotentDragun: I’m 17, I work at the house I just recently purchased, I work out every night, I read to prep myself for college

davepoobond: thats it.

OmnipotentDragun: HA

OmnipotentDragun: I lied

OmnipotentDragun: MWA HA HA HA

OmnipotentDragun: ^ evil laugh

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

davepoobond: yeah it was hard to believe, cuz it sounded so normal

davepoobond: ha

davepoobond: MWAH

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

OmnipotentDragun: I really am 17

davepoobond: no bike gang legacy?

OmnipotentDragun: nah

OmnipotentDragun: not yet atleast

OmnipotentDragun: but who knows what my future holds

davepoobond: the people in the movie Hot Leather and something else i forgot (made in 1970) were only about 18 or so

davepoobond: it was really stupid crap

davepoobond: it was funny as hell though

davepoobond: oh wait, it was “Chrome and Hot Leather”

davepoobond: made in 1971

davepoobond: On a mission of vengeance, a man goes after the gang of motorcycle thugs who killed his fiancee.

OmnipotentDragun: sounds like a laugh riot

davepoobond: it really is

davepoobond: rent it

davepoobond: as much as i love to sit on my ass and doddle with you, i really must be going

davepoobond: mother wails for me to get off

OmnipotentDragun: how old are you?

OmnipotentDragun: honestly

davepoobond: a month away from 17

OmnipotentDragun: Why speak like an infant?

OmnipotentDragun: but if you must go

davepoobond: we can continue this later

OmnipotentDragun: if you wish

OmnipotentDragun: though that may be the beginning of another story, this is the end of ours for now- Dostoevsky

OmnipotentDragun: bye

davepoobond: yes. right. bye.

davepoobond: check out www.squackle.com though, its my web site

OmnipotentDragun: no virus’?

davepoobond: i promise there’s nothing bad on it

davepoobond: and its better than porn

davepoobond: πŸ˜€

OmnipotentDragun: LIE

OmnipotentDragun: NOTHING IS BETTER THAN PORN

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

OmnipotentDragun: later man

davepoobond: bye

davepoobond: who knows, maybe you can write stuff for me for the site

OmnipotentDragun: does it pay?

davepoobond: nah

OmnipotentDragun: Maybe so then

davepoobond: just for the fame and glory of having your stuff on a web site

OmnipotentDragun: Just so long as it doesn’t pay

davepoobond: and to tell your friends “hey look, that’s MY article/story/joke/dumb thing”

OmnipotentDragun: How about portrait of genitals?

OmnipotentDragun: Would that be acceptable?

davepoobond: depends on whos

davepoobond: yours?

OmnipotentDragun: good answer

OmnipotentDragun: doesn’t matter

davepoobond: if its funny lookin, ok

davepoobond: check out the Screwed Up Chronicles. thats actually the more “serious” part of the site

davepoobond: ok bye for good now bye

#10435: davepoobond -> DawgsDawgsDawgs

davepoobond: hi i have a dog

davepoobond: do you

DawgsDawgsDawgs: yep

davepoobond: really. do you have more than one dog?

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope..only 1

davepoobond: do you have THREE dogs

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope

DawgsDawgsDawgs: lol

davepoobond: cuz you have mispelled dogs three times in your screen name

DawgsDawgsDawgs: do u?

davepoobond: that offends me

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im sorry:-(

davepoobond: u better b

davepoobond: cuz i dont take lightly to assholes

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i am, promise

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im not an asshole

davepoobond: yes u are

davepoobond: i bet u r

davepoobond: cuz u say whut ur not

DawgsDawgsDawgs: am not

davepoobond: ya right

DawgsDawgsDawgs: fucker

davepoobond: HEY

davepoobond: watch ur LAQNAGE

davepoobond: ur profiles GAY

davepoobond: GAY GYA GYA GYA GAY

DawgsDawgsDawgs: sooooo, u got a point?

davepoobond: GAGAGAGAGAGAY

DawgsDawgsDawgs: besides tha fact u spelled gay wrong?

davepoobond: ur mom spelled gay wrong

davepoobond: ask her how to spell gay

davepoobond: i bet she’ll say “M E”

davepoobond: AHAHAHA

davepoobond: or maybe “Y O U”

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope

DawgsDawgsDawgs: sorry

davepoobond: star minus slash

davepoobond: *-/

DawgsDawgsDawgs: she’ll may b say….” d a v e p o o b o n d”

davepoobond: semicolon dash D

davepoobond: colon dash exclamation mark?

davepoobond: or maybe she’ll say “D O G S”

davepoobond: CUZ CATS RULEEEEEEEEE

davepoobond: I HATE DOGS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i do 2

davepoobond: DOGS ARE GAY CUZ THEY SNIFF EACH OTHER’S ASSSSSS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i dont like dogs..

davepoobond: sure sure

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i have 5 kats

DawgsDawgsDawgs: and no dogs

DawgsDawgsDawgs: y would i like dogs

davepoobond: cuz u have a sn doyyy

DawgsDawgsDawgs: it’s an inside joke b/t my friends

davepoobond: what friends

davepoobond: haahaha

DawgsDawgsDawgs: tha 1s i have and u dont

DawgsDawgsDawgs: hahaha, u got dissed

davepoobond: OK SO IS IT SUCH A CRIME TO NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS

davepoobond: I’M SORRY, ALL I DO IS TALK TO STRANGERS, TRYING TO BUILD MY PEOPLE SKILLS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: lol

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im sorry:-(

davepoobond: build me up buttercup

DawgsDawgsDawgs: πŸ˜€

davepoobond: i hope you know i was just bullshitting u the whole time

davepoobond: dogs arent really gay….

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i dont like em

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i think they r

davepoobond: but i do have to say that your profile is

davepoobond: πŸ˜€

DawgsDawgsDawgs: yeah, i kno

#10434: MariaGirl14 -> Holmes

MariaGirl14: sup, i am asking you to visit my web page =) please click here.

Holmes: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKIN WHORE PIECE OF SHIT

Auto response from MariaGirl14: Hi Holmes, I am currently away from my computer. If you want to talk, leave me a message. Meanwhile you can see my webcam right here, there might be a replay =)

Holmes: FUCKIN BITCH

Then she signed off.

#10429: stimpyismyname -> davepoobond

stimpyismyname: fart

davepoobond: queef

stimpyismyname: boof

davepoobond: ba-doop

stimpyismyname: ur mom

davepoobond: ='(

stimpyismyname: learn gamemaker

stimpyismyname: david

davepoobond: not nowww

stimpyismyname: why

davepoobond: downloadinnnn

stimpyismyname: what

davepoobond: stuff

stimpyismyname: oh yea?

stimpyismyname: burb

davepoobond: πŸ˜€

stimpyismyname: yep

davepoobond: buck futtah

#10427: Holmes -> davepoobond

Holmes: ….yeah

Holmes: hey

davepoobond: hi

Holmes: sup

davepoobond: not much, you

Holmes: not much, you

davepoobond: not much you

Holmes: not much you

davepoobond: much you not

Holmes: pot hunch poo

davepoobond: actually what i said about that insane midget guy

davepoobond: i’m not sure if it is anymore

Holmes: ….

davepoobond: if he is blowthetoad

Holmes: i forgot?

Holmes: oh

Holmes: i haven’t talked with him in a while

Holmes: is he disappeared?

davepoobond: he lost interest in you

davepoobond: i suppose

davepoobond: not me though

davepoobond: i’m mysterious, and suave

davepoobond: and all the ladies wanna get with me

Holmes: i’m 40 and still live with my mom and still get pimples and i am republican….whats wrong with me

davepoobond: everything

davepoobond: especially that republican part

davepoobond: brb gotta crap

Holmes: oh ok…

#10425: davepoobond -> Holmes

This entry is part 3 of 8 in the series blowthetoad Wants to Be a Poop Troop

davepoobond: yo

Holmes: sup

davepoobond: not much

davepoobond: the_insane_midget is definitely blowthetoad

davepoobond: isn’t that swell

Holmes: ugh

davepoobond: cuz he asked if he could join the “pooper troopers or whatever”

davepoobond: on “tpc”

davepoobond: i’ll give u the IM

davepoobond shows Holmes the following IM:

https://squackle.com/?p=10417

davepoobond: thats it

davepoobond: he’s such an idiot

davepoobond: he repeatedly keeps trying to join squackle under different names

davepoobond: i’ve got a joke for you

davepoobond: whats the longest word in the dictionary?

Holmes: dunno

davepoobond: smiles. because there’s a mile between the s’s

Holmes: ………

Holmes: you should be shot

davepoobond: =D

Holmes: Reversi

davepoobond: whoohoo

Holmes: i’ve beaten spock 3 times

davepoobond: geez, that computer is hard

davepoobond: not spock….easy

davepoobond: tamagatchi lol

davepoobond: eh do u have this IM

davepoobond: still

davepoobond: with the joke

Holmes: yes

davepoobond: can u send it to me

#10421: davepoobond -> Master Nyte Hawk

davepoobond: i’ve got a joke for you

davepoobond: whats the longest word in the dictionary?

Master Nyte Hawke: Hmmm

Master Nyte Hawke: most likely one I can not spell.

Master Nyte Hawke: I will do some research and let you knw M’friend.

davepoobond: …its a JOKE

davepoobond: smiles. because there’s a mile between the s’s

Master Nyte Hawke: ohh, and here I was pulling out my dictionary

LOL

Master Nyte Hawke: ohh thats cute

I like it

davepoobond: heh