When I first saw my wife, she turned my head with her looks. Now that we’re married, she turns my stomach with her cooking.
Tag Archives: wife
Joke #12355
Two husbands were sitting at the bar swapping complaints. “My wife can cook, but doesn’t,” sighed one man.
“Don’t feel bad,” replied the other husband. “My wife can’t cook, but does.”
Joke #12322
JUDGE: “Your wife says you beat her up every night. She claims you come home mad and hit her with rights and lefts. Is that true, Mr. Henkly?”
HENKLY: “Don’t believe her, Judge. She’s punch drunk.”
Joke #12129
A battered and bruised man told his lawyer, “Las night I came home late and my wife hit me with a baseball bat. After she finished hitting me, her four brothers took turns hitting me with the bat. Next, her mother hit me with the baseball bat. Is that legal?”
His lawyer thought a moment, then replied, “Yes and no. Yes, it’s legal for your wife to hit you, but no, it’s not legal to bring in so many pinch hitters.”
Joke #12084
REPORTER (to general): “What about this weapon you have? Can you tell us about it?”
GENERAL: “It’s the X-nine machine gun. it shoots a hundred rounds a minute, which is faster than my wife can talk.”
Joke #12068
I joined the WAVES because I didn’t want to be an ordinary housewife and what happened? I ended up peeling potatoes and scrubbing decks.
Joke #12044
HUSBAND: “I’m homesick.”
WIFE: “But, dear, you are home.”
HUSBAND: “I know, but I’m sick of it.”
Joke #12034
When I die, I’m going to leave my ex-wife everything I have. And all those bills will fix her wagon once and for all.
Joke #12029
My wife’s feet are killing me. They keep taking her to department store sales.
Joke #12025
HUSBAND: “No! You can’t have a credit card.”
WIFE: “Why not? Everyone has a charge account. It’s nothing new. Even the Light Brigade charged.”
Joke #12020
I wouldn’t object to my wife having the last word. But wouldn’t you think she’d get to it after fifteen years?
Joke #12019
My wife gives me twenty-four-hour lip service. Her mouth is never closed.
Joke #12018
I’m so henpecked, my wife won’t even let me talk in my sleep.
Joke #12013
My wife is out of this world. First she wanted separate baths, then separate bedrooms Now she wants separate houses.
Joke #12005
“Doctor, you put my wife on a sardine diet. For two months she ate nothing but sardines.”
“Did she lose weight?”
“Sure she lost weight, but now every time she takes a bath, she fills the tub with olive oil.”