NEWLYWED HUSBAND: “My doctor told me if I want to stay healthy, I’d better go on a long fast. He must know the way my wife cooks.”
Tag Archives: food
Joke #12361
My wife never has to wash dishes after dinner. Her cooking dissolves the china.
Joke #12357
When I first saw my wife, she turned my head with her looks. Now that we’re married, she turns my stomach with her cooking.
Joke #12355
Two husbands were sitting at the bar swapping complaints. “My wife can cook, but doesn’t,” sighed one man.
“Don’t feel bad,” replied the other husband. “My wife can’t cook, but does.”
Joke #12336
Prison isn’t all that bad. At least you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from.
Joke #12287
Hospitals take advantage of sick people. They make them eat food a healthy person would never touch.
Joke #12161
Did you hear about the Siamese twins who asked their waiter for separate checks?
Joke #12156
The main difference between professional and semi-pro football is the pregame training meals. Pro players get sirloin. Semi-pro players get hamburger.
Joke #12148
You can always tell a boring football game. The people in the stands get their hot dogs during the first and second quarters to they won’t miss any of the halftime.
political pie
political pie – n. sort of a plum pudding topped with applesauce
Joke #12090
A very wealthy young man was drafted into the Army. When he sat down to his first meal, he took one look at the food on his plate and asked, “Don’t I get any choice?”
The mess sergeant shouted, “Sure you do. Eat it or don’t eat it.”
Joke #12078
A soldier was back home after spending nine months in the Army. His mother asked, “How is the food in the Army?”
Her son replied, “Real bad, Mom. Why some times I could only go back for seconds.”
Joke #12074
An M.P. had just finished his meal in the mess hall when the mess sergeant asked him, “Have you tried the meatballs?”
The soldier answered, “Yeah! And I found them guilty.”
Joke #12051
MESS SGT: “Do me a favor, Weaver. Taste what’s in that pot over there.”
PVT WEAVER: “Yech! It tastes like dish water.”
MESS SGT: “Thanks! It must be the stew because the pea soup tastes like mud.”
Joke #12022
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.