A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house.
His sobbing wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone……..”
“Wait! Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”
A chameleon walked into a travel office.
“Where would you like to go?” asked the travel agent.
“No place in particular,” said the chameleon. “I’m just looking for a change.”
“My new movie was a bomb,” lamented the young actor.
“How do you know that?” asked his agent.
“I was in the theater at the premiere,” explained the actor, “and as soon as the audience saw the words, ‘The End,’ on the screen they applauded.”
ACTRESS: “My husband wants a divorce.”
AGENT: “What do you think you should do?”
ACTRESS: “I really don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist is away on a vacation.”
“I just got a role in a movie,” an actor said to his agent. “I play a hen-pecked husband married to a woman who lives with her mother and four teenaged daughters.”
“That’s nice,” said the agent. “But too bad it’s not a speaking part.”