WIFE: “Harry, did I hear the clock strike three when you came home last night?”
HARRY: “Yes, dear, you did. It was starting to strike eleven, but I stopped it to keep from waking you up.”
Joke #12374
A mailman rings the front door bell and a woman comes to the door.
“Is this your package?” he asks. “The name is obliterated.”
“No, it’s not mine,” she says. “My name is Fenwick!”
Joke #12373
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: “My doctor told me if I want to stay healthy, I’d better go on a long fast. He must know the way my wife cooks.”
Joke #12372
When I got married, my wife didn’t take me for better or worse. She took me for everything I had.
Joke #12371
You know your marriage is on the rocks when your spouse uses your marriage certificate to swat flies.
Joke #12370
Talk about lazy! My husband taught our poodle how to roller skate so he wouldn’t have to walk the dog.
Joke #12369
I just came back from a pleasure trip. I drove my mother-in-law to the airport.
Joke #12368
BACHELOR: “Mr. Smith, I want permission to marry your daughter.”
FATHER: “Before I give you my answer, I have to know one thing. Do you drink?”
BACHELOR: “Thanks, but business before pleasure.”
Joke #12367
When it comes to gossip, my wife is like a skilled surgeon. She’s always cutting people down to size.
Joke #12366
Two men met by the office water cooler. The first said, “I’m going to Yellowstone Park next week.”
The other man said, “That’s swell. Don’t forget to see Old Faithful.”
The first man took a sip of water and replied, “See it? I’m taking her with me.”
Joke #12365
My wife is what’s known as a clumsy confidant. Tell her a secret and she ends up spilling beans.
Joke #12364
LADY: “Did your daughter take it to heart when her fiancé asked for the engagement ring back?”
FATHER: “No. She took it to court.”
Joke #12363
If money talks, then my wife is Fort Knox.
Joke #12362
TILLIE: “Mary, are you still happily married to Tom?”
MARY: “No. Last year, a relationship that began with sentiment ended with a settlement.”
Joke #12361
My wife never has to wash dishes after dinner. Her cooking dissolves the china.