“I went to the track yesterday, and only one thing kept me from making a fast buck.”
“What was that?”
“A slow horse!”
Joke #12668
He’s the kind of fisherman who catches huge trout by the tale.
Joke #12667
Round eight was coming to a close when the prize fight manager shouted to his battered boxer, “Don’t give up now, Killer! You have a no-hitter going!”
Joke #12666
MOTHER WACKLY: “Did I tell you my son, Roger, is playing end guard on the college football team this year?”
NEIGHBOR: “End guard? I never heard of an end guard.”
MOTHER WACKLY: “Yes, he told me he sits on the end of the bench and guards the water bucket!”
Joke #12665
COLLEGE PROFESSOR (to dumb football player): “Look, Mike, I’ll give you an easy test. Let’s say I take 7 apples from 12 apples. What’s the difference?”
FOOTBALL PLAYER: “That’s what I say, Prof, what’s the difference?”
Joke #12664
A wrestler thought he was going nuts, so he went to see his psychiatrist.
The doctor told him, “You have to get a hold of yourself.”
The wrestler replied, “I do, that’s why I’m here.”
Joke #12663
Talk about rich. I know a tennis pro who’s so wealthy, he hires someone to jump over the net for him at the end of games.
Joke #12662
I get more exercise playing golf than tennis. There is more gear to break when I get mad.
Joke #12661
Isn’t it ironic that in 1979 the Professional Baseball Umpires decided to call their first strike?
Joke #12660
A baseball scout’s star discovery turned out to be a horse. Even though the team manager was skeptical, he gave the horse a tryout. The horse went up to the plate with a bat in his hooves and knocked every ball pitched to him out of the park. Then the manager put the horse in the outfield, and he caught every ball hit to him.
The manager was so impressed, he started the horse on opening day. In his first at bad in the first inning, the horse cracked a ball into the stands, but just stood at home plate. “Run, you dumb horse! Run!” screamed the manager.
“Run?” remarked the horse. “Are you nuts? If I could run, I wouldn’t be at the ball park — I’d be at the race track.”
Joke #12659
SPORTSCASTER: “It was a quiet afternoon in the National Football League today. Even though all the teams played, nothing exciting happened. Now, I’ll describe the action:
The Redskins scalped the Cowboys!
The Lions devoured the Saints!
The Vikings butchered the Dolphins!
The Chiefs massacred the Patriots!
The Falcons tore the Cardinals to shreds!
The Broncos trampled the Rams!
The Bears mauled the Buccaneers!
The Giants squashed the Packers!
The Jets shot down the Eagles!
And the Bengals chewed up the Colts!
As I said before, it was a quiet day in the N.F.L.”
Joke #12658
Did you read about the compulsive golfer who drove himself insane?
Joke #12657
BOXER: “I’m sure that I’m going to be lucky and win this fight.”
MANAGER: “How can you say that? You’ve been knocked out twenty-three times in twenty-three fights.”
BOXER: “I know, but I’m going to be lucky this time because I’m carrying a horseshoe in my glove.”
Joke #12656
Q: When does a major league umpire usually retire?
A: When his seeing-eye dog dies.
Joke #12655
Q: Who are the most despised football players?
A: The offensive team.