PATIENT: “Well, Doctor, you’ve examined me. Now tell me how do I stand?”
DOCTOR: “It puzzles me too.”
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #12292
The doctor’s waiting room was packed with patients. After about two hours of waiting and waiting, an old lady stood up and said, “Tell the doc I went home to die a natural death!”
Joke #12291
DERMATOLOGIST: “I think you have poison ivy.”
PATIENT: “Now that’s what I call a rash judgment.”
Joke #12290
Financial security to a dentist is being named the team dentist of an N.H.L. hockey team.
Joke #12289
Doctors have recently discovered that the major cause of headaches to men and women in the United States is marriage.
Joke #12288
Did you hear about the patient who was in the hospital so long that by the time they cured his illness, he was suffering from snow blindness?
Joke #12287
Hospitals take advantage of sick people. They make them eat food a healthy person would never touch.
Joke #12286
After hearing a patient’s complaint, the psychiatrist said, “You’ll just have to forget your imaginary illnesses. Try to devote yourself fully to your job. In fact, it might be a good idea if you lost yourself completely in your work.”
“It might not be such a good idea,” replied the patient. “I’m a deep sea diver.”
Joke #12285
PATIENT (on phone): “Doctor, I’ve decided to kill myself.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “Don’t do anything rash until you answer one question for me.”
PATIENT: “What’s that?”
PSYCHIATRIST: “Is your bill paid?”
Joke #12284
Did you hear about the android who went to see a psychiatrist? His friends told him he had a screw loose upstairs.
Joke #12283
“Seeing a psychiatrist certainly cured my drinking problem,” a man boasted to his pal. “The sessions cost so much, I can’t afford to buy liquor anymore.”
Joke #12282
PATIENT: “Is it true, Doc, you make a lot of money?”
DOCTOR: “You bet I do. Would you want to trust your health to a doctor who didn’t make a sack of dough?”
Joke #12281
Nowadays, a minor operation is one that is happening to someone else.
Joke #12280
A patient in the local hospital was really angry. He called his doctor and told him, “That dumb nurse came into my room last night and plugged my electric blanket into the automatic toaster on my night table and every five minutes I kept popping out of the darned bed!”
Joke #12266
Q: Why did they send a dancer to the moon?
A: They wanted someone who could moonwalk.