You can’t win. If prosperity doesn’t go to your head, it goes to your stomach.
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #13065
I went to the butcher’s the other day and asked him what he could show me for a dollar… And he stuck his tongue out at me.
Joke #13064
BARBER: “How do you want your hair cut?”
MAN: “In silence!”
Joke #13063
At a perfume counter of a department store, a man said to a woman clerk, “It’s for my wife — do you have any perfume that smells like money?”
Joke #13062
I’m so out of shape, I have to take vitamins in order to keep breathing.
Joke #13061
If I were a flower, I bet even the bees would ignore me.
Joke #13060
People who fall in love with the taste of success usually end up with very fat heads.
Joke #13059
With luck like mine, if I were on the road to success, I’d probably end up totaling my car.
Joke #13058
I’ve been stepped on more times than a crack in the sidewalk.
Joke #13057
Once I said to a rough-looking guy at the bar, “Anything you can do I can do better.”
He jumped up and said, “Okay, top this!” And he punched me in the mouth and knocked out two teeth.
Slowly, I got up and brushed myself off. Making a fist, I walked over to him to prove my point. “Okay,” I said, “Now it’s my turn.” Wham! I punched myself in the mouth and knocked out three teeth.
Joke #13056
I guess I’m just a follower. Some guys belong to the Elks. Some guys belong to the Lions. Me? I belong to the Loyal Order of Lemmings.
Joke #13055
A taxi was slowly creeping along a packed New York City street during rush hour. The passenger in the back seat cried, “Can’t you go any faster?”
The cab driver turned around and quipped, “Yes, I can, but I’m not allowed to get out of the taxi.”
Joke #13054
Bank teller to man at his window in bank: “I’m sorry, Mr. Page, but your wife beat you to the draw.”
Joke #13053
A boss was interviewing a man for a job in the factory. The boss said, “You’re asking a lot of money for a man with no experience.”
The man answered, “I know, but it’s much harder to do work when you don’t know anything about it.”
Joke #13052
A man rushed into a restaurant one morning and said to the waitress behind the counter, “Will the pancakes be long?”
The waitress replied, “Nope! They’re always round.”