A police officer was holding a meeting with a bunch of rookies. He asked one rookie to name the quickest way to disperse a crowd.
The rookie replied, “Pass the hat!”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12303
JUDGE: “Mr. Fenton you were arrested for stealing an elephant. Tell me, why did you steal an elephant?”
MR. FENTON: “My dad once told me, ‘Son, if you’re goin’ to steal, steal big.'”
Joke #12302
There was a convict who carved a gun out of soap and had his escape foiled when he got caught in a cloudburst.
Joke #12301
A man was charged with robbing a jewelry store and asked a young lawyer to defend him.
“I’ll handle your case,” said the attorney, “if you swear to me that you’re innocent and agree to pay my three-hundred-dollar fee.”
The rook thought for a minute, then said, “Will you do it for a hundred dollars and a pair of diamond earrings?”
Joke #12300
MAN: “Judge, I want a divorce. My wife keeps a pig in our bedroom at night and the stench is terrible.”
JUDGE: “Well, why don’t you open a window?”
MAN: “What! And lose all my pigeons?”
Joke #12298
PATIENT: “You treated my brother for gall bladder and he died of malaria.”
DOCTOR: “Nonsense. When I treat a patient for gall bladder, he dies of gall bladder!”
Joke #12297
PATIENT: “I can’t afford the operation, Doctor.”
DOCTOR: “Okay, so I’ll touch up the X-rays.”
Joke #12296
PATIENT: “My problem is, I have a suicidal complex.”
DOCTOR: “In that case, you’ll have to pay in advance.”
Joke #12295
I won’t say my doctor has old magazines in his office, but yesterday I read where Harry Truman became President.
Joke #12294
INTERN: “How did you treat that patient with frostbite?”
DOCTOR: “I put him in bed with a fellow who had a high fever and leveled them both off.”
Joke #12293
PATIENT: “Well, Doctor, you’ve examined me. Now tell me how do I stand?”
DOCTOR: “It puzzles me too.”
Joke #12292
The doctor’s waiting room was packed with patients. After about two hours of waiting and waiting, an old lady stood up and said, “Tell the doc I went home to die a natural death!”
Joke #12291
DERMATOLOGIST: “I think you have poison ivy.”
PATIENT: “Now that’s what I call a rash judgment.”
Joke #12290
Financial security to a dentist is being named the team dentist of an N.H.L. hockey team.
Joke #12289
Doctors have recently discovered that the major cause of headaches to men and women in the United States is marriage.