Joke #21177

A nurse walks into a bank.

Preparing to endorse a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says,

“Well, that’s great. Just great. Some asshole’s got my pen.”

 

Top Ten Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much at Thanksgiving

10. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.

9. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.

8. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.

7. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.

6. Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President.”

5. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Good Lord!”

4. You now have an butt the size of Plymouth Rock.

3. People keep looking at you and saying, “I thought the Macy’s Parade was over.”

2. Your relatives can’t go home because they’re stuck in your gravitational field.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy, my friend!

 

John Hopoate (Brown Fingers)

The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! 😀 And it was caught LIVE on TV :cheesy: 😀 :cheesy:!!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe :grin:!!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!

Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:

Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.

As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit, then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.

If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.

Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.

Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to follow Mundine ringside.

John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.

Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!

Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the digital age.

John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John Hand-to-party.

Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.

Q: Which finger did he use?

A: His ring finger.

Q: How do the judiciary decide on this punishment?

A: Is there a ‘rule of thumb’?

What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.

Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?

The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were merely a niggle!

Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!

Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.

A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Hopoate’s defense: it was only a brown eye gouge.

Hopoate’s defense: they were giving me cheek.

Hopoate’s defense: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.

Hopoate’s defense: I saw an opening and went for it.

Hopoate’s defense: The coach told me to penetrate their defenses.

Hopoate’s defense: Its just the old one hand tackle.

He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some rings on Saturday night.

Hopoate: the human thermometer.

Q: What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?

A: Chocolate fingers.

Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland cowboy?

A: You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?

A: A Finger Bun.

“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.

I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s Up-date

What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out

John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1

Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.

“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)

Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?

A chance for Channel 9’s The Footy Show to make something of its “player probe”?

Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.

How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate only got 12 weeks for crack?

Do The Hopoate
==============
You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.

The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits – often where they are quite unwanted

Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.

Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.

Q: What did the other player sing when John Hopoate stuck his finger up his bum?

A: “Baby you are the one you really turn me on you can stick your finger up my hole again”

Q: What is John Hopoate’s biscuit?

A: Shrewsbury, because of the hole in the middle.

Q: What does Hopoate like doing at a game?

A: Picking player of the match.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony.

Stuck a finger up his arse

and said “I am John Hopoate”

John Hopoate is the butt of everybody’s jokes.

After John Hopoate was suspended Manly offered him a job at the clubhouse. He was to go around the bar pushing in stools.