Dan is a CPA

Dan is a CPA.  He is a good CPA.  He spent 20 years of his life in school to become a CPA.  He got a job with the United States government, and he did CPA-ing to its finest.

He was nominated for best CPA at the CPA-award giving awards.  But he lost to some other guy named Fernando, cause Fernando was a Mexican and Dan was white.

So, one day, some of Fernando’s rabid fans threw copious amounts of tequila on his front lawn, and set Dan’s house on fire.

Dan lost his home.

The next day, Dan was called into his boss’ office, and his boss fired him because he had nowhere to send his checks and he doesn’t want homeless people working for him.

Dan was banned from CPA-ing ever again.  So, he borrowed money from the mafia and he didn’t pay back his loan and they broke his skull.

Moral:  Get Direct Deposit.


10 Ways The Mafia Can Improve Its Image

1. After whacking a guy, stick around to help with the cleanup.

2. Appeal to the younger generation by changing spelling of “Mafia” to “Maphia.”

3. Goodbye cement shoes, hello comfortable Prowalker shoes from Rockport.

4. Rub out that annoying kid in the Dell commercials.

5. Gala “Mafia Awards” ceremony hosted by Hollywood’s brightest stars.

6. New strong-arm tactic: take someone to the circus and then threaten to never take them again!

7. Oh I don’t know, maybe stop killing everybody

8. Three words: Mafia Book Club

9. Don’t just say you’re dumping a body in New Jersey, say you’re dumping a body in New Jersey — home of the soon-to-be-world-champion Nets!

10. Every once in a while, make someone an offer they can refuse