Hate Mail #22173

In response to http://squackle.com/22014/screwed-up-chronicles/knights-of-mayhem-tv-show-review/

Someone had shared the post with their friend “Ron” and he had sent this back as a response to me…

From: Ron

Subject: Re: [Shared Post] Knights of Mayhem (TV Show) Review

I’m willing to bet that the guy that wrote this is a un-muscled, non-competative type that has never risked anything other than his opinion, his verbal diaria, or his know-it-all attitude all his life. So men who climb mountains, run rapids, play footbal for free, jump horses, ride in Rodio’s must all be
losers in this guys book. Guess we must  add hockey players to the mix. Some men love challenge. If I was still the man I used to be, I’d jump at the chance to do this, just to be able to sit at a table with the kind of men that have the kind of balls to try and do it. That’s whats clearly missing
in the man that wrote the critique. Ron

 

Battle

It’s quiet…too quiet…the fields of war silently show their gleam of light. The pond stirs silently as the clouds of anguish and torment shadow these dark plains. Not a sound from crickets or the trees rustling by this pond. Suddenly, a head pops up from a field of grass by the pond…but it is no human nor intelligent lifeform’s head…it is no other then Donald Duck. He is wearing an army helmet with camoflauge paint around his face…his eyes shift from left to right, trying to spot an unseen enemy. His eyes widen as a loud bang is heard and he quickly ducks back down and rolls out of the way as an anvil drops to the place he had stuck his head out. From a distance a faint chukle can be heard…The chuckle is low and nearly inaudible…if you ignore the loud “quacks” between the laughter. The laughter and quacking comes from that of Daffy Duck, crouching down in military camoflauge uniform by a tree. His loud quacking and laughter does not go unnoticed…for another lifeform exists out there in the wild. Not a donkey or a platypus or a duck…wait it is a duck. Well, anyways this duck spots the enemy Daffy chuckling by the tree and smirks evily. The enemy has been spotted. He crawls through the brush and silently apporaches his enemy. Daffy, oblivious to Dacky’s existence, trys to spot Donald who has seemingly disappeared. He pops his head up only to realize that some sort of hot air is breathing upon the back of his neck. No, it wasn’t that of the wind or of a tree leaf dancing on his neck. As he fell deep into thought, his eyes shoot up. He knew who it was and slowly turned, facing his enemy Dacky, who is smirking evilly. The silence is broken by a loud quack, but it quickly comes back. Donald, aroused by the quack, slowly pops his head up, looking in the general direction. All he can see is the grass moving, as if something had been there…something…or someone…He slowly lowers his head and crawls through the brush…his eyes are focused on the grass that lay ahead as suddenly ,the grass stops and he sees an opening. And there, lying in the opening, lay a black figure. He lay unconscious, maybe for a short period of time or maybe for a lifetime, but Donald didn’t have time to find out. He quickly crawled over the figure and laid back against the tree trying to figure out who or what could have done this. Suddenly a sound is heard not to far off and Donald looks in the direction. He smirks and slowly crawls over to where the sound was heard. He comes to another opening, slowly peeking around. The sound was that of something hitting wood, and he saw a log near by. He walked over the muddy, soft ground as he came about a log. There was no sign of footprints or anything unusual. He moved closer and his hand encountered a rock. He picked it up and looked in terror. These grounds were muddy and did not contain rocks, and he knew what happened. He knew that the unseen enemy had thrown this rock to distract him. He knew that he had been played all along. So slowly, he turned around, and saw the figure right behind him. He sighed and accepted his fate, as darkness fell upon him in a flash.

 

Hannah Is a Palindrome

This entry is part 1 of 5 in the series Dave's Notes

This is a story I read a long time ago, and it is mad stupid. I don’t remember the details, but they really aren’t important….trust me. This is my retelling of that old story.

Hannah is this stupid girl that is sitting in her class one day. She always wanted to clap the erasers when they were dirty, but the teacher never called on her to do it, always someone else in class, especially the same person over and over. One day, the teacher taught them a new grammar thingy called a “palindrome.” The teacher pointed out Hannah and said, “Hannah is a palindrome, but I won’t tell you what a palindrome is until after recess, because I’m a bitch. So figure it out.”

Hannah didn’t like the fact the teacher pointed her out, and out on the playground, all the kids teased her, chanting, “Hannah is a palindrome, Hannah is a palindrome.” Hannah didn’t know what to say, because she didn’t know what a palindrome was. She got mad at the teacher for calling her a palindrome. How could she do such a thing? She never even let Hannah clap the chalkboard erasers, for crying out loud! WHAT A STUPID BITCH! SHE SHOULD BE SHOT! GOD DAMMIT!

After recess, all the way back to the room, the kids teased her, still chanting. When they got back in the room, the teacher explained what a palindrome was. It was a word that could be spelled backwards the same way forwards. The teacher told the kids they shouldn’t have teased Hannah for having a name that could be spelled backwards the same as forwards. Now the kids all felt like dumbasses. Then the teacher showed it to them on the board, doing it regularly, and backwards, erased it, then asked Hannah to clap the erasers by the window. Hannah did, and she enjoyed it.

good job, Hannah, I hope you enjoyed clapping those erasers and smelled that chalk dust. I hope you had fun, too, ya loser!

 

loser

loser – n. any music store employee

;} anybody that smokes

;} any alcoholic

;} anybody that thinks somebody else is a loser just because that person makes less money

;} any liar or idiot (which is the same thing as a music store employee or alcoholic)

;} someone who totals their automobile while driving home from the bank after making the final car payment