Joke #5248: The Doctor’s Patients

A doctor of psychology was doing his morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found his first patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Another patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

 

The doctor asked the patient on the floor what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see! I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

 

The doctor then inquired as to why the other guy was hanging from the ceiling. The guy on the floor says, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb Doc.”

 

The doctor looks up and notices the guys face is going all red.

 

The doctor asks the wood cutter… “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”

 

And the patient replies – “What? And work in the dark!”

 

Joke #5242: Squirrel Joke

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said, “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the field.” A few minutes later, the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.”

The son answered, “Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here or take them with us?’

“I guess I just panicked….”