Joke #9232: Ham Hero

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.”

The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks “Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig’s neck?”

The farmer says “Sure. It’s really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son’s life. So, we gave him the medal.”

The vagrant is amazed and says “Well, how about that silver medal?”

The farmer says “A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude we gave him that silver medal.”

The homeless man says “While I’m at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal.”

The farmer says “My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal”

The homeless man sits in awe of the pig, which is blithely eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks “What about the wooden leg?”

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, “Well, you don’t eat a pig like THAT all at once!”

 

Joke #9231: Policy, Polly Do

Bill’s barn burned down, and his wife Polly called the insurance company.

Polly told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Hold on just a minute, Polly. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new barn of comparable worth.”

There was a long pause before Polly replied, “Then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

 

The Sewer Farm

Denice, Clemintine, and Momma are living on a farm full of raw sewage. Rivers of sewage flow through there large farm. Momma came out to the mud fields where Denice was digging. It seemed unsuccessful.

“The plants aren’t growing Mum,” blurted Denice!

“Did you use seeds,” asked Denice.

“Ohhhh.”

A truck pulled up. It was Poppa! He was holding five hundred dollars! Momma started a yellin!

“I told you to trade your ring for new shoes, how could you get a pair of shoes with five hundred dollors?!?!” Screamed Momma. “Denice go put the money in the bird cage.”

Clemintine comes back with a fishing rod. and a pair of old boots. They look really burnt up and dirty.

“All I could fish out of the sewer today was these boots,” stated Clemintine.

They decided to go on a slide. They dug up a sewer pipe, cut it open, and jumped in. Afterwards they went a watched the sewage burn tires into a liquid!

To be continued…..